Today's Evil Beet Gossip

You Better Watch This Shit Fast, Before It Gets Yanked Off of the Internet


Tom Cruise and Katile Holmes Sing and DanceThe best free videos are right here

You have no idea the lengths I went to in order to procure this video. It’s been “removed” everywhere on YouTube (Scientology seems to frown upon frivolity) and it probably won’t be too long before The (Scientology) Man finds out that we’ve worked the system and posted an “illegal” and highly embarrassing video.

Anyway, the video presents Katie Holmes’ rendition of “Whatever Lola Wants,” and it would have been pretty okay if husband Tom didn’t force her to include him in the performance, which was intended for A Fine Romance Benefit at 20th Century Fox, held earlier in the week.

The singing’s not that great (although it was fortuitously better than what I expected), but Tom’s “I’m not at all gay” performance really kind of ruined the entire thing for me and probably everyone in attendance.

The raucous applause at the end? Because the uncomfortable, skin-crawling performance, not unlike watching one of your parents slip the other the tongue, was over.

36 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Aw, I didn’t think it was bad at all. She’s more talented than I had thought, for sure.

  • Why oh why does Katie – oh excuse me – Kate Holmes think she’s a Broadway musical star? She’s no Gwen Verdon. Her ‘dance’ moves are primarily shoulder shaking and long arms….and her voice? ouch.

    • I’m guessing that Tom and his ego can’t take even the slightest possibility of Katie being a bigger movie star than him (not that it’s all that feasible because she’s incredibly boring, I’m just saying), so he’s pushed her onto Broadway.

  • Ah now, I don’t agree. The singing, okay, well it wasn’t painful. But who knew she could dance that well? Every move is smooth, I was impressed.

  • evilbeetdouche how long does it take you to think up these comebacks? i can just see you sitting there with your angry little face all scrunched up thinking of things ha ha. Is it cause your daddy fucked you when you were liitle,is that why your so mad? Come at me bitch.

  • I guess I just like deep, husky voices because I loved her singing. Her dancing was just so-so and Tom looked stupid.

  • evilbeetdouche, seriously – do you miss the smell of your Dad’s balls in you face?

    • It appears to me that you’ve spent half an hour (timestamps!) thinking up ways to insult evilbeetdouche. That time could have been better spent learning where the “reply” button is, or pretending to be older than thirteen.

      • Yeah but i’m not sitting staring at the same website all day you tool. Are your parents siblings?

      • You have no proof of that.

        Are my parents siblings? Because I glanced at a time stamp and implied you are juvenile and possibly retarded? No. No, they’re not. Bet yours are second cousins, though.

      • Erin, thank you for coming to the aid of the Douche against the striking blows of Nobody In Charge. I am forever grateful.

        After the first few posts, I knew immediately that this mistakenly-born cretin was not a worthy adversary and decided to drop the whole affair.

        So, my policy is to meet his attempts at quarrel with a cold and damning emptiness – much like his mother’s “love.”

        Everyone, have a blessed day.

      • You are incredibly long-winded, but it entertains me.

        You are correct, silence is deadly, I just sometimes can’t stop myself from snarking at the morons. It’s a character flaw.

  • I guess the new optical illusion scheme from the Holmes/Cruise camp is to have Katie stand a foot and a half away from Tom for a hug. It makes Katie lean over giving the illusion that she is not a giant towering over Tom’s midget ass! I guess Tom also pays Katie extra to slouch over all the time. What a creepy pair these two make!!!

  • If you think that had any actual artistic merit, you’ve never seen a broadway show. That was terrible. Dismal. Her singing was flat and her dancing was jolty and stiff. I’ve seen my cat do thinks more gracefully and make more pleasant noises.

    She needs to just stop it.

    Is anyone else amused by the lack of chemistry between the two of them?

  • when katie finally leaves tom her career will really skyrocket. of course, she will have to admit to the brainwashing. i like her, but without him. whenever she is near him she comes across as a female version of him – overly showy, fake smiley, and overrated talent. i didn’t like this performance at all. it seemed forced and the way she says LOLA is like nails on a chalk board to me.