This is really, really devastating and I’m not quite sure how to put this so I’m going to spit it out and hopefully we can talk about it after if you’re not too upset: Brody Jenner and Jayde Nicole broke up. I know! I know! It’s OK! Calm down! The holidays are a tough time for everyone, maybe it could just be a break! Who knows? I know I never saw the perfection that is this couple parting ways, so maybe there’s a chance we’ll get a Christmas miracle and they’ll reconcile.

Seriously though: I guess these two morons broke up a couple weeks ago and have been keeping their split on the DL. The two were dating for about a year (it seems like so much longer than that since we first saw that pretty, evil little face yelling at Audrina on The Hills for allegedly hooking up with her man, right?) and broke up around December 11th when Brody returned from a trip to Australia. The reasons for the break-up were unclear, but the two fought constantly and had quite a bit of drama this summer with the whole Joe Francis incident.

One endearingly stupid thing though? Jayde Tweeted on December 18th, “Sometimes when you truly love someone you have to let them go…I never really understood that quote until now.” LOL @ Jayde Nicole not understanding the quote she paraphrased “until now”. Man, I have the potential to miss that idiot, I think.

Russell Brand was looking a lot more bundled up than we’re used to seeing him these days when he and his girlfriend Katy Perry left his Hampstead home. There’s a couple things to say here: 1) Thank God that man is finally in a climate where he can’t be comfortable dressed like a Girl Next Door 2) Is it just me or is this couple going a little 2 Fast 2 Furious? They’ve been dating for like, four months or something and they’re constantly photographed together. Russell’s even said he’d consider having kids with Katy. Are these two in it to win it, or am I a cynical jerk for thinking that this whole relationship seems seriously rushed?

Image from Us Weekly

Carrie Underwood went out to the Ottawa Senators hockey game last night to support her now-fiance Mike Fisher. I don’t know if I missed an engagement announcement, but that rock on her left hand speaks for itself. Homegirl’s getting married.

Her man confirmed engagement to the press after the game saying that he was thrilled to settle down with his gal, but he has no idea when the wedding will take place. His website has since been updated to say that he hopes the two will marry at some point during the summer. One thing that’s too cute not to mention? Mike’s teammate, Winger Chris Neil said of the engagement, “It’s great. It’s a long time coming. There’s going to be a lot of broken hearts here in Ottawa with all those girls that are in love with Mikey.” Ditto for Carrie, but I think it’s great that his teammates seem to like her so much.

Now how about that rock, huh?

This year has been relatively slow in terms of major Britney gossip (R.I.P 2007-2008 Manic Britney. You gave us so many good stories, girl.) but the pop star is still not satisfied with the press she’s been getting. So, in an effort to fight back, Britney has launched a new section of her website called “BS Alert“, which basically is a forum to give her side of any news story that comes out about her. I’m not sure if I believe what she has to say much more than I believe gossip rags, but whatever. Let her have her little rumors blog.

The first entry up in the BS Alert is a year-end wrap up of some of Britney’s favorite bogus news stories about her, and I have to say: I am disappointed. They’re all boring. The number one story she selected is some crap from the UK Mirror, which always reads like the worst supermarket tabloid ever to me, and it’s about her marrying some Bollywood actor. That’s the number one item that was so fake it made Britney laugh? She’s been married twice and is rumored to be engaged again. How is that rumor laughable? It seems like the most believable thing on there. One item I was happy to see on the list? “Britney thinks her dad is drugging her” from a website called BreatheHeavy.com. See, that’s the stuff that we want to hear you elaborate on, Britney!

You know, I want to defend Amy Winehouse, but I don’t think I can. I loved her last album so much and have avoided being overly harsh while she’s been acting like a strung out lunatic for the past two years, but this chick just doesn’t have her act together. What’d she do this time? She went to a production of Cinderella in Buckinghamshire, England on Saturday night, and then proceeded to scream obscenities at the actors during the performance, including Mickey Rourke. (Yeah, I don’t know why Mickey Rourke is doing theater in England, either.)

But then get this: When Amy was confronted by theater staff because they wanted to move her to a private box where she could more harmlessly yell at the performers, she decided to start throwing punches. Disturbing the peace, assault… you know, just typical theater manners.

Worse than Amy’s behavior is that, although this story has been reported, she hasn’t been questioned by police and the theater isn’t pressing charges. Basically, Amy has gotten away with terrible behavior once again. I don’t think she’d learn a whole lot if she was penalized, but they should at least start draining her bank account so that she can’t afford to act like a jackass anymore.

How much do you think these crazy assholes charge for appearance fees?

It’s not the same for all of them, I’ll tell you that. But it might not be what you expect.

Summon up some reasonable estimates in your head, and then find the real answer after the jump.

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