If you’re looking for something uplifting or inspiring, you’d best go read something else: you’ll find naught but bitterness here.
Bitterness because the fact that Jennifer Aniston is turning 41 makes me feel really, really old.
Bitterness because, at 41, she’s more attractive than my saggy 28 year old ass will ever be.
Bitterness because while I’m stuck here huddling under a blanket in the grips of Snowtorious B.I.G. 2010 with nothing but my flaky, white, winter-ravaged skin to keep me company, her tan ass is prancing around in a bikini in fucking Cabo with Gerard Butler, Courtney Cox, and Sheryl Crow.
Can you taste that?
It’s the acrid taint of deep, bitter jealousy. Crack me a beer and pass the buffalo chicken dip– I’ve only got 14 hours (of Superbowl pregame shows) to get this taste out of my mouth.
16 CommentsLeave a comment
… and this right here is why you are my favorite writer on here.
“Snowtorious B.I.G. 2010” .. shit, you’re good!
Agreed. I loved that and I love Kelly!!
She’s getting really good at making me smile when I read her stuff. Good writing.
You are the lucky one.. trust.
haha i love you!
There is nothing that makes my day as much as seeing Jen. I would literally do anything to have her in my bed, even if was just to run my fingers along her body.
You know Merc, we’re all thinking that, but this is the Internet and we have standards of decorum here.
Yes, because writing annoyingly pesky comments and arguing with sweet old ladies about how to cook ribs on here is so much better (see comment thread in mashed potatoes menu is racist post).
ps. feel free to come on over and make me dinner anytime. my mouth was freaking watering reading through the comments.
Holy Jesus, she’s 41 years old??? Yeah. That makes me feel old too.
Interesting how you never see skeletor Angelina Jolie in a bikini.
Damn Aniston with her bad ass body. I am so having lunch choice regrets right about….now.
she looks great but..i’m not jealous. i think that if I was 41, I would want to start (have started) a family with someone i love. not saying that everyone has to get married and have babies, but if that’s what you’re into, there’s really no reason to be jealous. i don’t see gerard butler fathering anything anytime soon.
Well…not that he knows about, anyway…
Yeah, I agree with Katie & the troof. We don’t all want the same thing, & I’m glad she seems happy. Fewer obsessive headlines screaming about her desires to get married & have children (who knows how much is true) could be a good sign, also, but I wouldn’t trade my happy life with awesome husband for any of it tho!
A not very pretty semi talented woman who no one would even remember if Brad Pitt hadn’t married & left her. That’s why 5 years later she does her best to keep the storyline going. Boooorrrrrrinnnng!
I don’t care if you like it or not Jenifer Aniston is a plain Jane.Crooked jawline,eyes to close together and no talent. She has to know someone in the business to get where she is at. How dare them insult our intelligence by trying to convince us she is beautiful. Elizabeth Taylor when she was young was beautiful,not plain Jane Aniston