Well, maybe.  Unless, you know, you were a close friend or maybe one of the four-thousand pharmacists that constantly refilled illegal ‘scripts.

Cali Attorney General Jerry Brown claims that Haim doc-hopped between seven different physicians to procure over five hundred pills of a varying type — such as Soma, Xanax, Valium and Vicodin. The 500+ pills were acquired between January of this year and March 10th, when he died.

What I’d like to know is how many of those pills were actually left on March 11th, 2010.

How does this even happen? I mean, who can get their hands on this kind of mass-quantity of drugs? Unless you’re a celebrity — or you’re forging prescriptions, which is what the AG’s thinking might have happened — I guess you’re shit-outta-luck, huh?

Damn sad.

Nicolette Sheridan is just … desperate. [Celebitchy]

Prince of Persia’s coming out soon. Are you in? [popbytes]

Golden Girls porn? Please and no-fucking-thank you. [Pajiba]

Madonna will never adopt that American-born baby you didn’t want, mama.  [Celebitchy]

Justin Bieber! GTFO already!!! [Amy Grindhouse]

I didn’t know Amber Rose had a tattoo there … oh, wait. I didn’t care. [cityrag]

Heyyy, Jesse James is really fuckin’ disgusting. [Pop on the Pop]

Should skinny-skinny models come with a non-reality disclaimer? [Zelda Lily]

Mischa Barton was photographed this past weekend looking, well … I guess “like a banana” would be the closest thing to nice I could come by saying.

And no, I’m not kidding: that really is Mischa Barton.

I mean, please believe — I am no shining beacon of supreme bodily perfection either, but I wouldn’t wear these horribly non-flattering plantain-pants to sleep alone in a dark closet, let alone out in public, you know … for other people to actually see.

Damn, girl, you look … better.

Maybe almost.

Lil Wayne, or Weezy, or whatever the fuck this douchenozzle goes by nowadays — you know, the one that’s in jail now or whatever — recently launched a new website (from jail, mind you) by the name of WeezyThanxU.com.  According to reps, Wayne wants to keep in touch with his publix public while in the pokey and what better way to do it than taking to the internet — via some kind of misplaced bureaucratic-bullshit privilege?

I think this guy, his entire website and the all the high-horse, self-praising crap that comes out of his foul-assed mouth is totally reprehensible. Dude’s in jail, not time-out at the daycare center. I don’t give a rat’s ass if he is some kind of convoluted celebrity or not — when you go to jail, it’s to be punished, not to make a mockery of the entire judicial system not only by taking advantages of opportunities that no other inmates get, but by blasting the powers that be who allowed your nasty ass these perks to begin with.

This guy is totally no stranger to making uneducated, baseless assumptions relative to crime, punishment and polite society; he took to his Twitter around the time that he was sentenced and blasted the court system by saying:

“Law is mind without reason … I’ll return.”

“Law is mind without reason.”  Classic. Thought-provoking. Spoken like a true rebel fourteen year-old.

An excerpt from this guy’s first blog entry, just to underscore how ridiculous he actually is:

“Love. Live. Life. Proceed. Progress. That’s who I am and who I’ll always be. You see, we’re all living on borrowed time, so I’m not worried about this situation.”  [Ed. Note: That's ... great. I'm glad you're not worrying about the fact that YOU'RE IN PRISON.]

Wayne goes on to say that he’s “aware” of his “haters”:

“To those who hate. Hate is only a form love that hasn’t found a way to express itself logically.”

Yeah, I’m going to have to strenuously beg to differ on that one. Yes, Wayne, I am a self-proclaimed hater. But believe me … it’s not because I don’t “logically” know how to express my love. It’s because you, kind sir, are an asshole and I kind of have this affinity for despising deplorable human beings, sorry pally-o.

But whatever. I’m sure you’re glad that you’re in the slammer, Wayne. It’ll give you lots of fodder for your next album … gotta build that cred one way or another. Or something.

Fucking fool.

Just when you thought these two were neva going to make it, they continue to appear in public together — the giant and his Jackoff the Beanstalk.

The tiny Heroes star, Panettiere, emerged in public with her massive boxer-boyfriend in order to catch the LA premiere of The Perfect Game, which Hayden’s little brother happens to star in.

… Fuck, I’ll say it since you won’t: seeing these two together always makes me think of sex. Sex, SEX, sex. Can you imagine these two having sex? Come on … don’t say you didn’t think of it yourself … It’s almost on its way to crazy-compelling.

Or is it just me?

“When all is said and done, he wants the same people who were living in his house before all this happened to still be living there. And he wants to save his marriage with the woman he loves more than anything in his life. He’s focusing on what he’s doing and trying to make himself better. The First Amendment was not meant to cover the sexual lives of people who are not in office. This is sheer voyeurism and bullying, pure and simple. It’s disgusting.”

- Jesse James’ attorney Joe Yanny pathetically defends his client once again. 

Disgusting, Joe Yanny? I think the dog and pony show that your client, a skeezy cheater with a history of dabbling in White Supremacy, has been putting on for the public for years is pretty disgusting. So I guess we have that in common, Yanny. We both find things disgusting. 

It’s so typical, guys. He’s not sorry, he’s sorry he got caught. And I still think we should back off the poor, self-esteem issues-ridden women that he slept with, too. They’re messes that, for the most part, never tried to convince us otherwise. It’s the deception that drives me wild. Who cares if you like to have raw sex with trashy people and you hate Jews? I mean, it’s not great, but what am I going to do to stop that? At least I know going in that that’s what I’m dealing with! Jesus!