I thought about writing a story bringing you all up-to-date on the Charlie Sheen domestic violence business, but, ya know, I’m already over it. Here’s the summary: They’re both drunks and he’s still a jackass. More here if you care.

Instead, I’m going to write about this Ke$ha chick. I hadn’t heard her first single, “Tik Tok,” at all until I came out to Scottsdale in the beginning of December. But they play it, like, every other song on the stations out here, and I know that should annoy me, but instead my love for it grows deeper with every play. Her full album comes out in January, but you can listen to most of her other tracks on YouTube. I don’t know much about her, and I think it’s unbelievably declasse to spell your name with a fucking dollar sign, and she’s terribly unnatural on camera, and this is one of the worst music videos I’ve ever had the displeasure of watching, but I’m really into her music. Wikipedia told me she’s been working with Max Martin, who produced a lot of Britney Spears songs, so maybe that’s why I love it so much. But I just wanted to share my love for this song and let you all tell me what terrible taste I have in music.

Look how cute Drew Barrymore is in her Hipster Costume at the Los Feliz flea market in LA yesterday! I actually love this girl and I can’t poke fun at her for dressing like this (mainly because I think I’m wearing those exact jeans right now and me and my asshole friends go to that flea market, too.), and I especially like the whole “Taylor from Rachel Zoe Project”-thing she’s doing with her hair here. It’s a also a little reminiscent of Alabama from True Romance, especially with her choice of shades (RayBan’s and Elvis glasses!) Drew Barrymore’s look is always changing, but this style definitely suits her.

Eva Longoria and her husband Tony Parker decided to give back big to their fans this year the old fashioned way: A straight-to-YouTube video of them reenacting the “Summer Nights” scene in Grease. It was made  to spark interest in a contest Tony is running on his site for fans. He wants people to submit their own videos that top his and Eva’s and the best will win tickets to one of his games. I’m thinking you all have a pretty good chance of winning if all you need to do is top this crap.

If I were to summarize this video in one word, that word would be “yeesh”. It’s pretty tragic. I found it to be extremely awkward to watch, what with the strange extras and Eva’s too-yellow wig and the lip syncing… I was kind of embarrassed for them. I’m sure, however, that there is a market for this. So enjoy it if you’re that kind of person or get ready to watch with one eye if you’re more like me.

Michael Lohan doesn’t have a problem, OK? It’s not him, it’s all the drug-riddled crazies in his life. Him and his sheer muscle shirts and Jesus talk and paparazzi-calling ways are just fine… or so he’d have you believe, anyway.

In case you missed it, Michael Lohan was in the news last week because his ex-girlfriend Erin Muller put a call in to the police claiming that Michael had “started harassing me, questioning me who I have ‘been with, who’s car was currently in my drive way,’ things like that.” Sounds like pretty typical psycho ex-lover crap to me, but of course we’re talking about Michael Lohan (I love referring to him by his full name, can you tell?), so Erin is legitimately fearing for her life. She told the police that she was certain that he was capable of causing physical harm to her or her family.

Like the true example of a good father and real man that he is, Michael has now responded to Erin’s claims publicly and it looks like he’s fallen back on one of his old favorites: He’s calling her a druggie.

From TMZ:

Michael Lohan tried getting his ex-fiancee arrested, claiming — just like he did with daughter Lindsay Lohan — his primary concern is getting the people he loves off drugs.

TMZ has obtained a police report filed by Michael on December 21. Lohan says, “My ex-fiance, Erin Muller, threatened me with a knife during an argument several months ago and I wish to pursue charges.”

Lohan then goes on to say … “I did not report this at the time because I wanted her to get help for her addictions.”

Brave Michael Lohan! At the hands of yet another addict! I can hardly believe it! This poor man has faced so much adversity in his life, can’t he just catch a break and finally meet some normal people to surround himself with? Jeez Louise! People are going to start thinking there’s something wrong with this guy because he attracts so many toxic personalities!

“You can not compare Britney with Lady GaGa. Why? You are putting Lady Gaga at the same level of Britney Spears?  I really cannot believe it. Lady GaGa is good, but she’s a new artist, Britney Spears is a legend. They are two different artists, two forms of entertainment but very different, is like comparing Picasso to Dali.”

- Lily Allen says what we all should be thinking in a recent interview with Harper’s Bazaar.

As if I needed another reason to sing Lily Allen’s praise and dog on Lady Gaga, but when you bring in the fact that we’re talking about the legendary Miss Britney Spears and Dali, too?! Pssh. Forget it. Not only is this quotable, but I’m having it tattooed on my lower back.

I have to hand it to Tyra Banks: She’s a pretty damn good business woman. Or, you know, she has a really good team of people behind her that are invested in her making lots and lots of money. Either way, between her America’s Next Top Model franchise and her talk show, she’s earned herself the spot of one of television’s highest earning women and that’s noteworthy. However, as someone with her eye on the prize, she knows that she can’t keep making money off of telling people to kiss her “fat ass” and showing her audience what she looks like without her weave. Nope, now she’s moving on to conquer the world of film. It was announced today that the fifth season of her talk show will be her final and she’ll be concentrating her efforts on producing movies.

Her company, Bankable Productions, wants to focus on bringing positive images of women to the big screen, which isn’t something I’m going to complain about. It seems like Tyra’s following the Oprah Plan to a T. One thing, though? If Tyra’s going to dedicate her career to empowering women through media, do you think maybe ANTM can scale back on the catty girl drama? I would truly buy Tyra’s whole “girl power” bit if she didn’t also produce and star on a show that’s an adult beauty pageant where mean girl behavior was so prevalent.