I can’t believe this chick is only sixteen years old. Where the fuck is this age of innocence we speak of so fondly? Age three?

Taylor “too-fucking-cool-for-Gossip Girl” Momsen recently sat down for an interview with EW and discussed lots of important things like Leighton Meester’s new “pop record” and Momsen’s very own vehement denials that she’s trying to be like Courtney Love. Momsen also plugs her band, The Pretty Reckless, and talks up her dark side in a not-at-all attention-seeking way:

EW: Your band, the Pretty Reckless, has a song (“Make Me Wanna Die”) on the Kick-Ass soundtrack.

Taylor Momsen: It’s a tragic love song. It’s Romeo and Juliet—can’t live without your lover so you die. It’s the Pretty Reckless’ first single. We just shot a video for it, but I don’t wanna say too much. It fits the song. It’s very dark.

EW: You’re often compared to Courtney Love.

TM: I don’t wanna be Courtney Love—I wanna be Kurt Cobain. He’s brilliant and his songs are genius. The Hole records are great. Everyone always compares me to Courtney Love because they think we like dress the same and we both have blond hair, wear lipstick and dresses. But I’m sorry, don’t a lot of girls dress like that? I look at Nirvana. I don’t look at Hole.

EW: How do you imagine juggling music and acting?

TM: I’ve been acting since I was 2. I don’t dislike it by any means, but it’s a job to me. It can never be as personal as music, because you’re playing a character and saying someone else’s words. Music is who I am.

EW: Your GG costar Leighton Meester is also trying to launch a music career. Ever talk about it?

TM: No. I’m not really close with my cast. We’re all cordial and nice to each other, but we’re not really friends outside of the set. And we’re doing a different thing: She’s putting out a pop record, which is awesome.

EW: I saw you perform in New York City last year, and you seemed to have forgotten to put on pants. What was up with that?

TM: I don’t really like pants, man. I like tights. I’m not really a pants person.

EW: You’re a rocker now—you can choose not to wear pants.

TM: And I do! I choose not to wear pants.

Damn, this girl’s deep. You know, for all of sixteen years. Oh, and for not even living through a quarter of what her “mentors” have yet. I don’t know. I thought the whole teenage-angst thing went out the window back in like, 2001 or something, but I suppose I was mistaken.

Well, in spite of all your “darkness,” Taylor, there’s a bright side: your 27th birthday is coming at some point and then you can be just like your idol Cobain, if that’s what you really want.

More photos of Taylor looking ridiculous hardcore in the gallery.

The always-epic Hanks was photographed during filming for his newest flick … uh, yeah, I don’t even know what the hell he’s doing to be honest with you. I know he’s doing some pre-production Toy Story 3 shooting and he’s still actively working on stuff with The Pacific, but he’s got to be doing something else on the side, just judging by his apparel. I couldn’t imagine him intentionally rocking a U-Mart polo, let alone a red one that’d clash so nicely with his newly-chestnut-colored locks.

Please, someone tell me that he somehow knows my semi-retired Uncle Jed — the one who always wears those grandpa shoes and has the skinniest ankles I’ve ever seen and so Hanks is mocking him in the most vividly accurate way possible. I couldn’t bear it if that weren’t the truth.

At any rate, I’m confused. What’s he supporting? A convenience store? A computer supply chain? Your local Salvation Army?

Way to be vague, Tommy.

Way.  To be.  Vague.

I thought she was done touring, like, two years ago? Didn’t she have that one “Farewell Tour” that lasted for what seemed like six and-a-half years?

Yeah, I thought so.

Well, it looks the sparkly, spangly, glitter-adorned song Gods are smiling down upon all of you Cher fans today: she’s embarking on another tour, slated to commence sometime after the expiration of her contract at the Colosseum at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. The Las Vegas Sun spoke with the legendary performer this past weekend and confirmed that, yes, another tour is on the horizon.

Get, uh … nuts?

Sources at TMZ have exclusively received a pretty juicy piece of information regarding the doings during the Jesse James affairs and they’ve got a letter from a douchey mistress to prove it. Jesse James’ second mistress, Melissa Smith, allegedly wrote a letter to Sandra apologizing for her part in the James affairs and Smith, not so unlike Bombshell McGee, offered to speak with Bullock to put her mind at ease. Smith recently reached out to the star and stated that she was “deeply sorry” for everything that she’d been through these past weeks.  She also claimed that the affairs went against the very core of her “beliefs” and further admitted to sleeping with James on several occasions — in an inadvertent way, naturally:

” … I compromised by beliefs on several occasions and as a result, will never forgive myself.”

You will, Melissa.  I’m sure, in time, you’ll eventually forgive yourself. But not before wishing that you’d written your apology letter sooner. Your girl McGee beat you to the punch on this one.

You can read the letter in all of its honeyed, empathetic bullshit entirety here.

With her acting career on, uh, “hiatus,” Lindsay’s been grasping at straws trying to stay employed — through cheap, D-list club appearances, botched fashion lines and that atrocious Sevin Nyne spray-on tanner that’s only still afloat because the Jersey Shore kids have uber-stock (and by “stock,” I mean “they’re so heavily invested in the shit that if it goes belly-up, they’re fucked”) in it.

Lohan’s latest film project, The Other Side was supposed to be her saving grace: it would have been her first real film project in almost three years. The film was supposed to center around a graduate student on a deserted island. I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that the film’s execs chose Lindsay to play a grad student or the general redundancy of the plot. It’s supposed to be like Castaway with, what, a smarter dude that’s a chick instead?

On Lindsay’s removal from the production, David Michaels, the director for the film stated:

“Our team simply chose to move on from Lindsay and we’ll soon be announcing a replacement.”

Oh, Burn, Linds. Maybe if you got a grip on your pathetic-ass self, people wouldn’t be so keen to drop you … from everything.  But fuck, who knows.  Your career might not be over yet … Keep dressing the way you have been lately and you might be able to get a bit part on an off-Broadway production of Hair.

Crazy ass.

OK, maybe not. They’re actually costars in a Broadway show called Promises, Promises that opened this week. This set of photos intrigues me in large part because of my unhealthy obsession with Kristin Chenoweth (the video evidence is here, if you dare watch), but also because it features Joan Rivers and Katie Finneran bowing to one another, and Candy Spelling wearing what I can best categorize as “devil garb.”