… And isn’t even sure at this moment in time whether or not she’s pregnant.

Michelle Duggar sat down with People magazine for their upcoming May 31st issue to discuss sex, birth control, children, parenting, her latest child, Josie, and all of the child’s health problems (she was born last September, but has been in and out of the hospital since then). She also discussed the almost non-option of what could have been a lifesaving MRI for her ill child:

” … The couple find themselves struggling over how to make the right decision for their baby’s well being – and they don’t always see eye to eye. When Josie was scheduled to have an MRI as part of an optional study, Michelle worried the loudness of the machines would cause her baby further stress. Jim Bob thought the test was a good idea in order to see how Josie’s brain was developing – until Michelle woke up in the middle of the night, panicked and convinced the test should not proceed. “Jim Bob and I talked about it,” Michelle says. “He said we should pray about it, and then it would be up to me.” In the end, Michelle allowed the test – but it was halted when Josie became too upset by the entire process – much as Michelle had feared …

And on having more children, and the possibility of being pregnant even now:

As for whether Jim Bob and Michelle will continue to procreate… the couple say they are ready and willing to have more kids – perhaps sooner rather than later. “I don’t know… it’s possible,” Michelle says simply, when asked if she might already be pregnant. As Jim Bob explains, he and Michelle remain ready to face any challenge – including the public criticism that could accompany yet another pregnancy: “We trust God with our lives, our children, our future. Let’s pass this test. Let’s have the right response.”

It’s really disconcerting to hear stories like this and know that the children, as they all pop on out every nine months like clockwork, as well as the mother, are undergoing undue stress because of the constant pregnancies. This family has what, a forty kids or something? Michelle Duggar is a grandmother at the age of forty-three and her children range from almost-newborn to twenty-two years old.

I mean, damn. I’m sure this family is super close-knit and happy, but this isn’t 1842, and for good reason! There are children suffering worldwide that are literally dying to be adopted, but then there are people like this that insist on risking the lives of their unborn children to give birth to nineteen children. It’s excessive. I’m not bashing them for their decisions, but I think they’re a bit naive about what’s really going on in the world. You don’t want a hundred-forty kids and you think God is going to smite you for using birth control? Here’s a suggestion: stop having sex.

This is what you get when you marry someone named “Jim Bob.” Don’t play like you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into, girl.

Justin Bieber keeps it real unlike his Disney employed peers. While they’re all playing the virgin card, Bieber’s at least copping to getting his make out on all over town like any other teenager. Biebs talked to the NY Post about his lip-locking and the self-described great kisser said that he’s down to make it happen with a chick wherever, but he’s not going to compromise his insurance rates in the process.  ”I mean, if you’re driving, you make a little stop… you know, like the Wal-Mart rest stop, you’re good,” J.Biebs said of his roadside liplocks.

But who are the girls he’s making out with? You know Biebers got bitches in every state. And by “bitches” I mean “15-year old girls.” And what mother would ever allow her daughter alone in a car with Justin Bieber?

As far as I’m concerned, all these Twilight movies are good for is turning out hot boring people for us to look at. Exhibit H: Xavier Samuel. I don’t know who this cat is or where he came from, but one thing is for sure: I’d do him.

Apparently this dude’s character, Riley, doesn’t even play that large of a role in the Twilight books, so it’s odd that they’d release a new poster for Eclipse featuring just him, but hey! If those folks making these movies have figured out one thing, it’s that looks matter more than content. Am I right!?!? Am I right!?!?

So question: Samuel, Lautner or Pattinson? Who would you “do”? (You know what I’m talkin’ about. Wink wink. (I’m talking about sex.))

OK, well, my worst nightmare is technically burning to death or rape or being kidnapped by some Buffalo Bill type and living in a well and applying lotion to my skin per his request, but this is sure up there.

The Bros were recently performed a concert at The Grove in Los Angeles. The Grove is one of those “urban oasis shopping centers”, kind of. It’s an outdoor mall, basically. They have a little train running through it (annoying, not charming) and a fountain and shit like that. There’s an American Girl Doll Store. The suburban girl in me does love going there on occasion, but for the most part I avoid it at all costs due simply to the fact that the parking garage there gives me anxiety. It’s mad claustrophobic and people in LA suck at hustling when they walk and being aware of their surroundings so I always feel like I’m on the verge of completely losing my shit whenever I’m there. I don’t think I’m alone in this, either.

So The Jonas Brothers were at this horrible place performing a show recently and while they were making their escape they got stuck in the garage elevator. For an hour. The Jonas Brothers were stuck in an elevator in the worst parking garage in LA for an hour and they didn’t die from anxiety/fear/exhaustion. Are The Jonas Brothers actually The Jesus Brothers? I think so.

This is funny, though: According to a source who spoke to the NY Post, the JoBros were able to escape after an hour only because they were all skinny enough to slide through the tiny opening that a security guard managed to pry in the doors. LOL.

Everyone’s still in Cannes partying their faces off because they’re fucking rich and I’m poor and I never go anywhere and I’m tired and my bones hurt. I’m sorry. ANYWAYYSSS…

Paris Hilton and her sister Nicky (who just has the bitchiest face ever, and I’m sorry because I tried to like her but every time I see her I’m like, “Oh, that bitch is judging the hell out of someone right now.”) were partying it up in Cannes last night when Paris’ ass decided that it no longer could be contained and popped out to say hello to guests partying beneath them in the non-VIP section. It happens, man. I’m not Nicky Hilton, I’m not going to judge Paris for that. Sometimes you’re at the club and your ass falls out. It’s fun to look at, but let’s not chastise the girl for it.

Now does anyone want to pay for me to go on a vacation?

(UPDATE: The ass shot has been moved from the front page because apparently it’s NSFW. To me it was about as offensive as the Coppertone girl, but I am a raging whore so I probably wasn’t being sensitive to everyone’s virgin eyes/work situations.)

Or her jewelry is, at least.

Walmart is pulling her jewelry line off the shelves after lab tests showed that the jewelry contains a high amount of cadmium, which is bad news (cadmium poisoning was on House, if that tells you anything).  It’s not lethal if it’s simply worn, but it will fuck your world up if you ingest it, and that’s what people are worried about.

Well, by “people,” I mean the Associated Press, who conducted the test.  Walmart and Miley knew about the cadmium months ago, but I guess they figured it wasn’t a problem because the jewelry line is marketed for adults, and adults aren’t the ones chewing on jewelry, kids are.  But of course there’s no way some little Hannah Montana fan with an oral fixation would purchase a necklace or anything, and it’s not like anyone’s ever seen a baby suck on Mom’s earrings.

Get it together, Walmart.  Start by not selling jewelry that can kill people.