I am a terrible Jew. On Saturday, I learned it was Purim by reading Twitter. So I felt bad. I did go to an improv comedy show that night, which is a reasonably Jewish thing to do, I suppose, but then I felt even worse to learn that Jersey Shore‘s Snooki actually attended a Purim event, along with castmate Vinny, at Manhattan hotspot Solo. I’m sure she was there because the Jewish traditions are close to her heart, and not at all because the Jewish owners of a Manhattan nightclub shelled out a shitload of money to have reality TV stars at their event.

Anyway. The freakin’ glass roof of the venue collapsed. Snooki did, of course, what everyone reasonable does in a crisis situation these days: she tweeted about it. “Its okay Vin and I are still alive. Omg roof just collapsed at the purim event! We thought the dj was beatin the beat hardcore but nope,the roof couldn’t handle snooki and vin.”

Vinny had a more reasonable explanation on his Twitter: “Roof just collapsed at Purim event…. I think me and @sn00ki felt the wrath for not being Jewish”.

My guess is that Snooki’s hair kept bumping up against the glass until it caved. Note to American Jews: Italian-American girls now have even bigger hair than we do. Although we still win in the tit department. AND THAT’S WHERE IT MATTERS.

I still can’t figure out how or why Jennifer Lopez is relevant, but she looked very pretty hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. And the songs she sang as the musical guest were very pretty, too, and I’m sure they got interesting and catchy right after I hit fast-forward on my DVR five seconds after she started singing. But I freakin’ died at the cold open, mocking the “We Are the World” remake. There was also a hilarious sketch about Smashmouth being in a little girl’s closet, and it has resulted in my bursting out with “Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me!” at regular intervals throughout the day. I wanted to post it on here so that it could be stuck in everyone else’s head, to, but the sketch isn’t posted on NBC’s website or on YouTube. If you know where I can find it, I’d be much obliged.

What this blog is missing right now is a SHITLOAD of Lindsay Lohan pictures. The raven-haired beauty has been all over Milan’s fashion week, notably by Roberto Cavalli’s side at his show. Kissing him on the lips. Because I guess, if you’re squinting hard enough, he does look a little like Samantha Ronson.

I can always tell Lindsay is un-sober when she does that pose with her arm bent over her head and her eyes all squinty. It’s a dead giveaway. You know what I hope isn’t dead? All those damn furs she’s wearing. Those things better be fake, Linds! It looks like she killed a cheetah and then injected its balls into her lips.

Robert Pattinson sat down with MTV to discuss his new movie the other day and the star admitted that he’s not a huge 3D fan and that he’s actually been avoiding seeing a lot of movies that use it. Damn! Right there with you, Rob. I go to the movies to see pretty, flat people on big screen and half the time I’m just trying to pay attention the the story. A pair of 3D glasses just seem like an additional obstacle. I’m over the 3D craze 100%. Lets just let movies be movies.

One kind of ironic thing about this statement coming from Robert? He’s currently working on Breaking Dawn, which is being filmed in 3D. Whoops.

Who is that beautiful actress popping up all over Italian fashion magazines? Would you believe that it’s 42-year old Nicole Kidman? Because I sure as hell don’t. I’m used to seeing Nic botoxed within an inch of her life, but something about her face in these photos looks even more off than usual. Have those always been her lips? Doesn’t her nose look a little more… slim or turned up or something? There’s no denying that Nicole Kidman is a gorgeous woman, but lady in these photos doesn’t look like the one I’m used to seeing.

Chynna Phillips just checked in to rehab for “anxiety”, but she quickly freed herself of all those no-good nervous feelings and is back on the streets. Her manager Lizzie Grubman (OMG, who could forget her!?) said in a statement yesterday, “After successfully completing her in-patient treatment for anxiety, Chynna Phillips has happily returned home to celebrate her daughter’s birthday with her family and close friends.” Grubman also added, “It was a positive experience for her. She’s doing really well. She is in great spirits.”

I’m not really sure what the hell they managed to do to rid Chynna of her anxiety in what seems like a 30-second span, but I bet she really did need the help she got. Homegirl had one hell of a summer after his sister Mackenzie went on Oprah to out her incestuous relationship with her now-deceased father. Is it possible to treat anxiety in rehab, though? In my early 20s I developed pretty horrible anxiety and started suffering from anxiety attacks (which essentially feel like someone’s slapping you in the face while setting a refrigerator on top of your rib cage), and the only thing that’s been able to help me figure out how to cope has been Xanax and a lot of talking. Still, it’s something I deal with every day and it’s hard to imagine that two weeks at a glorified spa could help set someone up to deal with their emotional problems for the rest of their life.