Remember when that dude punched Snooki in the face on Jersey Shore? I don’t know how you could forget. It’s not every day that a man punches a woman in the face and when it does happen, rarely is it treated like a form of entertainment. The man responsible for throwing the punch, Brad Ferro, is finally paying for his actions and has just been canned from his job as a gym teacher in New York. Yup, he was a gym teacher. Does that solidify anyone else’s childhood fears that their gym teacher was capable of murder?

One thing though: According to TMZ, the NY Department of Education says they are just writing up his termination papers now and that he’ll have 30 days to pack up basketballs and roll up his mats before he’s looking for new work. So does that mean that TMZ knew he was getting fired before he did? There’s a chance not, but crazier things have happened. Like when that meathead punched that short chick in the face on that trashy reality show.

Christina Aguilera looked stunning rocking that wig/glasses/scarf combo while shooting a scene for her upcoming movie, Burlesque. Of course Christina Aguilera is in a movie called burlesque (so are Kristen Bell and Julianne Hough.) I don’t even think of the Pussycat Dolls when I hear that word, I think of X-Tina, who took her fascination with the artform to an all time high a couple years ago when practically everything she wore looked like it belonged on the stage of some Hollywood speakeasy back in the day. The description of the film from IMDB is as follows: “A small-town girl ventures to Los Angeles and finds her place in a neo-burlesque club run by a former dancer.” Hmmm. I like the idea of a burlesque film and if she’s singing it in, I am for sure watching, but the plot summary kinda makes this sound like Glitter II.

As if there were any real doubts about it prior to this.

Authorities have officially determined MJ’s cause of death as “acute Propofol intoxication” which was due to an “intravenous injection from another.”   This is so, so sad.

What’s even sadder is that while yes, while there are people out there who have severe addictions and need help, there are individuals who will do everything in their power to secure as much money as possible — even if it knowingly means endangering the life of another.

Doctor Conrad Murphy is expected to be charged with involuntary manslaughter.

To think the King of Pop might still be alive — and better than ever — if someone, anyone, had intervened in his dangerous habits.  You know, someone like his own doctor, even.

Oh, Simon, you awesome British shithead, you.

I love this show.  Like, I love this show in the same way that the fabled fat kid loves cake.  Maybe even more.

Reps announce that Simon is jumping ship on the kind-of-sinking American Idol and will judge and also be an executive producer for a related show, The X Factor. Which, like Idol, will also air on Fox.

I don’t know, man.  First that crazy Paula gets dropped and we think that the show can’t withstand the rigors of judging talent without a nutty, drugged-out former dancer to keep us entertained and now this?  What are you doing, Fox?  Are you singlehandedly trying to ruin my life?

Paul McCartney goes topless on holiday and ends up looking a lot like what I pictured my grandmother to look like in a pair of swimming trunks and nothing else.

His girlfriend, however, Nancy Shevell, has a mighty fine-looking ass for someone who’s almost fifty.   And dayyyyum, check out that waistline! She’s clearly never grunted a child out of her vagina.

Also, on the topic of Nancy Shevell’s vagina, mad kudos to her for bumping uglies withGramma McCartney.  I’m sure she’ll have a good comeuppance in the long run for indulging an old maid’s man’s freaky-deaky ways.

Nah, I’m just kidding.  I love Paul McCartney and his old lady funbags.  He’s sweet and talented and probably a super-nice guy. I just wouldn’t want to do ‘em.

Mel “The Faux-Theologian-Polygamist” Gibson is backing his man Tiger, through and through.

Gibson states that he feels sorry for the philandering phool Tiger and states that wife Elin isn’t free from blame, either and that she should just quit whining  …’Cause Elin hasn’t shut up about the incident since it happened, right?

Why does Mel feel even that he’s got an important hand in what’s going on in the mess known as Tiger’s marriage? Oh ho, it’s because he claims that he took a hatchet to his own marriage and anyone who does that should “own it.”  That … makes terrible sense, Mel.  Or maybe it’s terribly senseless.

Aside from the fact that he does have a valid point — we shouldn’t be focusing so much on a fallen athlete’s personal career when there are real tragedies going on in the world (namely, Gibson’s contagious craziness), but I still wouldn’t want this assclown in my corner no matter who I slept with.