I just love basically any candids of Snooki doing anything anywhere. The newly single Snooks is in Miami, stirring up drama for season two of Jersey Shore (OMG IS EVERYBODY SO EXCITED??). She and JWoww were enjoying some cocktails when apparently the folks at a nearby table had some unkind words to share, and Snooki got in an argument with them. THAT SNOOKI. I can’t wait until she gets her own show. Speaking of which, I watched Kendra Wilkinson’s show for basically the first time today, and it’s pretty amazing. I can’t believe I never watched it until now. And then I saw that they’re giving Holly her own show? Boo. That shit’ll be a snoozefest. I can only watch Holly Madison decorate cookies and claw at the remains of her youth for so long before I feel the need to put on a pair of sensible shoes and clip my nails. But whatever, anything’s better than that Crystal Meth chick Hef keeps going on and on about on his Twitter. OK. Here are lots of pics of Snooki and JWoww.

Oh BURN.

With rumors abounding that Douche Reinhardt dumped The Par-Par, and not the other way around, Paris has quickly stumbled on the very best way to make a recent ex-boyfriend jealous: Go on a date with a former flame, and make sure he finds out about it.

The paparazzi “caught” Paris and Jason Shaw leaving Woo Lae Oak (is LA just naming restaurants by throwing darts at a Ouija board now?) on Saturday night. The couple were together for three years (2001-2003) before calling it off.

“Paris has always loved Jason and cared about him deeply. But when they were together she was just a kid and not ready for such a commitment … When Jason found out that she had ended her relationship with Doug, he was thrilled and made plans with her right away,” say certain “sources,” which may or may not be Paris’s PR firm. (It’s definitely Paris’s PR firm.)

I’m kind of excited to have Paris back on the scene, causing Paris-style trouble and wearing shoes that no one with feet that big should ever be caught dead in.

Why does watching this footage from the 1996 Olympics suddenly make me feel like Mary Lou Retton’s up next on uneven bars?

Like, seriously, was this so long ago that Kerri Strug is actually 32 years old now? Does that make Alicia Sacramone 45? I AM SO CONFUSED. And sooooo hopelessly old.

Kerri and her ankle got married on Sunday to Robert William Fischer III. The nuptials took place in Tucson, Arizona, which I described to a friend today as “the place that hope goes to die.” Here’s a quick run-down on what happened in Kerri’s life once it was pried from Bela Karolyi’s grip:

The bride, 32, is a project manager for the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention in Washington. She graduated from Stanford, from which she also received a master’s degree in sociology. She is a daughter of Melanie B. Strug and Dr. Burt Strug of Tucson. The bride’s father, a retired cardiovascular surgeon, had a private practice there.

The bridegroom, also 32, is a lawyer working in the Washington Congressional office of Representative Lamar Smith, a Republican of Texas and the ranking member on the house judiciary committee. Mr. Fischer graduated from the University of California, Berkeley, and received a law degree from Arizona State University [Ed: GO SUN DEVILS!!!].

“We met for drinks in Washington, just a block from my office, and had a very enjoyable conversation,” Ms. Strug recalled. “He seemed to be a very good listener, and we had a lot in common. He had family in Arizona, which is where I’m from, and we are both rather conservative politically.”

Shortly after that first date, Ms. Strug traveled to Beijing to work with Olympic sponsors, and when she returned in mid-August, she found flowers from Mr. Fischer waiting for her.

“That was pretty awesome,” Ms. Strug recalled. “It’s nice to know someone is thinking of you.”

Ms. Strug, who acknowledged “not dating much and living a sheltered life” during her gymnastics career, said that she felt an immediate connection with Mr. Fischer. “I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I was very attracted to him,” she remembered. “My entire adolescence was geared toward one thing: gymnastics. It’s like I was living in this big gymnastics bubble. I never went to my high school dance, and didn’t date much, so my criteria for dating men was really just put together in theory, not practice.”

I wonder if her new hubby ever makes her dress up in her old gymnastics outfit so he can carry her around on a fake-injured ankle like Bela and then throw her on the bed and pound her while she bravely smiles and waves to the crowd. Because, like, that’s totally what I would do if I were dating Kerri Strug.

Bret Michaels was rushed to the hospital last Thursday after experiencing major blood loss near his brain stem. The Rock of Love star is still in intensive care, and while his Facebook page has been updated with a hopeful message, it still sounds pretty severe to me:

“We are hopeful that further tests will locate the source of the bleeding, which has still not been located. As we all know Bret is a fighter and we are hopeful that once all is complete the slurred speech, blurred vision and dizziness, etc. will be eliminated and all functions will return to normal.”

According to TMZ, who spoke with Ceders-Sainai Medical Center, people who suffer from injuries like Bret’s have a 20-30% chance of experiencing more hemorrhaging, and typically those who experience a second bout of bleeding do not survive. In fact, the mortality rate for those who experience a second hemorrhage or “recurrent bleeding” is a grim 70%.

Reese Witherspoon and her new boyfriend Jim Toth were snapped getting breakfast together in LA this morning. The two were affectionate and seemed comfortable around each other. How else could you explain why Reese was shoveling food into her mouth and doing some serious Jim Carrey shit with her face? Considering Reese is still kind of fresh off of her break-up with Jake Gyllenhaal, I have to wonder if this Jim bro is a total rebound, or perhaps the next big thing in her life.

Lina Marulanda, a Colombian model who has been working since the age of 12 , was found dead in Northern Bogota at the age of 29. Sadly, the cause of death is a suspected suicide. Lina appeared to have thrown herself from the window of her apartment.

Friends close to Lina say that the demise of her second marriage was weighing on her. Her guilt over the failed relationship is said to be what drove her to end her life.

Lina was a graduate of University Jorge Tadeo Spirited of Bogota and worked frequently as both a model and a TV anchor. Needless to say her death didn’t have the typical Hollywood strung-out messiness that we usually see before a celebrity suicide. Perhaps the relatable circumstances leading up to Lina’s death can be a reminder for all of us that there is no typical suicide victim and we should handle everyone going through a tough time with love and understanding. (I just made myself vomit.)