Well, isn’t that just lovely.

Fuck, I rag on these celebs like mad, but I’d never want them to die for crying out loud. I don’t know these ladies and gentlemen far well enough to wish them off of the face of the Earth, but clearly, Joan Rivers, Queen of the Stone Age of Plastic Surgery, does.

I know it’s hard to tell what the hell she’s saying with that Botox-collagen-cocktail perma-grin she’s got going on, but I definitely hear Mel Gibson should “fucking die” emerging from Rivers’ mouth.

Um, wow.

Video courtesy of TMZ.com

Half of me wants to say, “love it,” but the other, more rational half, wants to say, “leave it.” In the fireplace. And burn it. Then scatter the ashes over hallowed ground.

Katherine Heigl attended the ASPCA Bergh Ball in New York City this past week and was photographed wearing what Little House on the Prairie‘s Ma Ingalls would look like if she were a coked-out, bra-less candy striper, I guess.

Even the older lady in the photo is like, “Damn, baby … what’d you do to your [fill in the blank]?”

But on a side note, her hair, makeup and physique look pretty bangin’.

And if you can believe it, the photo shoot was said to be completely sans-Photoshop and airbrushing.

Although Kim’s got the roundest booty on Earth, she claims that it only looks as big as it does because she has such a tiny waist and legs:

“My butt is probably not as big as you might think, because I have small legs and a small waist, which makes it appear bigger.”

Kim claims that the whole point of the Harper’s shoot was to empower women to be who they are and not to worry about what others think of your shape:

“The message [of this shoot] is embrace your curves and who you are. I feel proud if young girls look up to me and say, ‘I’m curvy, and I’m proud of it now.”

While Kim feels that she’s got a killer body now, she didn’t always feel that way and wasn’t always motivated to stay on top of her shape:

“I’m trying to eat better — which is a struggle. I like carbs. I didn’t [used to] work out. I do now, even when I’d rather sleep in. I’m a firm believer that you should be your best you.”

She’s also trying to work on the “inside” and says that her Playboy cover shoot was “regrettable”:

“I’m sorry I did Playboy. I was uncomfortable.”

However, Kardashian claims that her mother egged her on to take part in it regardless:

“Go for it,” she recalls her mother saying. “They might never ask you again. Our show isn’t on the air yet. No one knows who you are. Do it and you’ll have these beautiful pictures to look at when you’re my age.”

Kim reveals — alot — in the upcoming May issue that heads to the newsstands on April 27th. Can you wait that long?

Ashley Olsen and her boyfriend, Justin Bartha — and a dog — were photographed yesterday afternoon in New York City while taking the streets by storm.

I’ve gotta give it to Ashley: even though she’s, like, crazily-ridiculously wealthy, she keeps it down-home and I completely dig that.

Even if she does look at times like she’d smell a little rank. I guess that’s “in” these days.

I am a hardcore, long-time fan of the Harry Potter books and movies, and I’ll be honest with you — I felt totally dirty even writing that headline, let alone considering the quasi-truth behind it.

Rupert Grint, most famous for his role as Ron in the Harry Potter franchise, speaks out about a flick that debuted his on-screen sexin’ skills. The film is called “Cherrybomb” and it was released in 2009. I did not see it.

Cherrybomb centered around a trio of young adults drinking, smoking, sexing and partying the weekend away. The trio begins stealing cars and doing a whole crapload of illegal things and the fun turns a bit serious when they realize they’re in over their heads.

Grint says:

“In ‘Harry Potter’ it was just a kiss, really. It was suggestive more than anything. This was a lot more intimate. It was quite nerve-wracking. I was quite nervous about it [the sex scenes].”

When asked if he could follow in Harry Potter co-star Daniel Radcliffe’s steps in donning his dong for all of the world to see, Rupert states:

“I don’t think I could. Just being on stage would be quite a scary thing, let alone with no clothes on. It takes a lot of courage.”

Cherrybomb was nominated for an Irish Film and Television award for Best Original Score.

Christina Applegate just announced her recent engagement to fiance Martyn Lenoble. Lenoble is the bassist and founding member of  Porno For Pyros. He also collaborated on music with Jane’s Addiction and Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots.

Applegate had a rough couple of years: a former boyfriend, Lee Grivas (who was, incidentally, a long-time friend to my husband) was found dead of what was rumored to be a drug overdose in 2008 and was later diagnosed that year with breast cancer. Applegate underwent a double-mastectomy and reconstructive surgery.

Both Lenoble and Applegate were married before — Applegate’s first husband was the uber-hot Johnathon Schaech in 2001, but the two split in 2005 citing “irreconcilable differences.” Their divorce was finalized in 2007.

The pair have yet to set a date for their wedding.

Congrats to the couple on their news!