via Guest of a Guest

For those of you who’ve been sleeping, ChatRoulette is the craziest/creepiest thing to happen to the Internet in forever. You log on and are given a random person to talk to via video and audio chat. Most of the time you just wind up watching a bunch of creepy dudes masturbate, but sometimes you also strike gold. Probably the best example I’ve seen of this is the chat some college bro had with Ashton Kutcher. Of course Ashton does ChatRoulette!

Ashton and the math major from University of Calgary shot the shit about Ashton’s movies for awhile before Ashton had to peace out because he was “hosting snl” that week.

While you probably won’t find yourself meeting Wilmer Valderrama if you log on, there is a tiny chance you could see someone whose face you recognize. Hey! Even I got spotted on ChatRoulette last week.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want us to know that not only are they soooo not breaking up, but they love each other enough to suck face in the middle of the street. Does it matter if their kids are there? No! Let them see the love that mommy and daddy share! Does it matter that there’s a strange man taking their photo across the street? All the better! Let these two crazy-in-love fools show the rest of the world how to do the damn thing.

I give them another year, tops.

Well, this is awkward.

So you know how Nancy Kerrigan’s brother Mark is probably responsible for their father Dan’s death? Because Mark strangled Dan over the right to use the home telephone? OK, well, the Kerrigan family is convinced that Dan actually died from some pre-existing problem and so they’ve bailed out Mark and he’s living at home with his mom again.

From People:

Kerrigan, 45, was released from Bridgewater State Hospital on Tuesday and was returned to the county jail for the night. He is facing assault charges for a violent altercation that resulted in the death of his father, Daniel Kerrigan, 70, on Jan. 24.

Woburn District Court officials confirmed to PEOPLE that the bail was posted Wednesday morning. As part of the conditions of his bail, Kerrigan must wear a GPS bracelet, submit to alcohol and drug screening and get mental health counseling.

I’m just going to tell you how this reads to me: The Kerrigan family has a mentally ill son in his mid-40s that lives at home. He’s troubled, but they love him and compared to his sister, how was he ever supposed to succeed? The parents feel guilty. They support his odd and bratty behavior, like bullying them over use of the phone. One day things get out of hand and Mark goes nuts on his dad in a way he never has before and it results in death. The family, both shocked and experiencing great loss, doesn’t know what else to do but to support their son. The father is already dead and if the son goes to jail, that’s just another huge hit for the family. And remember! Everyone feels very guilty about Mark’s life and whatever mental condition it is that he has, so they are quick to forgive him for his odd behavior.

Is that definitely what’s going down over there? I have no idea. But if I were to take a guess as to why a man who the police think killed his father is being welcomed back in to his mother’s home with open arms, that would be it.

Charlie Sheen bit the bullet this week and checked himself in to a rehabilitation center as a “preventative measure”. The actor, whose wife is currently trying to beat a crack addiction, is said to be very stressed by the domestic violence charges looming over his head and was afraid he’d fall off the wagon harder than ever before. People in Charlie’s crew are saying that this is legit, though. Supposedly he’s not hitting the bottle again and he just wants to make sure that he doesn’t mess his family up any more than they already are.

A friend of Charlie’s spoke to People Magazine and said, “Charlie is stressed. He’s tired. The kids are on his mind. Brooke’s on his mind. A lot of things are on his mind. He didn’t want to get a place where he had the urge to get high. He’s not using and he doesn’t want to. He felt like he needed to get away from negative influences around him and clear his head, rest and take a short break.”

If that’s the truth, that sounds like it’s just about the most mature thing that he ever did.

You know who needs to disappear? Chris Brown. That fool just cannot help himself. He’s still talking about how the whole “beating up Rihanna” thing was really hard on his reputation and that he’s actually a really nice guy. This morning he did that whole routine for the Mojo in the Morning radio show and he attempted to keep his shit relevant by relating himself to another bro we all hate right now, Tiger Woods.

“I think it’s cool man, I think people always deserve a second chance, and I know if my fans give me a second chance and people give me a second chance..whatever his personal life is and I think this goes for me and him; his personal life is his personal life – like nobody has the right to place judgment or make any judgment on somebody else’s personal life when they’re not directly involved with them—like they might be a fan, or might support what they’re doing but like if he plays golf, like that’s his sport, that’s his hobby, that’s his love, that’s what people love him for. They don’t love him for the other stuff that they talking bout. I think, even with me, like I do music, I sing songs, like I’m an entertainer, I’m a performer, but people make mistakes, I think people have to realize that everybody’s human, and the good thing is if you learn from your mistakes, then, then that’s a part of life, and I think that’s a part of living and learning from mistakes and becoming a better person, and growing from situations, so my hat is off to him—I support him, I hope he gets back on the field and does his thing, cause he is the best at it.”

Me me me me me. Jesus Christ. This guy’s head is so far up his own rectum that he doesn’t even realize what a self-involved moron he sounds like. He needs to be locked away in a closet until he gets the heck over himself. True.

“We can’t arrive at the same time because of the fans. It goes crazy. This was supposed to be a public appearance as a couple but it’s impossible. We are here together and it’s a public event but it’s not easy. We have to do all this stuff to avoid attention.”

- Robert Pattinson finally admits that he’s totally dating Kristen Stewart in The Sun.