Adam Lambert went on Ellen today to discuss the now-famous crotch-to-face action in his performance at the American Music Awards and boy did he backpedal.

First, Ellen’s show was probably the best choice for him to go on to publicly discuss his performance because she’s known for being nice to celebrities, is clearly as gay-friendly as it gets, and I think she’d generally support him to stand by his actions so that everyone can stop acting so shocked that two men lamely acted out a blow job on stage.

This is no Janet Jackson boob-flash incident. There was no skin shown. People are just freaking out about the whole thing because Adam Lambert is gay as a rainbow and he was on American Idol. If Miley Cyrus can pole dance without having to explain herself publicly and in such a humbled manner, then why is Adam Lambert sounding so regretful?

I can’t stop giggling about this. Ready? OK. So, Nick Jonas is temporarily breaking off from his brothers to do a solo album/tour. And when they’re on that tour the band is going to go by the name “The Administraton”. So Nick Jonas is going on a “Nick Jonas and The Administration” solo tour. That’s funny, right? I’m not crazy am I?

Also, check the name of his solo album in the photo above. “Who I Am”. Oh man, that’s rich, right? You know who you are Nick? Are you confident in your being and now you’re ready to step out of the band with your brothers and just “do you”? That’s fucking awesome. Please let me know how you figured that out. I’d pay the price of a concert ticket to find out the answers to my life’s questions, and this kid apparently has it all figured out. I should just be listening to more Nick Jonas. Solo. With the the Bros he’s not himself.

Britney’s Circus tour is totally over and she stepped off the plane looking haggard. And I love it. That’s how someone’s supposed to look after being on like, a 24 hour flight. The only thing I want to say that’s maybe too critical on her looks is that she really needs to figure out that head of hair. I mean, she’s Britney Spears and her hair used to be amazing. Now it never looks like trash. Never. She would benefit from a wig from Kim Zolciak’s line. Human hair, of course.

Image from poptower.com

Who watched Tool Academy? I didn’t, but I’m sure a lot of you did. Wait, that’s a lie. I saw one episode and I thought it was really funny in a sad way. Nevermind. Anyway, I don’t remember this woman but her name is Jamie, she’s a cocktail waitress and LA and she’s the latest woman to step out saying that she had an affair with Tiger Woods that started in April of 2007.

Jamie talked to Us Weekly (I wonder what the going rate for dishing about your celebrity affair is these days, by the way…) and told them that her proof was over 300 texts (damn, hope they have the unlimited plan) and photos. Depending on the nature of these texts and photos, I’d say Tiger’s pretty much screwed. I don’t even get it, man. His wife is a mondo babe. Some people just can’t get enough, you guys.

Jamie claims that she and Tiger had sex over twenty times, which makes me a little sad. Once is an affair, but a mild one. Maybe forgivable. Twenty times is like a mini-relationship. That’s really bad news.

Sunday night, as Katie Holmes attended the Dizzy Feet Foundation charity event, she finally answered the question that all of America has been asking:  Why does three-year-old Suri wear high heels?  Katie explained that Suri loves her mother’s high heels, so Holmes researched and found ballroom dancing shoes for toddlers.

I guess this is supposed to put everyone’s concerns at rest.  If they are ballroom dancing shoes, I reckon that means that they aren’t damaging to little, developing feet?  They cost about a hundred bucks a pair so that must mean that they are more acceptable.

Personally, it’s still a preschooler in high heels which just doesn’t look to me, but that’s not my call.  As long as Tom and Katie have money socked away for a therapist who can explain to Suri why being allowed to wear whatever she wants despite climate or age appropriateness isn’t necessarily the best parenting strategy, who am I to judge?

Nicole Richie has announced that she’s signed a deal with ABC to star in and produce a 30-minute comedy series.  Nicole, once mostly famous for her Hollywood connections, has more recently made a name for herself with her House of Harlow 1960 accessories line.  She also authored a book which was to be made into a television series and now, she’s adding acting –beyond the occasional guest appearance — to her repertoire.

The show is being written by 30 Rock‘s Daisy Gardner — anything 30 Rock-related shows promise — and features a plot that, in the words of Nicole, “revolves around a young, modern and professional woman who must balance her business and family relationships. She must deal with, and navigate the many ideas of what a woman’s role is: modern vs. traditional.”  I gave my husband Cheerios for dinner last night — What?  He got a holiday dinner just four days prior! — so this show sounds right up my alley.

The pilot should be filmed in the spring, and provided ABC likes what they see, this new program could be part of the fall 2010 lineup.