I used to love Alias.

The first 2 seasons, I was all about it– from the moment double agent Sydney Bristow showed up in the lobby of the CIA wearing that raver wig and looking beat all to hell, till they pulled that crappy 2 year time lapse thing at the end of the second season and things started to get all weird and shitty.

That show was amazing, because it was the first time I can remember a female lead in a modern action series that wasn’t just two dimensional (or should I say, 32-DDimensional) but managed to be strong, sexy, smart, badass, and yeah, vulnerable at the same time. Before you could say “Emmy nomination” I was signing up for Krav Maga classes and checking out books on game theory from the library. I never finished either the books the Krav Maga lessons (or the TV series for that matter) but I’m pretty sure Jennifer Garner, Bradley Cooper, and Michael Vartan all thank their lucky stars every day for that damn raver wig and the character beneath it who gave them their big breaks.

As I mentioned above, the show started going downhill for me after the end of the second season, and this week, Michael Vartan (who played Sydney’s love interest, Vaughn, on the show) finally nailed the coffin shut for me by getting engaged to his girlfriend Lauren Skaar, a woman he met in a Whole Foods parking lot in Los Angeles last year.

What the shit? The only thing I’ve ever managed to pick up at a Whole Foods is a growler of Yazoo beer.

So, congratulations and stuff…. I guess.

At least we still have Bradley Cooper. I know at least one writer on this website who is willing to be such a beard for him the L.A. Kings will constantly think it’s hockey playoff season.

Access Hollywood‘s Billy Bush has finally gotten the lowdown on those burning questions of who Joe Jonas is dry-humping these days:  his very own Camp Rock co-star, Demi Lovato.

I don’t know if any of you guys saw that movie, Camp Rock, but man, the sexual tension on the Disney set was thick enough to cut with the dull edge of a chastity belt.   I’ll admit freely that I succumbed to the cheesy-awesomeness of the flick, despite the fact that I had to hide my viewership from the rest of the people who live in my home, ’cause I was properly mortified at my own morbid fascination.

However, in a recent interview with Bush, Demi Lovato “accidentally” confirms that she and the eldest Jonas are, in fact, dating.  When asked about her preference in Jonas brothers, she admitted that she and Joe are best friends and that led to the obligatory trap of “are you fucking going to church together?” Demi confirmed that she and Joe were “best friends” before entering into the wilderness of a committed relationship and that she’s now being treated to “the most amazing places.”

And just in case you were wondering, you skeevy bastard you, yes, they are fucking going to church together.

All this in what, a week?

So compelling, it’s almost hard to keep up with all of the changes in the superstar’s life.

After firing Spencer Pratt as her “manager”, Heidi Montag hired psychic Aiden Chase to be her manager, spiritual guide and on-location psychic.  Guess Heidi didn’t care for Chase’s predictions as to where her career was going to inevitably go, because it’s recently found that Montag’s now fired Chase — a week into his new, swank job.

Montag states:

“I have decided to part ways with Mr. Chase both as a manager and as a psychic and will scrutinize business decisions more carefully in the future.”

Heidi claims that she’s a “strong, independent” woman and will, henceforth, be managing her own career.  … Wait for it … wait for it … HAHAHAHA!

Funny thing?  Chase seems to know nothing about his doom-filled termination — and it is doom.  If you’re fired by Heidi Montag, dude, that’s like getting fired from a volunteer organization.

In a recent interview with People magazine, Katherine Heigl states that she’s finally “ready” to be a mom.  Her adopted daughter has only been in her life less than six months, but she’s come to the realization that, uh, family should come first. She and her husband, Josh Kelley, adopted their daughter this past September from South Korea, when the child was only an infant.

This comes at an interesting time, with those rumors regarding the end of her stint on Grey’s Anatomy.  Who knows, some might even speculate that no one wants to work with the woman who’s rumored to be a shit on set and no networks are willing to pick her — or any of her potential characters — up.

Congratulations, Katherine, on your startling revelation that family should always — always — come first.  Now you’re only half the asshat I thought you were.

Ever hear of Rob Fusari?  No?  Yeah, me either.

He’s some kind of “songwriter” and “music producer” and by that I mean “probably not” but he’s also the ex of Lady Gaga and that gives him an overinflated sense of what I like to call entitlement.  He’s also suing her highness for $30.5 million because he claims that he created Gaga’s image and boasts that he was “instrumental” in writing some of her songs. Indeed, Fusari claims that he was responsible for the stage name “Gaga” and also states that he set her career in motion by introducing her to all of the right people.  Even if he did give her some artistic input for her image, I hardly think that constitutes a thirty-million dollar settlement.  Pathetic.

This is so completely lame and it really irks the shit out of me when has-never-beens try to get stoned off of the stardom-train’s fumes.

I don’t know what you look like, Rob Fusari, and personally, I don’t care, but bitterness does not suit you — or anyone else — very well.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit is bringing the heat with the guest stars once again this season. Some of this seasons celebrity highlights included Rosie Perez and Kathy Griffin, and now you can add Sharon Stone to that list, too. The actress was photographed filming scenes in New York with Chris Meloni and Mariska Hargitay and to be honest, I forgot what an attractive lady she is. Also, the still of her acting are pretty hilarious. She looks like she’s “really into it”.