Gary Coleman doesn’t have much luck with the ladies– not because he’s short, but because he likes to punch them. Ladies usually don’t like that.

Back in 1998, he was arrested and charged with assault after punching a woman. In 2007, he was cited for disorderly conduct after getting into a heated public argument with an unidentified female acquaintance. And earlier this year, he and now ex-wife Shannon Price were arrested for disorderly conduct after the two got into a “discussion” that resulted in Price also being charged with domestic assault.

Now, the size 4 shoe’s on the other foot, and Coleman is the one who’s getting pinched for assault of the domestic variety.

Coleman was arrested yesterday in Sanquin, Utah on domestic assault charges.  Bail was set at $1,725, or $100 for every inch of Gary Coleman. You might think that joke is below the belt. But since it’s Gary Coleman’s belt we’re talking about here, it’s actually below the knee. Get it right.

The identity of the victim has not been released, but it very likely could have been his ex-wife, Price.

I’m not sure from whence Coleman’s anger towards the ladies originates, but I have a sneaking suspicion it might stem from deep-seated issues of inadequacy; again, not because of his height– but because of six time Stanley Cup winner Mark Messier’s penis.

See the picture after the jump (if you dare) for an explanation.

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In these outtake photos from her Vs. Magazine photo shoot, Emma looks… sultry. Even if she’s not exactly sure what to do with the lipstick.

I happen to think Emma is absolutely gorgeous, and it’s about time she comes into her own and distances herself from that bushy haired middle schooler, Hermione. But I don’t know about this look.

Hot? Or too much makeup?

Not being a Twilight fan, I was taken aback when items for someone named “Booboo” started popping up on the photo services lately. I was surprised to find that Booboo is neither a drag queen, nor a stripper, nor Jessica Simpson’s new replacement cock-a-poodle.

Booboo– whose real name “Nils” must have been too boring and conventional– is slated to play Seth Clearwater in Twilight: Eclipse. He’s Taylor Lautner mini-sized so the 12 year old girls can continue to have someone for whom to pine without making everyone feel a little uncomfortable once Lautner becomes legal. He’s making the mall rounds, and stopped off at the Metrotown mall in Vancouver this weekend to greet fans and sign autographs.

He seems like a nice enough kid. I don’t know what the hell my problem is. Oh right, it’s because he’s named after a baby’s pacifier; a 5 year old’s skinned knee; a psychotic circus clown; a gorilla that knows sign language.

I wanted to try to find some sort of explanation for the name, so I visited his personal website, Booboo Stewart Online. There, I found the following sentence:

“Yesterday, Booboo and his sister Fivel attended the “The Spy Next Door” movie premiere!”

… Booboo and his sister, Fivel. Well, there’s your explanation right there.

With the season finale of Jersey Shore garnering 4.8 million viewers (MTV’s highest rated show ever) the bags of breast implants and tanning oil known as its cast have enough bargaining power that they’ve rejected MTv’s initial salary offer of $5,000 an episode for the second season. MTV has reportedly capitulated and issued a second offer of $10,000 an episode (and a $10,000 signing bonus) but the cast has not yet accepted the offer.

The cast is under a contractual obligation to provide MTV with a second season, so they don’t really have the right to negotiate, but they’ve never been ones to let nasty little things like laws get in their way.

The show’s ridiculously high ratings give them a pretty big stick to hit MTV execs over the head with. But there are also (unfortunately) thousands of other Jersey juice heads aspiring to the poof crown and MTV wouldn’t have a hard time replacing them.

Personally, I’d have no problem with a completely new cast, if only so I can eventually use the word “situation” again without throwing up in my mouth a little every time I say it.

I should have WordPress set to automatically post a generic “Brad and Angelina have not split up” article every 2 months. That seems to be the  shelf life the media has decided upon for their relationship. Every two months or so, like clockwork, they are rumored to be splitting up.

Mark it down on your iCal right now: on March 24th, Brad and Angelina will “split up” again.

I’m a little disappointed in the discretionary powers of the internet (as usual) considering that this time, the rumor was started by News of the World. News of the World is like the slutty cokehead in your high school gym class who slept with the football team in a misguided attempt to improve her self worth. When she tells you her parents bought her a Bugatti for her 16th birthday, but no one’s ever seen it because she just doesn’t like to drive in morning traffic, you shouldn’t believe her.

This time, News of the World alleged that the pair had met with a “high-powered attorney” (who they wouldn’t name) to iron out an agreement for the breakup that saw the couple retaining joint custody of their troop of Captain Planeteers and equally splitting their $300 Million fortune.

Every two months, rags like News of the World get bored and make up rumors like this one to get people who wouldn’t normally read their stories about half-man-half-bat boy to pay attention to their flotsam.

But you shouldn’t believe them.  Like I said, the cokehead does not have a Bugatti.

Dakota Fanning is 16, but she looks like she’s 12, and I’m okay with that. Because she is absolutely adorable. Look at her in her little Bowie shirt! Dawwwww…..

She saw a few flicks this weekend at the Sundance Film Festival, meeting up with Kristen Stewart for one of them. Then I stole her and put her in my pocket so I could carry her around with me like a teddy bear.

Did that just cross the line into creepy?

Oh well, I’m sure that happens a lot with her.