I certainly hope this isn’t true, but I have a sinking feeling that it is.

Radar is reporting that Ben Affleck — who famously entered rehab for his drinking problem back in 2001 — was most definitely off the wagon at the Sundance Film Festival:

At the party for his new movie, Affleck “immediately sat down at a VIP table and grabbed the bottle of Absolut in front of him and poured a drink,” a source told RadarOnline.com.

Publicists, staffers and others were stunned because they know that Affleck is an admitted alcoholic. They got rid of all the photographers near the area to protect Affleck.

I have to admit, I’ve had a feeling for awhile that something wasn’t quite right in the Affleck world. The photo agencies have new pics of Jen with the kids nearly every day, but you very rarely see Ben in them. He wasn’t at the Golden Globes with Jen. The last photo WireImage has of them together was taken in March of 2009. That’s a long time for a very famous couple not to hit the red carpet together.

Anyway. Ben. This sucks. I don’t want to see you go through this, and I don’t want to see your family go through this. Get back to rehab, asshole, and get sober. I downright refuse to write your fucking obituary this year.

You guys, I need this so, so, so badly. I need to go to the Jersey Shore and party with the natives. I need to see the gorillas in their natural habitat. I need to do it from the Jersey Shore house. It’s for rent, you guys. It’s for rent.

Here’s the listing:

Parking: 3 Car
City: Seaside Heights
State: NJ
Zip: 08751
Price: $3,500
Beds: 6
Baths: 3
Floors: 2

Full Description: Limited Time Only The Jersey Shore house is currently available for rent. This is a once in a life time opportunity to have your Graduation, Sweet Sixteen, Bachelor or Birthday party in one of the hottest properties on the East Coast. Book Now. Availability is limited. Current Rental Rates February 15 – May 1 $3500 single night rental* $2900 per night when you book 2 or more nights* May 1 – July 15 $6500 single night rental* $4500 per night when you book 2 or more nights* Memorial Day and July 4 Weekend $15000 3 night rental Friday – Monday* *All rentals are subject to a minimum damage security deposit of $1000.

I have never been much of a gold-digger, but I’m about to start, because I need a man who will rent this house this summer so my friends and I have somewhere to crash when we’re not out fist-pumping and drink-throwing in the clothes we bought from JWOWW’s upcoming clothing line. (OH YES I WILL OWN CLOTHING FROM THAT LINE. AND I’LL WEAR IT TOO.)

Speaking of JWOWW, I got an email from her publicist yesterday. This was the subject line:

MTV MEGA STAR J-WOWW TO SPEAK TO MEDIA TOMORROW REGARDING SECURITY ISSUES OF HER HOMECOMING CELEBRATION ON LONG ISLAND AFTER ALMOST RIOT

I read it like five times trying to figure out what the hell those words meant juxtaposed in that manner. And that was the part of the e-mail that made the most sense. Jenni, call me. Let’s talk about how to choose the people you work with a little more wisely. I’ll do your press releases for free, dear, if you’ll pay for my Jersey Shore house rental. Deal?

Brooke Mueller took off to North Carolina last week to go to a “wellness facility”, which is usually Hollywood legalese for “drying out and doing rich people things in a safe, drug-free environment”. Rumors started flying that Brooke was on crack (crack!?), and that the day Charlie got all knifey on her, she was high. Brooke’s attorney thinks you’re a moron if you believe that story, though and said the following to E! News about his client:

“She’s in North Carolina with her mother for some rest and relaxation, and she is still being treated for her infection and pneumonia,” he says. “The story about her being in rehab is a crock of crap.”

Brooke’s mom is with her at the rehab facility and also insists that her daughter is just there to relax and get her shit together. She also spoke to E! and said, “I’m with Brooke right now. It’s true that we are at a resort that specializes in many things for a ‘wellness’ facility…People come here for a variety of reasons. Brooke’s reason is mainly to get away and be pampered, and, at the same time, she can work on her physical and emotional health.”

So we’re settled on that. Brooke Mueller is just going to therapy and getting massages. But I’m interested to know where crack came in to play. What an interesting drug to accuse someone who’s not Whitney Houston of being on.

We had a lovely conversation on here yesterday about whether Taylor “I Don’t Give a Fuck” Momsen’s “I Don’t Give a Fuck” attitude was cool or un-cool. So how fitting that, today, photos of the 16-year-old smoking a cigarette on the set of Gossip Girl surfaced. Cool or un-cool, y’all?

Here’s my take on the whole thing: The girl’s 16 years old. She was like 14 when she landed the Gossip Girl gig. She really didn’t sign up to be anyone’s role model. She was just suddenly rich and famous and an underage sex symbol practically overnight, and I’d be lying if I told you I’d have responded any differently to that scenario as a teenager. Do I think smoking’s cool? Eh. I quit last year, but there’s still something very old-Hollywood glamor about it, not gonna lie.

I still love you, Taylor, even if you are the next Lindsay Lohan. Then again, I’m kind of financially invested in finding the next Lindsay Lohan, so I’m not entirely unbiased here. Smoke on, Momsen.

Alicia Keys is rumored to have gotten an extra special gift for her 29th birthday, an engagement ring from her boyf Swizz Beatz. The only thing that keeps this from being 100% happy news is that Swizz is in the process of divorcing his wife. Has to make you wonder how these two got together if he was still married, huh?

Right now there are tons of blogs out calling Alicia a “homewrecker”, a term that I never really like because it implies that a woman is capable of “wrecking” someone’s family. At the same time, I hate cheaters and scandalous, no-good behavior, and the reports don’t make Alicia and her man sound so great:

Rumors have been swirling for months now that Keys and Beats began a relationship while he was still with his now-estranged wife, singer Mashonda.

The legendary producer, who has worked with Beyonce, Keys, Jay Z, Eminem and a slew of others, said he didn’t want his current relationship with Keys to play any factor in his divorce.

While he previously denied any romantic ties to Keys, Beats reportedly admitted to the News that he is in love with her.

Meanwhile, Mashonda is reportedly in developing a court case against her soon-to-be-ex husband for slashing his child support payments for their 2-year-old son Kasseem Jr.

It’s kind of shocking to think of sweet Alicia Keys hooking up with a man who’s stiffing his soon-to-be-ex-wife on child support for their baby. This isn’t exactly Tiger Woods-style drama, but it’s always a bummer to read stories like this.

Tomorrow’s Oprah is going to be some serious must-see TV. Jay Leno taped an interview with her yesterday talking mainly, I would assume, about his recent battle with Conan O’Brien for the seat at The Tonight Show. A snippet has been released online, and it does not make Jay sound good. I’ll touch more on that in a second, but read this first:

Oprah: “Have you talked to Conan in person?”

Jay: “I haven’t talked to him through all this. No. I haven’t.”

Oprah: “Did you want to pick up the phone?”

Jay: “Yeah, but it didn’t seem appropriate.”

Oprah: “Why?”

Jay: “I don’t know. I think it — let things cool down and maybe we’ll talk, you know?”

Oprah: “Were any of the things that he said about you hurtful?”

Jay: “No. They were jokes. And that’s okay. I mean — ”

Oprah: “So jokes don’t hurt you.”

Jay: “It’s what we do, you know? You can’t — it’s like being a fighter and say when you got punched in the head, did it hurt? Well, yeah. But you’re a fighter. That’s what you do.”

To me that reads like Jay’s a total puss. To see the level of integrity that we saw from Conan over the last few weeks versus this guy saying that he can’t even pick up the phone and say “Sorry, man. I know this sucks, but I’m kind of doing what I have to do,” is pathetic. It’s not public opinion that the two of them are friends, but that seems to be the most obvious gesture one human who’s fucking over another human could make. Furthermore, his attitude implies that he knows he was wrong in taking back his job after ceremoniously handing it down to the next person in line. In a way, the only thing respectable about Jay Leno right now is that he’s at least willing to go on Oprah and admit what a jellyfish he really is.