Kate Gosselin’s Pennsylvania Dutch, duh. Obviously homegirl had a rough time making it across NYC today on foot. First she had a pack of photographers following her (not that she minded, I’m sure) and then she got detoured by the St. Patty’s (OR PADDY’S! DON’T SHIT YOURSELF IN THE COMMENTS! PICK WHICHEVER ONE YOU LIKE AND GO WITH THAT!) Day parade. Also, I’m going to get drunk at lunch today. Just wanted to let you guys know.

Sandra Bullock gets lost dog back, puts husband in the doghouse. [Celebslam]

Marky-Mark still walks around with his underoos hanging out — and still kind of looks okay. [popbytes]

Sigourney Weaver pushing Aliens to the side and is possibly involved with a new vampire flick project. [Pajiba]

Kate Gosselin denies that she’s a diva and a bad mom. [Celebitchy]

Hey, DC’s giving away free condoms. You know, if you happen to be in the area or whatever. [Zelda Lily]

Jessica Simpson’s new reality show was a flop, I guess. [Litely Salted]

Bret Michaels hearts Miley Cyrus. This is a match made in heaven. [Allie is Wired]

Kendra Wilkinson claims that she won’t pose for Playboy ever again. [Amy Grindhouse]

Amanda Seyfried admits that it’s tough staying skinny. [Betty Confidential]

While looking through YouTube trying to find you guys a little something something to pay tribute to my people on their day (that’d be the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day, duh), I came across this news clip from New Haven, CT local news. Turns out that this year, for the first time ever, the police are cracking down on public drinking during the annual St. Patty’s Day parade. Um, whack?

Look, I get it. People get drunk and they smash mailboxes and it’s harder to watch them so more police have to be out and that might mean some people are working overtime and it’s very expensive for the community, blah blah blah. That’s great. HOWEVER, I’d like to point out something: It’s so rare that an entire community is able to meet for a public drink while enjoying something they have in common, which is their love of standing outside and drinking. If you don’t foster relationships within the community, the whole town suffers. Crime rates will go up and stuff, I’m sure of it. No one’s going to rob their friend Peter and his wife Jen that they met at the parade and shared a brew with, but they might rob the weirdos up the street with the dog that shits on your lawn, you see what I’m saying?

Get it together, New Haven! Let the people have their drinks!

Happy St. Patricks Day, BTW.

I am an above average-lover of Kendra Wilkinson, and this is a little bit embarrassing for me to admit, but I didn’t watch a single episode of the first season of Kendra without breaking in to tears. I’m rooting for the girl, you know? She’s spunky and she tries and you really can’t ask for more than that.

Anyway, I just caught this clip of Kendra on Hulu and I have to say, even for fake celebreality plots, this one is a little trite. In the clip above, you see Kendra putting on a Sauna Suit in attempt to lose weight. She proceeds to go complain about her lack of post-baby weight loss (it had been one month since she’d given birth when this was filmed!) and showed off her tiny gut to her husband saying “I wouldn’t fuck me looking like this.”

Yikes, Kendra! Give yourself (and all mothers out there who don’t have the luxury of childcare, et c.) a break on the post-baby weight loss!

Girlfriend’s milkshake (?) has all but dried up according to this picture.

I always admired Winslet for her gorgeous, curvy figure and now she’s looking like just another post-divorce, pasty, misery-laden actress with weight-loss cellulite hanging out underneath the area that used to be considered a rather generous bottom.

In retrospect, Winslet did look a little glum at this year’s Oscars — her recent split with Sam Mendes must be taking its toll on her.

Girl, you’re thirty-four years old or something and you have the potential to be super-banging au naturale, not to mention wickedly-talented. Get on up, get over it and keep the train moving. You know I love you, sweetheart, but you need to beef that little frame up, like, yesterday.

Check out post-emaciation Kate in the gallery below.

This is clearly his response to Dina’s request for further child support or finding out that trainwreck daughter Lindsay doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning her cash cow lawsuit against E-Trade.  Goddamn it how some people just can’t stand to be out of the limelight for thirty-four seconds and kind of funny how certain things come around and go right back around and, well, punch you in the chest.  I’m not even remotely saying that Lohan deserves what happened to him but it’s always refreshing to see how people react after they’ve had a heart attack or a close brush with death — even a minor one. Some people pull a new lease on life and ask others for forgiveness and some remain to be the heartless bastard that they’ve always been.  Which do you guys think it’ll be?

It’s certainly too bad, but hardly surprising, what with all of the poisonous venom running through his veins.

Sorry for the, uh, inconvenience, Papa Lohan, and best wishes for a speedy and thorough recovery.