Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Tweeting From The Womb

What’s that?  You don’t know who Cinco Armstrong is?  Why, it’s Lance Armstrong’s fifth child, of course!  Don’t worry, Cinco’s account should get verified as soon as he grows a skeleton.

According to the fetus’ profile page, it will be named either Jack or Olivia once it forms a reproductive system.  Regardless of sex, little Cinco already has 1, 946 followers, so there won’t be any issue of love in the kid’s life.  He or she will also have four siblings, a hot mom, and a father who is an American hero, not only for all that bicycle business, but also for famously fathering five children with one testicle.  You’re a miracle in so many ways, little Cinco.  Consider me one more follower.

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