According to a real-live source that spoke to PopEater, Kate Gosselin’s vagina is setting its sights on David Hasselhoff or Jeff Goldblum. Or David Hasselhoff. And wouldn’t that be great?

A “friend” of Kate stated that during a recent conversation with the frazzled mom-cum-”superstar,” Kate admitted to wanting some male companionship in her life:

“Kate is serious about going Hollywood and thinks dating a celebrity is a great idea. When Kate sees how Tom Cruise changed Katie Holmes life, it became clear that she needed to do the same. Obviously, she knows she’s not yet ready to date a George Clooney, but she thinks she would be the perfect partner for a Jeff Goldblum or someone like David Hasselhoff.”

Well, Goldblum’s kind of involved with an actress that’s 35 years his junior, so I guess that takes him out of the race for Kate’s love, but the Hoff’s apparently available. It’s understandable that she’d go for David. He’d project the same kind of role-model that her ex-husband, Jon, is exhibiting right about … yeah, now.

Good luck in your quest for love, Kate. Maybe you’ll luck out and get a reality dating show out of it, too. Lord knows you could use some more sub-par publicity on your plate, with, what, eight kids and all.

Rihanna was photographed during one of her concert stops looking fabulous — with full-frontal camel toe making a cameo appearance.

As far as I’m concerned, Rihanna’s got one of the hottest female bodies out there, but there’s nothing — I repeat, nothing — attractive about sporting camel toe.

You’re not chub in the least, doll, but maybe you can fit a better-fitting bodysuit next time. Unless, you know, you’re like a lot of people out there who totally dig The Cam.

Uber-diva temper-tantrum-phone-thrower Naomi Campbell has some very special news to share:

The model’s engaged! For real this time! Her current boyfriend (and Russian billionaire), Vladimir/Vladislav Doronin, pretty much confirmed what we’ve suspected for a couple years, now: the two actually are engaged. Although Campbell was photographed back in 2008 with an emerald engagement-like ring on her all-important finger, nothing had been set in stone.

Doronin spoke to Life.ru recently about his relationship with the violent model and stated:

“I can’t say it took us long to decide who will be bridesmaid. We are good friends with (Russian entrepreneur) Dasha Zhukova, she is a wonderful person and talented designer. So she will be next to Naomi at our wedding.”

Doronin must dig the whole crazy-lady-undergoing-amped-up-hormone-treatments type of thing because despite her long history of braining folks with phones and other blunt objects, he’s still marrying her. Campbell’s latest assault was on an unwitting cameraman, who she took a swipe at on a recent ABC interview. After being asked whether or not she had received a “blood diamond,” she walked off the set and knocked the nearest camera over.

Hope your marriage home has unbreakable crap in it, Doronin. But fuck, you’re a billionaire. Consider your shared stuff with Naomi to be a disposable investment or whatever.

I’d love to see how this one would go down.

McGee sat down for an interview with Life & Style magazine recently and opened up (kind of) about the Jesse James affairs. Bombshell stated that she’d like to meet with James’ estranged wife, Bullock, to “set the record straight“:

“I would like to sit down with Sandra and speak one-on-one. I’d let her ask me questions, and I would be honest and open with her about the affair. If that would help her heal, I would do it.”

And Bombshell isn’t the only one inadvertently poking fun at the award-winning actress. A deliveryman who frequented James’ Chopper shop claimed that everyone was pretend-intimidated by Bullock and would recoil in “fear” whenever she’d stop by the facility:

“They joked about Sandra being his sugar mommy and called her his Big Hitter. One time she looked pissed walking through. Everyone made a ‘Whoa, trouble!’ noise, and she just kept her head forward. They burst out laughing after she left, but she must’ve heard.”

So, yeah. That’s cool. It really is like middle school. The greasy wanna-be porn star is trying to get another fifteen minutes of fame make amends while smarmy delivery boys are claiming that everyone laughed behind Bullock’s back. Real suave, guys. I hope this gains you the iota of fame that you’re so desperately seeking. You might have the upper hand right now, since you’re the ones spouting the acidic bile that you are, but there’s an A-list actress out there that’s going to be famous no matter what you try.

But I’ll give you an “A” for effort asshole on this one.

Well, maybe once in awhile she’ll cop to it, but on the regular, she kind of has a rule against it. She claims that there’s always so much to choose from after her shows and people are generally ravenous for whatever they can get their hands on, but not Carrie, no way. She’s more selective than that, which makes her one of the classiest ladies in Hollywood to date.

Yeah, all that and healthy, too.

Underwood claims that she maintains her figure by avoiding the post-show pig outs on pizza, fast food and other high-fat, high-carb meals that most of her staff and friends choose to gorge themselves with. Carrie states that she keeps a separate refrigerator stocked with “smart choices” and this, in itself, helps her maintain her fabulous figure.

Carrie states that she hardly ever dines out at cheap fast-food restaurants, but does admit to going to a restaurant on occasion:

“Every once in a while I have a day off and I might go to a restaurant — but no aftershow food and I keep my fridge stocked.”

Good for you, Carrie. You look great and it’s because you’re eating healthy and exercising. You’re not locked in your trailer’s tiny, dimly-lit bathroom with half your hand down your throat and you know what? I think that’s pretty damned likable.

Lindsay Lohan’s Twitter page isn’t exactly a trusted news source, but the outburst that we saw this morning seemed too familiar to write off as fake. 

Lindsay claimed that her father (aka “ex-dad”), Michael Lohan, broke into her home this morning. In her Tweets, Lindsay claims that she was putting her father on blast because she had no other way to protect her younger sister, Ali. What about the police? A restraining order? I mean, what the hell is an audience of a million random people and Perez Hilton going to do for you, Lindz?

Ironically, Lindsay thanked her mother before taking a break from her laptop, claiming that without her, she wouldn’t even know herself. This from a woman who’s been in a drug and booze induced haze since she was 17. Riiiiight. 

I’ve never sided with any Lohan but Lindsay, so this isn’t to say that I don’t think her father isn’t both inappropriate and insane, but she needs to STFU for a minute. Her family drama may be public and it may have started out that way against her will, but at this point, she’s the main perpetuator of her own bad rep. Unless Lindsay starts using her experiences with her father to help other people in similar situations and no money, then I don’t think we need to hear her talk about it anymore. Same shit, different day, ya know?