Jenni “J-Woww” Farley of the Jersey Shore knows what it’s like to be a fake, plastic tree in a forest of, well, fake plastic trees.

Her latest endeavor?  Promoting Cosmetic Surgeon in a Jar alongside Dr. Steven Greenberg, the product’s creator.

While Woww’s got the body of a goddess, she should really work on that face of hers.  I don’t know if she’s had facial alterations in the past or not, but she could sure use some TLC on her mug.  She could be really pretty if she laid off the black hair dye, super-boobs and tanning and it’s almost a shame that someone with such potential could systematically wreck her face in such a haphazard fashion.

Team Cosmetic Surgeon in a Jar FTW!

Jesse James’ mistress, Michelle McGee, is one high-class broad. In case you couldn’t tell by the forehead tattoo, the Nazi photo shoot should sum it on up for you.

McGee recently had some more dirty laundry aired out — she worked for an internet-based “girlfriend” service and now her latest social faux-pas (aside from sleeping with a married man who happens to be united with a top Hollywood actress) was posing for a Nazi-themed photoshoot, with matching “white power” tattoos on the backs of her hindquarters.

Sophisticated mama.

Images courtesy of TMZ.com

This week is the first of a two part reunion episode hosted by the one, the only, Perez Hilton!  He refers to the girls as “eight of the craziest bitches I have ever seen!”  And from what we have seen this season, he is totally right.  Amber starts the reunion with some big news: She’s preggers!  And she proudly lifts up her dress to show us her 18-week plump belly.  The four ‘survivors’ of the show, Kendra, Amber, Annie, and Lexie, start off by reviewing their road trip at the end of the season.  They totally DITCHED Annie on this trip and you can tell by the tears in her eyes that she is still pretty upset about it.  One thing that stuck out to me is that Lexie doesn’t act like a total moron.  Is it possible she was fake the whole season?  She had me fooled!

Next we welcome Kate whose hair was looking faker than ever!  Oh god, I forgot how much I dislike this girl.  However, this reunion episode gave her a chance to explain her mental and emotional exhaustion in the house which caused her to be so cruel.  I call FAKE, Kate.

Next we get the ‘self-proclaimed baddest bitch of them all,’ Natalie.  Ohhhhhhh Natalie . . .  This is when Perez whips out his water gun and explains that if anyone misbehaves he will not hesitate to use it.  My favorite part?  He tells Natalie that she most CERTAINLY does NOT run L.A., that no one knows her last name, and that he runs L.A.  Natalie then reveals that there is a secret she and Kendra never revealed . . . Kendra had sex with Marcus.  I’m a little confused, didn’t we already assume that?
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Even though Corey Feldman decided to skip his BFF Corey Haim’s funeral services out of respect for the family and not wanting to create a media frenzy, he did take to his blog to tap out a good-bye to his buddy.

From Corey’s blog (I will be adding the shit out of that to my RSS feed, BTW):

Dear Corey.,

This is for you on the day of your funeral. First off I am so sorry I am not there with you today. By that I mean my physical body is not with your physical body. However you know that my heart is right at your side. You also know the only reason I am truly not there is out of respect for your mother and her wishes to minimize the media attention as much as possible. I want your family to have a calm peaceful day. Hopefully we will not see one shot of the funeral on the news. Just know I am at home today projecting positive energy for you  and your passing.

I miss you so much already. When I think of something funny I don’t know who to tell it to. I find myself trying to call you but then remember your not there. I think about the new movies we will soon be doing together and then suddenly realise that the dream is over. I always feared this day would come, and often rehearsed how to face it. But once confronted with the reality of it, it’s so much more painful than I could have ever imagined. Nobody will ever understand the brotherhood we shared. Nobody will ever get the inside jokes we told. Nobody will understand the magic of 22/222 . Nobody will ever know how to do the secret Corey handshake. Nobody will ever make me laugh as hard as you did. Nobody will ever make me fight as hard as you did. Nobody will ever challenge me the way you did. Nobody will ever need me the way you did.

My mission in life became saving yours. I never gave up, I tried …I walked away, but I always came back, to let you know I was there. In a dark and lonely world with spiteful angry people we always understood each others pain. I have been so hounded by the media and barraged with condolences since your death that I have not been given my own time to grief. I was still in shock while cameras were chasing me down the street looking for my feelings on the matter. When I did Larry King I could barely form sentences, but knew I had to be strong to send a message.

I never knew your death would have such a huge impact on the world. I learned something Corey, there are a lot of people out there who really love you, and appreciate the joy you have brough tho their hearts. I only wish you could see the way the world is mourning over your absence. I wish you could see how big the story is. I wish you could see your face finally filling the cover of People magazine and Entertainment Weekly! That would have meant so much to you. It is such a shame they all had to wait until you were gone to give you the respect you were due as an actor which is what you truly were. The great Canadian actor Corey Haim! I love you and I will forever keep that ring close to my heart. I will do my very best to help give you a memorial that is a celebration of your life the way you would have wanted it…..with everybody laughing and rocking out!

My heart is so broken and I know there are so many who feel the same way I do. We will remember your spirit and your fans will help me keep your legacy alive.

I pray that you are safe and warm and finally filled with peace.

I love you

CF Core Feldog DAWG  C-DOG  KID and every other name you used to call me…..dine!

If Corey Feldman’s mission in life was saving Corey Haim’s life, than he failed miserably at that on a lot of levels. I find Corey Feldman to be a particularly insincere person, but I do believe that the loss of his friend has been very hard for him.

Tina Fey is KILLING IT in this month’s Esquire. Killing it. Of course the interview is funny as hell (On what she thinks Twitter seems like: “a busman’s holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I’ll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I’m old-fashioned that way.” and what she thinks will happen to her level of fame: “[It] will drop back down. I think it’ll recede. In fact, I know it will. That’s life on planet earth. And I’m okay with that. Besides getting tables at restaurants and special treatment at the airport, what else is there?), but she’s also hot. Hotter than usual. Smokin’. The photos are to die for. Check ‘em out.

Mackenzie Phillips has been in the news quite a bit this year for shocking (but not so shocking) behavior. First she went on Oprah to talk about her consensual sexual relationship with her now deceased father, then she wound up on Celebrity Rehab. Well, here’s another one to add to the list: Homegirl got a new face.

In the spirit of Heidi Montag and bitches with low self-esteem everywhere, Mackenzie went and ruined her appropriately aged face by filling full of rat testicles and stapling it in places where faces shouldn’t be stapled. I’m all for plastic surgery, especially when it’s used to fix a legitimate problem, but unnecessary nips and tucks like this drive me nuts. Doesn’t it bother someone to know that everyone else knows their face is faux?

Check out a preview of her new mug in the clip from E! News up top.