Sometimes people are too hard on Katie Holmes. The woman and her family are constantly photographed, so obviously she’s not going to be Little Miss Smiley Face all the time. Then again, sometimes Katie deserves to be called a grump or a zombie or a brainwashed beard or whatever it is that applies in the moment. Look at these photos! Suri Cruise, for maybe the second time in her short life, is actually behaving like a child. Bunny ears and slippers in the middle of the day, tongue hanging out, living life like a normal kid. And how does Katie express the joy she’s experiencing from watching her daughter blossom into a little human with a personality? She cracks a tiny smile and then immediately goes back to “Tom Face”. You know, that face she’s been making ever since he gave her that lobotomy at the Celebrity Center?

DIVORCE TOM AND RUN ALL THE WAY HOME TO OHIO, KATIE. RUN! LEAVE THE CHILD! IT’S TOO LATE FOR HER. JUST RUN, JOEY POTTER. RUN!

I’ve got bad news for all you Jersey Shore enthusiasts out there, and no, it’s not that we still haven’t found any more Snooki nudes. You guys, at the rate things are going, there might not be a second season of that sweet, fist-pumping goodness.

MTV has been planning to shoot the second season of Jersey Shore in another location (because it turns out that the Jersey Shore is significantly less interesting than the orange-colored booze-guzzling mosters that take over its rental homes during the summer), but the city they picked, Miami, wants nothing to do with the cast. A source spoke to RadarOnline and said, “A lot of places in South Beach aren’t letting them in. They’re not welcome at many spots, and they’re getting refused all over the place.” Not just that, but the cast can’t go anywhere without full-security and a police escort. Reality, indeed.

The main issue that the cast is having is that no bar owner wants to invite in a group of people that are known for having televised bar fights. Not only is it bad for business, but these folks are a liability. I have to say that I’m a little shocked that MTV wasn’t aware that this would be a problem. Hell, The Real World kids get mouthed off to and kicked out of clubs in every city they film in, so if you bring a sextuplet of infamous juice heads and hooker-looking people to a party city like Miami, there’s no way they’re not going to have a hard time.

So who out there can help J-Woww, The Sitch and the rest of the gang get their second season? Anyone want to volunteer their city to be taken over by the Shore kids? C’mon… How bad could it really be?

I feel like I’ve been waiting my entire life for this: Oprah is doing an entire hour with Christina Aguilera! The show is set to air live on May 7th and the audience will be full of Christina fans. Originally Oprah had a contest up on her site where you could submit a couple paragraphs explaining your love for all things Dirrty, but so many essays were received that they’ve stopped accepting them. Apparently I’m not the only one who’s been looking forward to seeing X and O together at last.

It’s hard to say if the format of the show will allow for any traditional Oprah interview questions (“What the heck was going on with you from 2001-2003? Be real, were you doing a lot of drugs?”), but if she does, I’d love to hear Xtina talk about her drug experimentation, her current thoughts on what’s going on with her former frenemy Britney Spears and some insight into her seemingly rock-solid marriage.

Nicole Richie and her daughter Harlow left a dance class yesterday in Studio City and hot on their heels were Isla Fisher and her daughter Olive. So Harlow Madden and Olive Cohen are in the same ballet class?! How cute is that? You have to wonder if the two stretch out on the barre and just shoot the shit about what it’s like to be a famous baby. Harlow’s like, “Last week my nanny had the balls to bring me milk. Regular milk! Milk from a cow! I was like, ‘Excuse me Rosalita, but I believe you meant to make this half vanilla Rice Dream, half decaf coffee with two Splendas?’”

Then Olive’s like, “I feel so bloated today. Those paparazzi better not snap me in my leotard! Ugh! The last thing I need is a baby bump watch!”  After that they probably snuck away to smoke Marlboro Lights and talk about how drunk Moses Paltrow-Martin was at the last Yo Gabba Gabba wrap party. Or something.

When you’ve spent the last several years of your life shooting, smoking and snorting anything you come into contact with, you probably would think that a measly set of breast implants is nothing compared to what you’ve already put your body through. Amy Winehouse, the ultimate cautionary tale of a human being, has proof that this is not the case.

Thursday night Amy found herself in the hospital after experiencing severe pains in her breasts. For those of you who are blind, Amy bought herself some tig ol’ bitties this summer. 54 thousand dollar ones. The immediate thought was that Amy’s implants would have to be removed, but after a night of surveillance at the hospital, the doctors still aren’t sure if that’s necessary.

The human body is amazing, you guys. You can smoke crack all day long, but you try and make your breasteses bigger than nature intended and Mother Nature will smack you right back into place.

“Once you are an addict you will never not be an addict. You’ll be an addict until the day you die. I think about it every single day. People who say they don’t think about drugs any more are dirty liars who are probably still using.”

- Kelly Osbourne telling it like it is re: addiction in Stylist.

I cannot wait for this girl’s book to come out. Kelly’s always been super dishy.