Hey, have you seen our one billion photos of Golden Globe gowns? No? They’re here. I think we made it about 3 minutes into the broadcast before someone mentioned Haiti, and it was a pretty steady stream after that, and now everyone’s auctioning off their gowns to raise money for the earthquake victims.

Everyone from Meryl Streep to Drew Barrymore to Jason Reitman touched on the tragedy during their acceptance speeches.

Streep and many of her fellow Hollywooders, in fact, are using the event as a way to raise money for Haitian relief efforts, as “House” star Olivia Wilde told MTV News on the Globes red carpet.

“We’re not only here for ‘House’ and doing this for ourselves, but we are here for Haiti,” she said.

Wilde and her colleagues — including Streep, Josh Brolin, Gerard Butler, Amy Poehler and Jenna Fischer — are auctioning off their Globe outfits for an organization called Artists for Peace and Justice, with all proceeds going to help the people of Haiti. One hundred percent of the proceeds with go directly toward the relief effort.

“It’s a really cool thing and hopefully we can turn all this fashion coverage into something positive,” said Wilde, who wore a Gucci gown.

The 25-year-old actress traveled to Haiti in December to help build a school, which, according to Us Weekly, was destroyed in the earthquake. As Wilde and the rest of Hollywood gear up to drive donations toward the embattled island nation — including MTV Networks’ George Clooney-led telethon set to air on multiple networks and cable channels on Friday (January 22) — the “House” doc also emphasized that young people can pitch in to help, staging everything from bake sales to barbecues to raise much-needed funds.

Look, my heart breaks for the people of Haiti. I can’t stand watching the footage on TV, and I find the exploitative human-interest coverage on “news” sites like CNN repulsive. But my heart broke for the people of Haiti before this earthquake. It’s the poorest country in the Western hemisphere. Those people have been suffering and starving for decades, but you weren’t texting in your $10 when they still had a port we could use to get food to them. I find it hard to believe that 100% of any money can go to helping these victims when we can’t get planes in, we can’t get boats in, we can’t get troops in and we can’t get doctors in, because the entire transportation infrastructure — what little existed in the first place — is destroyed. (The Economist has a great piece exploring this issue further.) It’s not that I don’t think we should help, it’s just that we’ve adopted this entirely false sense of national pride because we think that by donating $10 via text message we’re somehow getting food and medical supplies to these people. We are not. We can stockpile all the rice in the world at the Beverly Hilton — we still have to land a plane on a non-existent runway in Port-au-Prince and do battle with the starving crowds that greet it in order to actually get that food to those who are helpless. That’s the hard part. The ramifications of this tragedy are a lot more complex than we’d like to think, and it’s a matter for the military and the U.N. to figure out. Your angry rebuttals go in the comments.

You guys, Paris Hilton’s Twitter is like the funniest thing in the world right now. It is 95% product placement and 5% fawning over Doug Reinhardt. I don’t know which I find more disturbing. But all that girl does on her Twitter is plug nightclubs and restaurants and websites, and she doesn’t even have the Lohan-style decency to occasionally go on drunken rants. One of her favorite websites to plug right now is her own, the re-launched ParisHilton.com, which features a strikingly underutilized Community section composed primarily of Paris’s own posts and phenomenally creepy fan art. And this photo of her and Nicky in a bathtub, which Paris herself posted:

I think the only Twitter I hate more right now is The Situation’s, which is, like, written by a magical computer permanently set on “douchebag.” I’ve never seen anything quite as upsetting.

Paris and Doug were out and about in Vegas this weekend, club-hopping for cash. She’s put on weight in the past six months, which I think might be a good thing. I think it’s possible that Paris Hilton is actually experiencing some internal peace and happiness, and, if so, good for her. Just cut it out with the pay-per-tweet, dude.

So I didn’t watch the entire Golden Globes award ceremony — in fact, I only got through about 40 minutes of it before I had to go to more important things like stare at the wall. I thought Ricky Gervais was pretty funny, which clearly sets me apart from everyone else in that room. I have never seen a group of award attendees look less happy to be there. Like it’s some gross imposition to have to leave their homes on a rainy Sunday and figuratively jack each other off for three hours while wearing ridiculous expensive dresses that they didn’t have to pay for.

And here’s the thing: The older I get, the less impressed I am with this shit. When I was younger, it was all like, “Oh my God, they’re all so glamorous and beautiful and perfect,” and now I’m kind of like “These people look old and worked.” Maybe they just need to stop broadcasting this shit in HD? I dunno. Awards shows are just disappointing to me lately.

I will say this, though: There were no giant misses on the red carpet. No one looked absolutely horrendous. People also didn’t take a lot of risks this year, which may be because of the rain and may be because of Haiti and may be because of the economy and may be because they’re all too busy sitting around wondering which of them is going to OD next to spend much time discussing options with Rachel Zoe, who really ought to be eating the dresses rather than selecting them.

Some winners in my mind: Lea Michele, Kate Hudson, Diane Kruger, Jennifer Morrison and Christina Hendricks, who is just hot as balls. Oh, and Olivia Wilde is still the most beautiful woman to ever walk the face of the planet.

Some sadnesses I observed:

You guys, Matthew Fox is old now. I don’t know at what point this happened, I don’t know where exactly the line was crossed from hotness into un-hot old-itude, but it happened, and it’s terribly depressing to me. I really thought Matt Fox would age well. I think he was my first celebrity crush. I almost rented the apartment next door to him in Manhattan Beach once, with a fool-proof plan to steal him away from his wife and be with him forever, but thank God my roommate didn’t want to pay the extra $200 in rent, because Matt Fox didn’t age well. That’s so disturbing to me, you guys.

Listen, Mo’Nique, I’m glad you won your award and I think you were absolutely brilliant in Precious and I’m so happy for you for all your success, but Jesus Christ, woman, did you not shave your legs?

This is Mickey Rourke’s date. Someone shoot her. Or me. I don’t really care which anymore.

Oh, and people won awards at this thing, too. People like Sandra Bullock, who beat out other people like Gabourey Sidibe and Helen Mirren for her mind-blowing performance as Sandra Bullock in A Sandra Bullock Movie. FML. Full list of winners is here. Click at your own risk.

A billion more pics in the gallery below. Enjoy.

I’ve been waiting all week for Saturday Night Live to chip in with some Conan vs. Leno jokes, but sadly, this Larry King Live spoof was pretty much all they had to offer. Seth Meyers did make crack one pretty funny joke during Weekend Update (“This week, you didn’t need Cinemax to see someone get screwed on TV.”), but other than that… yeesh. Maybe Zucker threatened to ice them as well?

Amy Winehouse is orange. I don’t know if she’s channeling Snooki or if she and Lohan are BFF now or if she’s preparing for an upcoming role as an Oompa Loompa or WHAT. It’s been buzzing around that her fiance, good ol’ Blake Fielder-Civil, has been cheating on her. Maybe she got sad and thought she’d spice up her look with a self-tanner and a couple glasses of wine and next thing ya know, she’s lookin’ like the Syracuse mascot. Perhaps Amy’s special glow was the reason why she made a beeline for her car when leaving dinner last night with her goddaughter.

Ever since Brittany Murphy dropped dead at the age of 32 last month, rumors have been swirling that her death was drug related. Her declining weight, career and sanity in the years leading up to her death are typically considered to be signs of drug use, so the connection was undeniable. But Brittany’s mother, whom she was very close with, is speaking out against these rumors. Sharon Murphy told People of her late daughter, “She never even drank. Maybe a glass of champagne at New Years. But everyone used to say she was wasted, she was this, she was that. It was hard for anyone to imagine that somebody was so high on life.”

Sharon believes that her daughter passed away because of a congenital heart murmur. Brittany had been diagnosed and treated for this condition as a teen, but it hadn’t proved to be a life-long problem. Sharon also says that Brittany had a bit of a cold the week leading up to her death, but that no one expected her to actually die.

I understand the desire to defend you dead daughter to the press and to want to world to have overall respectable memories of her, but let’s wait for the toxicology results. A cold? A 15 year old heart murmur that had never shown itself to be a problem? I want to believe Mama Murphy just because I don’t know if I’d be able to take this level of foolish lying if it’s not true, but I’m not sold on her story at all, sadly.