Unfortunately, my prediction that Lil Wayne would never actually wind up in jail was wrong and he began serving his sentence on March 10th. Wayne’s serving his prison time in New York (Rikers Island! Just like they talk about in rap songs and on Law & Order!), and has been warned by the guards not to be open about his fame and flat-out banned from signing autographs.

While this may seem like these restrictions were put in place to keep Wayne in check. “Lil Wayne is not a celebrity in here,” a rep from the Correction Officer’s Benevolent Association told TMZ. Damn. Kicking the man when he’s down.

Miss you, Wayne.

Ever since Sandra Bullock won her Oscar, I have been having a whole love affair with her. Whether you think she deserved her win or not, you can’t deny that she’s refreshingly normal and down to earth seeming. Yes, she’s a big movie star and super glamorous at times, but she’s still schlepping her husband’s three kids around in her car in her workout clothes. Just like us, you guys. Just like us. (And check out Jesse James’ older two kids– it’s hilarious how much they look like their father.)

“She was 15, and I wasn’t allowed to grope her. I’m actually not kidding, there are major restrictions that I don’t remember from when I was younger.”

-Kristen Stewart, talking about her kissing scene with Dakota Fanning in The Runaways.

(Sorry for three Kristen Stewart posts in a row. I guess she’s just that fascinating.)

I have been waiting for this moment FOREVAH. No one will actually end up seeing this movie (I predict it will be a phenomenal flop), but this red carpet moment is to DIE for.

Kirsten Stewart. Joan Jett. Dakota Fanning. Cherie Currie.

It’s like Kristen and Dakota are these young women who should be incredibly confident with their sexuality on a red carpet and yet are both incredibly awkward with it, and Joan and Cherie are these two older women who should be downplaying their sexuality on a red carpet and yet both are like “LOOK AT MY HALF-NUDE BODY, DON’T YOU WANT TO THROW ME DOWN ON THE FLOOR AND DO COCAINE OFF ME, TAYLOR LAUTNER??”

Also there: Taylor Lautner (duh, Cherie Currie brought him in her left tit because he’s not old enough to drive yet), Ryan O’Neal, Tatum O’Neal, and, in the coup de grace, Judge Reinhold, for reasons that will remain a mystery (read: he’s Kristen Stewart’s date).

Lastly: If that Dakota Fanning puts on any more weight I’m gonna have to start calling her Dakota Fatting.*

*Kidding, of course. She couldn’t be any thinner. But sometimes I like to rile you guys up. Okay, always.

Oh, boy … I can’t wait to spend an entire hour with awkward pauses and incoherent mumbles in a live setting!

Stewart claims that although producers haven’t asked her to host, she’d still beg anyway probably do it in a heartbeat, although she doesn’t think the majority of guest stars are all that funny and compares herself to them:

“I would love to say yes for sure, but that is really really scary.  I am so critical of myself and then also of people who are on the show. It’s like, ‘Nope, you’re not funny—next!’”

I don’t hate Kristen Stewart — quite the contrary.  I kind of think she’s super-cool.  However … her “too cool for school” attitude has to give a little bit.  It worked well for her for the first few months of her uber-spotlight shit show, but it’s starting to wear thin now.  Smile a bit more, take a few classes on public speaking and then — then! — consider SNL.  I think it’d be a pretty ill career move to do a live taping when you can’t even interview without chewing on the strings of your vintage-sixteen-days’-unwashed-hoodie strings.

Much love for you, girlfriend, but I don’t think you’re quite ripe for Betty White-caliber fame just yet.

… And I think, by throwing John Mayer under the bus, that it just may not happen.

Simpson, who appeared earlier this week on the David Letterman Show was grilled by Letterman regarding her past with various — ahem, rather attractive — love interests, but I found it funny that while exes Tony Romo and John Mayer were discussed, no one thought to bring up who Simpson’s now allegedly dating:  Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan.

However, Billy’s gonna try to ride this “unnamed” buxom female celeb train until its fame wears off, evidently, because he’s once again speaking out on Jess’s behalf.   John Mayer most recently opened his loose-lipped flap to Playboy magazine regarding his and Simpson’s nuclear sexual past and Jess was none too happy about it, as she claimed on Letterman.

After Corgan was audibly snubbed during the interview with David Letterman, he’s still standing by his woman and sounds off to Rolling Stone about his thoughts on the comments that Mayer made off the cuff:

“He’s trying to destroy his career … Rather than take a year off or change his musical direction, some part of it is irritating [John Mayer's] soul to the point where he’s trying to blow it up.  Certainly a talented guy, but empathetically, it’s hard to watch someone literally burn their career to the ground speaking as somebody who’s done it.”

After some more vague rambling, Corgan states:

“For any person who has celebrity to drop rocks at somebody else’s feet like that, there’s things you should really just keep your mouths shut on.  There’s things that should just be left alone.”

And then the clincher that Corgan dropped a few weeks ago to the same publication:

“If people knew her [Jessica Simpson] like I knew her, they would love her like I do.”

Aww … Someone’s pissed that they’re still not yet getting any from Hollywood’s favorite, elitist gift horse.