Bonafide ganked bitch and terrible person Tila Tequila was running her fame-hungry mouth about Rihanna on her blog last night. I guess Rihanna went on some radio show to plug her new album and wound up having to further explain her Chris Brown/assault experience, which lead to the DJs asking about Tila’s attacks on Chris which lead to Rihanna dissing Tila as politely as possible in an attempt to just get that topic over with. We’re all caught up, right?

Tila caught wind of Rihanna’s comments via her Google Alerts and then decided that the only revenge for Rihanna not being supportive of her as a woman (fuck you, Tila Tequila), would be to discuss the star’s private medical issues that she heard about second hand from a person in the singer’s camp. The “outing” went as follows:

My sources are very legit, and they work in Rihanna’s legal camp, and that is how I know! SO RIHANNA HAS HERPES, STD’S & WAS SCARED TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT IT CUZ SHE DIDN’T WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT SHE HAS HERPES AND INFECTED SOMEONE ELSE WITH IT! BAD RIHANNA! So while you cascade around town, acting like yo shit don’t stink, and leading the media and your fans into thinking that you are a strong woman, and idol, well….it’s a shame you had to trick them into thinking you are, because truth is, you’re ruining other people’s lives, infecting people with your STD’s, and walking around getting praised and loving the sympathy, when really, in real life you are just a major bitch who could give 2 shits about your fans and all the people who have been supporting you! Including myself! You dont even acknowledge your fans, you know, the people who got you famous??? Yes….those people. THE FANS! The ones that I, myself, acknowledge 247 all the time because if it weren’t for my fans, I would not be here today! I love my fans, I don’t lie to my fans to make them like me more, and everyone knows it. I have my flaws, but I put it out there, and I let my fans decide on whether they agree with the things I do or not. Im real, and I don’t care what anyone has to say about me. All I do is mind my own business, and play with my fans. But since you’re still cascading around town like you’re a prefect little princess, angel…..honey I hate to burst your bubbles…..but yes….yo shit really do stink, and even worse…..yo shit has STD’s, known as HERPES, down in your private area. So…..that’s about it. Sorry I had to tell the world your DIRTY SECRET, but you left me no choice girlfriend. I knew about your secret for A VERY LONG TIME, but I never told anyone because that was not my business……but since you wanna play dirty with me……oh….you best believe I will give it to you good girlfriend! POW! Rihanna has STD’s and Herpes everyone! & that is the truth from my legit source that has told me. YIKES! So boys, be careful when u wanna tap that ass, cuz that ass will give your dick Herpes if you dont put 3 condoms over it!

EWWW!

THE END!

Sincerely,

Ms. Tila-You-Don’t-Fuck-With-Me-Tequila

PS-yes, I understand you have a MASSIVELY powerful team behind you such as JAY-Z and all those guys so you feel safe & keep cascading around town knowing that everything wrong you do, will be covered up. I give u props for having such a great PR FIRM. U see? This sucks that I had to call you out cuz now Jay-Z, Kanye, Beyonce or whoever else is on your team is gonna hate me, and that sucks cuz I LOVEEEEE Jay-Z and Beyonce! They are my heros! But I am willing to sacrifice them hating me now because of what you did. I need to be honest and stay true to who I am, and stay real with my fans. I wish you the best in your next album release. I know I will be buying it.

Well, not only is Tila probably the worst woman I can think of to run around telling other women that they are being bad women, but to tell the world she has herpes?

Disclosing anyone’s private medical information should be a crime. Wether it’s physical, mental, emotional, genital or otherwise. If Rihanna wants to go Shirley Manson on us and tell us all about her herpes, then that’s her choice and I would support her. Secondly, I do not have herpes, but I know that 60% of the adult population does . I’ve actually heard higher percentages, closer to 70 or 80, but we’ll go with 60 for argument’s sake. Not to downplay the severity of STDs and our need to prevent them, but putting someone on blast for having a condition that will eventually become the societal norm? That’s gross. That’s like making fun of babies for getting chicken pox.

And BTW, Tila? When do we get to see the results of your pap smear?

“I’ve learned so much from the kids in my life, and somehow they just become the center of your life and the way you look at things. Obviously I exist in my girlfriend’s world and my sister’s world in a different way, but it’s opened my heart and I feel much more grown up and want to be grown up as a result of it.”

– Jake Gyllenhaal talks about his relationship with his sister Maggie and his girlfriend Reese’s kids.

Oh my God! You guys! He totally called Reese his girlfriend in public! Swoonsies! I’m dying. Totally dying. I can’t even deal. Someone slap me.

I wonder if his boyfriend’s jealous…

Well, I have a feeling it’s going to be “one of those days”. Just being upfront about it. It’s a slow news day so far and I didn’t even get an hour’s sleep last night because there was some crazy fight going on in the apartment next door and then they started doing construction on my street at roughly six AM. I look like I’ve been up all night smoking crack and trust me, I wish that was the truth because at least I’d have an excuse for reporting on Julia Roberts becoming the new Lancôme spokesperson. Oh, look. There are two names I haven’t heard in about six years. Julia Roberts and Lancôme. I think that was the make up my aunts used in the 90s.

From People Magazine:

When it comes to gorgeous, you can’t get better than the original “Pretty Woman.” Lancôme has just announced that Julia Roberts will be their global ambassadress. “By her remarkable personality and career, Julia Roberts is an emblematic woman of her time,” said Youcef Nabi, president of Lancôme International, in a statement. “Her exceptional talent, her radiance and her strong commitments perfectly echo Lancôme’s values. We are convinced she will embody the brand in the most sublime way possible.” The beauty brand remains quiet about additional specifics of her role, but check back for more as details roll in.

Global ambassadress? That’s the most highfalutin job title I’ve ever heard in my life. “Emblematic woman of her time”? Who the hell are they talking about? Joan of Arc or Julia Roberts selling moderately-to-high priced foundations to aging housewives who can still manage to afford that shit in this current economic climate?

Ugh, at least she’s not being a total hypocrite and going with an eco-friendly line that aligns with her pre-established title of Mother Nature. Or something.

Chris Colfer, Glee‘s Boss Bitch, was on Chelsea Lately last night discussing all things “new celebrity” and he was absolutely adorable. Of course one major topic of conversation is that Chris is an openly gay 19 year old actor, which, according to both him and Chelsea, is a lot less novel than you’d think. After Chelsea spent a moment awkwardly comforting Chris on his decision to be out by applauding his courage, Chris says, “You know what my answer was to that question prior to coming out was? I was as straight as every other actor in Hollywood.” ZING! And then Chelsea was all, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve never seen Valkyrie.”

Chris also talks about his Glee audition, dealing with paparazzi and his small hometown roots. Oh! And some LA County public school is harassing him about his daughter skipping class.

Drew rocks a bead-dastic shimmer dress at the Tribeca Film Institute’s benefit screening of Everybody’s Fine on Thursday night. I can’t decide if I’m really impressed by this dress or really appalled by it. I keep thinking about how heavy it must be, and also how sore someone’s fingers got sewing on all those little beads. Then I think how much a dress like this must cost, and then I think about the dry-cleaning bill, and then I have to take a Xanax and crawl into bed. Honestly I just buy nothing that says “Dry Clean Only” on it, ever, because if I even have to take a shirt in to be pressed, I have a tiny panic attack. I don’t know why. There’s a dry cleaners in my building. And, like, I’m the kind of girl who will happily pay $4 for an herbal tea at Starbucks and think nothing of it, but oh my God you want how much to get that stain out of my dress? I get nauseous and I have to sit down. I could never wear a dress like this and enjoy myself.

This is a completely fascinating list. It’s the most-watched single episodes of television in the past decade. Are you guys ready???

1. “Friends” — Series finale
Airdate: May 6, 2004
Viewers: 52.5 million

2. Survivor: Borneo” — First season finale
Airdate: Aug. 23, 2000
Viewers: 51.7 million

3. “Joe Millionaire” — First season finale
Airdate: Feb. 17, 2003
Viewers: 40 million

4. “ER” — Lucy and John Carter fight for their lives after being attacked by a schizophrenic patient
Airdate: Feb. 17, 2000
Viewers: 39.4 million

5. “American Idol” — Season 6 premiere
Airdate: Jan. 16, 2007
Viewers: 38.1 million

6. “Grey’s Anatomy” — Post-Super Bowl episode
Airdate: Feb. 5, 2006
Viewers: 38 million

7. “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” — Random, Regis-tastic episode
Airdate: May 3, 2000
Viewers: 36 million

8. “Frasier” — Season 7 premiere; Frasier tells Daphne he loves her
Airdate: May 18, 2000
Viewers: 33.7 million

9. “Everybody Loves Raymond” — Series finale
Airdate: May 16, 2005
Viewers: 32.9 million

10. “Spin City” — Final episode with Michael J. Fox (Charlie Sheen took over for two more seasons)
Airdate: May 24, 2000
Viewers: 32.8 million

What do you think? Is it what you would have expected??? And what the hell happened to Joe Millionaire (aka Evan Marriott) anyway? Googling him is a fruitless effort, and EvanMarriott.com is a blank page. I MUST KNOW!!!