Bad news for anyone out there who was hoping for yet another season of Celebrity Rehab: Apparently the producers are unable to scrape together enough big names to get approval for a new season.

Initially the producers were asking for big names like Lindsay Lohan and Heather Locklear, but were quickly told by Lindsay and Heather’s people that they were barking up the wrong tree. So then they turned to The F-List. You know, the former American Idol contestants and paparazzi queens that surely don’t have anything else to do. However, VH1 passed on all the “talent” that did agree to get treated in the Celebrity Rehab house leaving the producer back at ground zero.

I’m not sure if I can imagine what’s harder to believe: That there’s not enough C-or-D list celebs that are desperate for a career boost/free rehab, or that this hasn’t been a problem for the creators of this show much sooner. I mean, you’d have to be on drugs to go on TV and admit that you’re on drugs!

The producers have until Wednesday of this week to scrape some bigger names together and present them to the network. Best of luck, you guys… And have you hit up The Sheens? Something tells me Brooke Mueller might be down.

Lindsay Lohan can’t book a movie but she sure can book a ticket to France. Homegirl was seen hanging out with a male companion at a Cannes yacht party this weekend and to say that she was looking rough would be polite. It doesn’t appear that LiLo was slamming cocktails on board, so maybe it’s just the “jet lag” catching up to her, but damn! This girl is in her early 20s and she’s looking worse than Demi Moore will 20 years from now. Yikes.

Hermione Granger Emma Watson is June’s Vanity Fair model and celebrity interviewee and she looks absolutely fabulous, as per normal.

Watson sits for the magazine and discusses everything from fashion to Harry Potter to being an Ivy League co-ed and totally kills it in the process.

About her role as Potter‘s Hermione Granger, Watson says that her acting was art imitating life:

“If I’m honest, I was her. I was very keen. I was super-eager to please and be good. And I was always kind of bossy.”

On the topic of attending Brown University in the US, Watson claims that it hasn’t been all wine and roses:

“It was just awful,” she recalls thinking at first, during freshman week. “I was like, I must be mad. Why am I doing this? … I felt like I’d walked into an American teen movie [at her first frat party]. I picked up the red cups. I was like, ‘Wow, they really do drink from these.’ … I was scared before I came to Brown—that I wasn’t going to be allowed to have both [a career and a normal life]. People would think that I didn’t deserve to have both. [I was afraid they'd think], You’re famous. You’re given free handbags. Why should you deserve to be normal?’”

She poses, scantily clad, in effervescent pretty-girl pink and I think — I think — you can see some Hermione Granger pubes.  If, you know, that’s the sort of thing that you’re into.

Check out more photos in the gallery.

I don’t, ’cause I’m not into that whole shock-type of visual assault, but I’m sure there’s got to be a market for something like this somewhere or another.

Rachel Uchitel, the mistress of both Tiger Woods and David Boreanaz (and God knows who else), is taking Playboy up on their offer to pose nude for the illustrious skin mag. However, she’s not willing to show her gilded promised-land cooter — the mistress is only interested in showing her fake tits and plastic ass.

It seems like only yesterday she was mourning the loss of her boyfriend who was killed during the 9/11 attacks. Uchitel was quoted earlier in the decade stating that she doesn’t think of her former fiance with regret any longer:

“When I think of Andy I no longer cry. I smile and I laugh. I’m at that point now. I can go on everyday knowing that somebody like him chose me to love.”

After she lost her Andy in the attacks, she found love and solace in the arms of a former classmate, Steven Ehrenkranz. Although some “insiders” claimed that Uchitel was a ho with a penchant for married men (Uchitel had a “history of being with married men” and had been called “self-destructive.”) Ehrenkranz blindly married the cock-bandit in 2004 and the couple divorced four months later. Gotta dig that ever-lasting kind of love.

My my, how far we’ve come Ms. Uchitel. Wherever they are, your Andy and your ex-husband must be so damned proud of you. Keep on keepin’ on, woman: your next investment Hef calls.

The breakup between Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey is still pretty fresh — Carrey’s still experiencing the emotional fallout that’s been publicized through his very public Twitter account and now I think I know the reason behind his sad, sad feelings: ex-girlfriend McCarthy is apparently fucking some dude that has a really sketchy hairline and fishbowl eyes.

McCarthy and her hand-holding “friend” were photographed this past weekend outside of a Los Angeles club, where the former girlfriend of funnyman Jim Carrey was all smiles. She also had red-painted nails, which we all know is the color of the devil.

(Sorry, I watched The Village last night and I still have a slight aversion to the color red.)

And this time, she started a tussle with two men and their girlfriends — New York Ranger skaters, Sean Avery and Aaron Voros. The sitch all went down this past weekend at 1Oak where Lohan allegedly tossed a drink in one of the skater’s girlfriend’s faces for a reason that’s going to sound really familiar to all of you Lohan lovers. In an eerie coincidence, the reason that she started her shit with the foursome was because they wouldn’t let her join their table.

According to the NY Post spy:

“Lindsay threw a fit because she wanted to be at their table near the DJ. But she claimed she didn’t want to sit with Aaron and said, ‘He’s my ex-boyfriend. I don’t want him anywhere near me.’ Voros denied knowing her. A drink then flew in Jessica’s face, and Lindsay demanded their table be moved out. Club bosses refused and tried to calm her down. Stam, Voros and Avery were shocked but didn’t retaliate, and Lindsay left shortly afterward.”

What I want to know is how she’s partying in New York one night and LA another. The girl’s barely got two nickels to rub together, but yet she can afford bi-coastal airfare three times a week. Who’s financing this shit? Is she pulling a Joaquin? Is it the Great and Powerful Oz?

Fuck, Lindsay. No one wants to be up on your shit anymore (except for the individuals paying for your flights, who probably just want to see all of this just delightful drama go down). Doesn’t that tell you something, girlfriend? Get a clue!