Tim Burton’s on this whole fairy tale kick as of late and while both Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland were kind of “eh” in my opinion, I am all about what’s rumored to be his next project: Maleficent. And guess who’s might be playing the lead? The only person who could, of course: Angelina Jolie.

Maleficent! Remember that bitch? The evil fairy godmother from Sleeping Beauty? Burton wants to re-tell the classic story from her point of view. Now you know that that’s going to be off the chain. It’s been a minute since I’ve seen a big-budget movie staring a kick-ass female and look at the Disney version of the same character from years ago:

OK, yeah. I’ll be seeing this if it gets made. Don’t go too crazy, Burton. Don’t mess this one up.

I guess LeAnn Rimes wasn’t satisfied ruining Eddie Cibrian’s marriage, because now she’s complicating custody issues between her man and her ex, too. Damn. Never really pegged LeAnn Rimes to be the kinda girl who’s OK making a kid miserable on his birthday, but it’s foolish to act surprised about anything these days.

The drama started when LeAnn told Eddie that she didn’t want his ex-wife, Brandi Gianville, to celebrate their son Jake’s birthday together because it would make her uncomfortable. Bitchy, right? Brandi spoke to E! Online about the whole thing and the lady didn’t hold back a bit:

“Eddie and I had planned to do something together and small for Jake’s upcoming birthday on April 15th. [Eddie] has changed his mind. He is now saying I can’t see Jake on his birthday because it falls on his custodial day and it would make LeAnn uncomfortable.

I have been so cooperative with Eddie and LeAnn for the sake of my children. I even went and signed and notarized a document saying they could take my kids out of the country to Mexico on vacation. I wouldn’t want to deprive them of such a great opportunity.

I have already spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning alone, missing my children, and crying because I have no family near by… Jake is my son, not Leann’s. He should be with both his parents on his birthday.

Eddie seems to care more about LeAnn than what is best for our kids. He doesn’t even come to Mason’s baseball games on my days because LeAnn doesn’t want him around me.”

You know me by now, right guys? Normally I’d put this Brandi character on blast for taking this to the press, but this statement doesn’t read to me like she’s seeking petty revenge or publicity. It reads more to me like she’s a newly-single and not by choice mother who wants to protect her kids but the bratty woman that stole her husband away from her isn’t making it easy.

Let’s hope that this information being public shames LeAnn in to loosening up. She’s a cheater, she married a cheater, she’s got to live with that. If anything, his ex-wife is the only woman she should be comfortable letting Eddie around. “Been there, done that”, you know? MmmmHmmm,

And she’s thinking, ‘Damn, B, I paid through the nose for this shit!’

Lindsay-Everyone-Claims-She’s-Gonna-Die-Soon-Lohan leaves a house party on Saturday night and looks every bit the part.

God, Lindsay.  You’re a fucking mess. Your self-tanner’s stained your palms, your gum lines are receding, your pupils are big enough for Gabby Sidibe to walk through … if this wasn’t such an apparent, time-after-time lack of self-regard, I’d start to feel pretty badly for you.

And in case you were wondering, no, I have not a fuck’s clue as to what that shit actually is.

Only one term comes to mind when I look at this photo: “The Shocker.”

Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston were photographed on the sly — from the back — while the photogs in front played the whole “distraction” card.

The photos of the duo and another dude were taken during the Paris promo of their new movie, The Bounty Hunter.

No word if Aniston’s been granted knockin’-on-the-back-door privileges in her and Butler’s reciprocal “friendship.”

Image courtesy of TMZ.com.

Lady Gaga turned 24 yesterday and to celebrate, she posted a cleavage photo of herself online, all the while seducing a really fortunate teacup. The image was posted on her Twitter account, along with accolades to her fans for supporting her over the years:

“Thank you so much for all the beautiful birthday messages, videos, and gifts. The greatest present I’ve been given this year is you I love u.”

“I’m 24 today, so you know what that means? Let’s raise a glass to 30 more years of writing music and videos for my beautiful little monsters.”

What’s a lady like Gaga doing to celebrate her birthday?  She claimed that she wasn’t doing a whole lot of “special” for the big event and simply wanted to find the “nearest bar” in Australia (where she’s currently touring) that smelled “like urine” and get wasted.

Happy Birthday, Gaga, and here’s to many more years of your outlandish caricatures and fabulous music!

As I mentioned last week, our beloved Kelly will no longer be spending her weekends with us here at Evil Beet. Kelly is irreplaceable, but we’ve got a weekend slot to fill. The position for right now is every-other-weekend, but, as you’ve seen if you’ve stuck around here awhile, talented, hard-working writers tend to get promotion opportunities and extra shifts, so if you’re flexible with your potential time commitment, that’s a plus (but not a requirement).

This is a PAID position. Here are the requirements:

- Weekend availability (this means you give up your weekends — think long and hard about whether you’re willing to do this before you apply)
- Comprehensive knowledge of and love for celebrity gossip
- Strong, well-developed, unique writing voice
- Impeccable spelling and grammar
- Computer know-how (you don’t have to be a genius, but you need to know your way around a computer and be able to use some basic image editing software)
- You must be at least 18 years old
- You must either have a mailing address in the U.S. or able to accept payment via PayPal

If you’ve applied in the past, please feel free to apply again.

Your application should include:

1) A cover letter
2) Your age and location (city and state)
3) Your current occupation (if this is “student” or “unemployed” or “mom” or “I sell weed but only when I need the extra cash to buy crack,” that’s awesome too, I just want to know).
4) Writing samples. Preference will be given to folks who have a blog they update regularly. (It does not have to be a blog about celebrity gossip.) If you don’t have a blog, or if you’d like to supplement your blog with additional pieces, please include writing samples, published or not. But the best thing you can do for this is attach a link to your awesome blog that you write on all the time.

Applications should be sent to spasulka@gmail.com with the subject line “EB Weekend Editor Application.” If you send your application with the subject line “Hey Beet!” or “My Awesome Application” or “Try v1aggra” or (shudder) “PRESS RELEASE,” it will not be considered.

The deadline to apply is 5pm PST on Friday, April 2.

Harsh words aside, I always love reading the applications I get from you guys. You prove every time how immensely talented and hilarious you are, and this process always makes me proud to have you as readers and e-friends.

xoxo
Beet