Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Bang or Bust: Simpson Edition

photo of sisters ashlee simpson and jessica simpson

Sisters Ashlee and Jessica Simpson were photographed at the LG Night of Fashion and Technology bash last night in LA and while very, very different, both look pretty freaking hot, if I do say so myself.

I was never a huge fan of Ashlee’s, look-wise, but I think this is the best (and probably happiest) that she’s looked in a few years, though she is definitely a smidge on the, um, emaciated side. She’s got a great glow to her skin (and damn, what a set of teeth) and it’s evident that motherhood’s definitely agreeing with her. Some newer moms look like hell (and for good reason, obviously), but some of them just exude the glow after that most women have during their pregnancies.

I mean, I know what it was like for me when I was pregnant with my daughter. I did not glow. I was break out-and-bloat city and probably walked around with a major case of grump-face because my damned feet were so swollen all of the time. After, however? Glowed like a Chernobyl survivor. Loved it.

But anyway, Ashlee looks great. She needs to eat a sandwich or three, but she’s doing her thing and kills it almost every time.

Jess, on the other hand, blows Ashlee out of the water. Yeah, she’s gained some weight over the past few years, but you know what? She’s obviously not digging at herself about it, so let it ride. J Simp looks a thousand times better than she ever did when she was fifteen or twenty pounds lighter and wicked stressed out over Nick or John or Adam or whoever else. She looks amazing and if I had to pick a piece, it’d definitely be Jess.

So. Which Simpson sister would you bang?

25 CommentsLeave a comment

    • Agreed. Jessica = Boston cream pie.

      Ashley = rice krispy treat with a corner dipped in chocolate (and maybe a half a pube kinda worked in between the krispies that you don’t see till you already took a bite).

      • More like:

        Jessica = Leave the lights on fuck and total inch by inch body worship

        Ashley = Turn the lights off blowjob while doing her best Olive Oyl impersonation

  • That’s easy… I’d bang Jess!! However,seeing as how some distant ancestor of mine pissed off a Gypsy witch, one of two things would likely happen…
    A. She would try & sing to me
    B. She would try & talk to me
    Either way I’d have to put her on her hands & knees & shove her face into a pillow, not that I’ve given it any thought you understand!

  • ashlee has never looked good to me, and she still looks meh in my eyes. but i’ve always thought jessica is beautiful, and standing next to her little sister helps her look good too. as mean as that sounds. :-\

    • though jess’s boobs look squished and painful in that dress. she should have just gone naked. :P

  • Jessica! Girl, you look SO GOOD! Why can’t she do this more often? I’m always rooting for her goofy ass, and she disappoints so often, so I’m glad to see her looking chic, pretty, and sexy instead of…everything else she has looked like recently.

    • Yup. The whole thing kinda seems like it was a weak attempt to come back from the reader hate on the Mariah post, but Sarah and Evil Beet missed the entire point. While the whole good-for-Jessica-being-happy-with-her-bod thing is a step up from the whole look-better-for-your-age deal, this is still needlessly comparing and RANKING women by their size. There are plenty of other things to gossip about other than weight–a fact that seems to escape them. Or perhaps it’s a sick attempt to increase the number of comments?

  • I think they should switch outfits! Jessica’s voluptuous bosom is practically dying for some air and Ashlee’s outfit is meant for someone with a little bit of curve. I’m glad to see though that they look happy as sisters…not too common in H’wood.

  • Ashlee. Am I the only one? She’s beautiful! And Jessica’s tits look all kinds of wonky in that dress, it’s even more off-putting than the waves of stupidity rolling off of her.

  • I’d definitly bang Jessica.. if only because I’d LOVE to see these humongous breasts without that…. um… dress. YUMMM

  • I personally like curvy delicious girls. Ashley looks way too skinny. Like a bag of bones. Creepy. Give me Jessica and I’ll give her what she needs.

  • aw, poor Jessica, you can tell she is totally jealous of her sister- look at her smile, it’s posed- her little sister looks more real and happy. I hope Jessica finds unconditional true(as in genuine, not the cliche ‘true love) love and settles down and has some kids too. Then she’ll be happy again.