Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Happy Birthday, Kristen Stewart!

Twilight star and girlfriend of every middle-aged mom’s wet dream, Robert Pattinson, turns twenty today.

Amazing that this talented actress is only just two decades old and has been in the business for more than half of that time.

So, in light of the birthday girl’s special day, let’s review the highlights of her career on the very day she slithered screaming from her mother’s nether regions, shall we?

–She was locked in a fail-safe room with crazy-lady Jodie Foster in one of her first movies.

–She scared the fuck out of me with that creepy-assed movie, The Messengers. And don’t lie: it scared you, too.

–Kristen dated that creepy kid that starred in Almost Famous who never seemed to age from the waist up.

–Stewart was in Sean Penn’s adaption of Into the Wild, but I didn’t know that until I heard it blaring from the living room late one night. My television decided to turn itself on that evening. See previous accolade regarding The Messengers.

–She was caught toking it up right in public. If that doesn’t say, “Who gives a fuck”, nothing does.

–She garnered super-stardom fame from the Twilight franchise and has been a household name ever since, going on to act in the biopic of The Runaways.

–Again, girlfriend’s dating Robert Pattinson … we think — and that’s just about the height of awesome even if admitting that does make me sound like a forty-something soccer mom or worse, a ten year-old screamer.

I bend to your supreme awesomeness, Kristen, and wish you many happy years ahead. I have a feeling we’re going to be seeing quite a bit of you in the future one way or another.

35 CommentsLeave a comment

    • It’s a safe (read: fake) relationship for both of them to hide in before they’re ready to officially come out.

  • Are you talking Patrick Fugit? Because he’s 15 shades of awesome while she’s 15 shades of suck. Seriously, she’s a horrible actress. I haven’t seen the Runaways yet, but I’ve seen her in other non-Twilight movies and she’s awful. Not as awful as Pattinson (watch him destroy Little Ashes), but still pretty awful.

    • looooove patrick fugit! and she was alson in “in the land of women” with adam brody and meg ryan, which i really enjoyed :)

    • Patrick Fugit is one of the best actors out there. Quites literally amazing. He has a charm that is unparalelled.

  • Drat. Apparently, I share a birthday with Kristen Stewart. I don’t even want to share her boyfriend, particularly (his hotness peaked in Goblet of Fire, I think). At least today is also Jesse McCartney’s, and while I have no respect for him as a person or as an “artist,” he IS pretty attractive.

    • Shelia, If I were you I’d start praying that the /b/tards don’t see this post and you hatin’ on the vampire chick. cablespeed may not be happy with a DoS attack. Just trying to help out.

  • For a perpetually glum looking young woman who isn’t the greatest actress, she has had extraordinary success.

    I hope it continues – she doesn’t seem to be on the crazy-track, despite how bizarre her life has been.

    • I’ve actually met crazy blonde crack whores who were WAY friendlier than this talentless cold as ice closet lesbian.

  • As you can tell, this pic shows her reaction after someone said to her, “Well, Happy Birthday, Kristen!!!”

  • Why is it that people nowadays can discuss without the hate, the envy and jealousy?If for one second you were in their shoes and people were reacting in that specific manner toward you; you would feel as if you don’t deserve this. AT least, Some famous people are doing something with their lives. Their works are there to be appreciated and criticized but not the person himself. Learn how to differentiate, life would be so much simpler. Happy Birthday Kristen!!! keep up the great work.

  • I don’t think Kristen Stewart has dated Patrick Fugit. She HAS dated Michael Angarano (from Sky High) who looks like Patrick.

    • Oh, Michael Angarano is gorgeous. I have thought that he was attractive since he played Jack’s son on Will & Grace.

  • She might be a cool girl, but talented actress…. she is hit or miss in my opinion. The Cake Eaters, Land Of Women-good. Twilight, Adventureland – BEYOND painful…

    I think her bad performances are so bad that the good ones don’t matter.