I didn’t see Alice in Wonderland this weekend, and I’ll probably wait until it comes out on video. But it seems that wasn’t the norm; the rest of you went out to the theater this weekend and gave the film the biggest March opening ever at $112 million for the weekend. That smashes the record set by 300 in 2007.

I’ve seen every other Tim Burton movie that has come out in the last 10 years, so in a way, I’ve already seen Alice in Wonderland. My friend described it as  taking all the parts of Alice in Wonderland that the masses know about– not necessarily from the book– and vomitting it up on a timeline with lots of white face paint. Sounds about right to me.

Though she’s up for best actress tonight at the Oscars, Bullock has already taken home an award this weekend. Last night, she showed up in person to accept two Razzies, the annual awards given out to the worst of the worst in film for the year.

Bullock won worst actress for her work in the flop All about Steve, and shared an award for worst c0uple with her costar Bradley Cooper.

There aren’t a lot of Academy Award nominated actresses who would have the good humor to show up in person and accept an award for worst actress on the eve of an Oscars ceremony in which they’re nominated for best actress.

Gosh, she’s just so damn likable.

Her 5 minutes aren’t even up yet and I’m already so tired of this Ke$ha chick.

In a recent interview, she told a reporter she was “into energy.” Not sure what the hell that is supposed to mean, but apparently it means wearing things squirted out of your mom’s vagina around your neck.

“I recently went to see a past-life regressionist, who is also a psychic. I wear my placenta around my neck every day, because it’s supposed to give you second sight. I feel like I’ve had many lifetimes before. I’m so not a victim. I have been working on realising this dream, my path, my mission, for years. I’ve really invested a lot of thought, time and effort into it. The last thing that makes me is a victim. I think it’s a bummer when people don’t represent that properly, when they portray me as purely one-dimensional.”

She’s right. Ke$ha has many dimensions. There’s the dimension that … ahem… “sings” annoying, stupid lyrics, which is totally separate from the dimension that says annoying stupid things. Also, there’s the dimension that wears afterbirth like jewelry.

Truly multidimensional.

The only thing I can come up with is:  ”Holy Shit, that Crazy Homeless Man Trying Not to Piss Himself is Antonio Banderas.”

Jemaine Clement walked the red carpet with Matu Ngaropo of Tourism New Zealand at the 25th Film Independent Spirit Awards in L.A. on Friday.

Ngaropo struck a few poses for photographers and assisted in unveiling the country’s  new tourism slogan:

And now it’s time for a lesson in cross-cultural cursing.

minge [m?nd?]

n Brit taboo slang