Surprise, surprise!

Katie and her adorably-photogenic daughter, Suri, were photographed out and about in NYC today enjoying the unseasonable weather. The two are currently camped out in the Big Apple while mom Katie films her latest box-office poison movie, Son of No One, which will feature Channing Tatum as her leading man.

Little Suri’s rocking some amazing footwear. At least they beat the hell out of her baby-stilettos, at any rate.

Smile, Katie, things could be worse — at least Tom’s not around jamming that pesky wind-up key into your lower back!

Remember Mark Kerrigan? The psycho-brother of Nancy Kerrigan who choked their father to death over phone-use privileges?

He was taken to court over the death of dad, Daniel Kerrigan, and — as far as I’m concerned — got away with a slap on the wrist today: a manslaughter indictment.  I guess, however, it’s better than nothing. Kerrigan was initially to be charged with assault and battery, so I suppose we’ll just have to take what we can get in this case. According to the district attorney’s statement on the crime:

“[Mark Kerrigan entered his parents' bedroom] screaming obscenities and yelling about the telephone not working. [Retreating to the kitchen] the defendant then allegedly engaged in a heated argument with the victim, which escalated to a violent physical altercation where the defendant allegedly pushed, grabbed and shoved the victim, resulting in several pictures falling off the wall. The defendant then allegedly forcibly grabbed the victim around the neck, causing a compression fracture to the left thyroid cartilage of his larynx, and the victim fell to the kitchen floor onto his back, unconscious.”

See, the way I feel is that if your dad dies of a heart failure brought upon by stress and a sustained neck injury due to a “physical altercation” that ensued between the two of you, the blood is on your hands, man.

Elder abuse that results in the untimely death of your own father? Sorry, Mark, just not cool.

Come awnnn … Did you really think you could get rid of the World’s Greatest Humanitarian-Ever-in-Life that easily?

Oprah Winfrey’s taking her talk show skills to nighttime programming!

The transition was announced earlier today when reps for the big O confirmed that she’ll be be hosting a show on her new network (the Oprah Winfrey Network, that is) called “Oprah’s New Chapter.”

The show has the same kind of concept as all other talk shows, really: Oprah claims that the show will center around “having conversations with the people we all want to hear from, in some very unexpected places.” The unexpected places are said to include “the Taj Mahal to her beloved oak tree, the Great Wall to her own teahouse.”

… Oprah has her own teahouse, too? Damn. I should’ve known.

Well, I suppose it’s fitting. She can still do what she’s been doing best for the last few decades — making people fall asleep. This time, it’ll be during a more appropriate time slot than 4 in the afternoon, and good, ’cause damn, those mid-afternoon naps really wipe my ass out.

Lindsay Lohan gets grosser and grosser as the days go by. Especially those grubby little paws that she calls ‘hands.’ [Celebslam]

Pamela Anderson’s wasted. Again. [popbytes]

Brad Douriff freaks me the eff out. [Pajiba]

Aww, Miley’s talking marriage. This’ll end well. [Celebitchy]

AshleyMadison.com — a site for self-proclaimed “cheaters.” [Zelda Lily]

Bristol Palin puts out a really stupid Public Service Announcement. [Litely Salted]

Justin Bieber hates his teeth. I do, too. [Allie is Wired]

Heidi Klum loves sex, in case you couldn’t tell by her always-provocative photo shoots. [Amy Grindhouse]

Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr split up. As if you cared. [Betty Confidential]

… Either that or cry on them.  I’d take the lesser of two evils, but I’m not quite sure which one that’d be.

Fergalicious speaks to Elle in the new May issue regarding the public’s reaction to her mug and claims that it’s totally hurtful when people call her “fugly”:

“It has hurt me in the past when people say things like how ‘fugly’ I am or how horrible I look. I’ve had to learn not to give it such a high priority in life.   Look, when you’re trying to juggle all of this in your life, sometimes you’re not going to look perfect. I don’t have time to get a facial every couple of days.”

Yeah, I don’t think I’d be digging it too much, either, if I was constantly barraged with quips like “Fuggie-Fug” myself —  but this girl’s a celebrity, so she’s kind of under a hell of a lot more scrutiny than I, a lowly internet blogger, could ever be.

Don’t worry, Ferg.  I still think you’re beautiful even if you do you piss your pants on stage.  With you, we get a package deal and as far as I’m concerned, it’s a lovely gift.

So, for all you haters out there … lay off the Ferg.  She’s sensitive, don’t you know.

Looks like Dancing With the Stars alum, Kate Godzillasselin has hooked yet another show where her “fans” can watch her downward mental spiral.

Kate’s landed a spin-off of the TLC hit show Jon and Kate Plus 8 and filming commences around the time that Kate gets kicked off DWTS or something. Ha.

The show centers around Kate and her eight children surviving the aftermath of Jon Gosselin, divorce, floods of paparazzi and her embarrassing stint of being a “star” on a lukewarm dancing show. Reps for the show state that Gosselin will be addressing her “hoards” of fan mail throughout the shows and will help others focus on life as a single mother in today’s society, serving as their mentor.

Kate tells USA Today that she show is currently a “loose concept“:

“I want to be out there learning from others, helping to provide insight whenever I can, though I don’t consider myself an expert on anything.”

What do you guys think, are you ready for more yelling, hair extensions and mini-breakdowns?

I think a lot of you are, you crazy, Kate-lovin’ maniacs.