We all sneak snacks in to movies, right? Sure, technically it’s against the rules, but it should be against the law for them to charge you four dollars for a bag of Sour Patch Kids, right? It’s a fairly common practice. However, today Seal and his wife Heidi Klum are making headlines over Seal’s reluctance to give up his Pinkberry at the doors of a Los Angeles theater.

The story goes like this: Seal and Heidi roll up to an AMC in Burbank, and Seal has a big container of Pinkberry that he’s been waiting to enjoy during his movie. He was nabbed by the theater managers on the way in who told him that he’d have to finish his snack outside the theater. Seal lost it, and an eye witness says he was acting like he owned the place as he berated the manager and finished his frozen yogurt.

Any report I’ve ever heard about Seal and Heidi says they are two of the nicest people imaginable. Sure, the theater manager was just doing his job, but I think Seal was just trying to comprehend why he paid twelve dollars to see a movie and the theater’s not accommodating him. I feel that way every single time I go to the movies! I’m with Seal on this one. Screw your rules, movie theaters! In this economy, no one can afford your snacks.

The 2009 We Don’t Give a Fuck Tour has extended itself into 2010!!! On Monday, Robert Pattinson showed up on the red carpet for the premiere of his film, Remember Me, and posed with co-star Emilie de Ravin. Emilie’s next movie should probably be called Remember to Take Your Skirt Out of Your Underwear After You Pee, because obviously that was a problem for her this time around. FASHION! Honestly, people.

Also there: Kristen Stewart! She’s not in the movie but she gets to go to the premiere because she’s having vaginal intercourse with Robert Pattinson. And you know what? SHE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK. About ANYTHING, much less this boring, self-indulgent movie premiere she has to attend. She is sooooo over all of this, and it’s important you know that, and you can tell because of how bored she looks. Ennui is the new black, and window dressings are the new leggings, y’all.

God, I love her so much.

Yeah, so, Naomi Campbell smacked some driver in NYC upside the head today. Then she fled the scene, because she’s all class like that. Here’s the run-down:

A man hired to drive Naomi Campbell told police the supermodel assaulted him from the back seat of a luxury SUV on Tuesday before hopping out and running away.

Police were looking to speak with Campbell, who is known for her feisty temper, and were weighing whether to charge her.

A spokesman for Campbell, who has previously pleaded guilty to assaulting people hired to work for her, said she’ll cooperate with police. “There shouldn’t be a rush to judgment,” spokesman Jeff Raymond said. “Naomi will cooperate voluntarily, and there is more to the story than meets the eye.”

The driver, whose name wasn’t immediately released, told police he pulled the black Cadillac Escalade over in midtown Manhattan after Campbell hit him from behind and his head struck the steering wheel, causing bruising under his right eye. He spoke to a traffic agent, who alerted police. Campbell was not at the scene when officers arrived, police said.

I love how, whenever shit like this goes down, the PR flacks for these celebrities immediately issue statements that “there’s more to this than meets the eye.” In this case, it’s especially hilarious, because the only obvious thing to meet the eye is the steering wheel of this dude’s SUV after Naomi Campbell physically assaulted him. Like, what’s the part of this we don’t understand? The part where the driver took a wrong turn and there was no absolutely no alternative other than to hit him? Because if we don’t hit the help when they make a mistake, how are they supposed to learn? You guys should have seen my housekeeper after she put a fork in the spoon compartment of my silverware drawer. Suffice it to say she will never make that mistake again. (Also, if you can think of an animal bite that looks like a fork stab, please contact me asap. It’s important.)

I don’t feel like I really need to run down all of Naomi’s past employee assaults for you guys. You read celebrity gossip blogs. If you have questions, all you need to do is parse through the expansive “Legal Issues” section of her Wikipedia page.

I want to have this all squared away in time for the next season. My neighbors and I have been playing by the following set of (fairly simple) rules all season:

You drink any time someone says:

journey
leap of faith
path
fall/falling/fallen
heart

This set of rules is enough to get a small elephant drunk. (It does not work as well with the large elephant, but, in my defense, he refuses to drink anything stronger than beer.) I think there’s room for expansion, though. Thoughts?

…while filming a scene for their television in Malibu! Uh! Got you guys! LOL! You really thought they found a dead body on the beach and I waited until roughly 2:30 in the afternoon to post about it? Please, homegirl has SOME journalistic integrity. I know that the JoBros fumbling around with a dead body on the beach would be a way bigger story than the Vicki Gunvalson adulterous make-out story. Jeez! Anyway! Check out these photos. Kevin looks like a dork.

The lives of Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller are getting freakier by the day. RadarOnline had the scoop today about Charlie and Brooke’s unconventional sex life.

“Brooke is bisexual,” another insider told RadarOnline.com. “She and Charlie have had more than one woman share their bed in the short time they’ve been married.”

“Some of the women they slept with together also did drugs with them,” the insider told RadarOnline.com.

It’s not particularly shocking that the couple had some crazy stuff going on. Charlie has recently checked in to a rehab facility and Brooke is undergoing similar treatment (for a freakin’ crack addiction!) at home after having checked herself out of two rehabs in two weeks. Oh, and there was that Chistmas knife fight, too.

And it’s about to get a whole lot worse for the couple:

The first source would not reveal if the woman who is about to go public saw Sheen and Mueller do drugs. And the source would not say when or how the woman will tell her story but RadarOnline.com learned that it will happen within the next two weeks.

Sheen, who is facing prison if convicted on a felony and two misdemeanor charges in Colorado, will be under even more heat if the Colorado district attorney is able to introduce illegal drug use into the actor’s trial.

You guys, Charlie Sheen is 45 years old. That’s too old for you and your wife to be acting like Blake Fielder-Civil and Amy Winehouse. Get your shit together, Charlie Sheen!