After careful examination of the Miley Cyrus bikini pics Molls posted a few days ago (perhaps a little too careful) many of you spotted what appears to be a tattoo hiding in the boob shadow under Miley’s left tit. The tattoo reads “just breathe,” which might sound familiar because LaLohan has a similar tattoo on her wrist (that reads “breathe”). Miley went for the more punny location, getting it stamped on her ribcage. I can only imagine how much that hurt.

I don’t have any tats because the idea of a 40 year old me with a lot of ink is disturbing. But in that regard, Miley’s really chosen the perfect location: thanks to gravity, by the time she’s 30 that spot under her left tit will be completely hidden.

A source tells the NY Post that 16 year old Patrick Schwarzenegger has been dating 15 year old Tallulah Belle Willis since around Halloween. A rep for Bruce Willis denies it, but I’m going to take this ball and run with it (with both eyes closed) because that would be such an insane coupling. If she happens to get knocked up, the genetics of that baby would be “strong like Austrian ox”:  90% chin, 9% teeth, and 1% roundhouse kicks. It’ll probably punch  its way right out of her uterus. I hope they name it  after the last name of the mom’s family, like they always do on soap operas: I can’t wait to meet little Willis Moore Schwarzenegger-Shriver.

A Chinese news agency decided to animate their theory of what happened at Tiger Woods’ house that night, Sims 3 style.

First of all, I’d like to apologize to Maya Rudolph for not being able to find a better photo of her. I feel badly about that. This is exciting news.

Remember how Maya Rudolph seemed like she was pregnant for all of last year? Well, turns out she had the baby just about a month ago and the couple (Maya’s hubby is director Paul Thomas Anderson), has just announced that not only is she the proud mother of her second healthy baby, but that it’s a little girl name Lucille.

I love how all these SNL-alums are naming their babies awesome old school names. Amy Poehler has Archie, Tina Fey has Alice. Not Rachel Dratch has to push out a Gerdie and we’ve got a full set.

Just like the rest of us, when it comes time to celebrate the holidays, all Paris Hilton wants to do is find a cheap-looking Slutty Santa costume to prance around in. Last night she launched her new fragrance, Siren, at the Glendale Galleria (if only I could possibly explain to people outside of LA how funny that mall is without sounding racist/classist/ignorant. It’s impossible. Trust me, I’ve sat here for twenty minutes trying to piece together the words and I don’t know if it can be done) and she was showing her holiday spirit full-on. Is it just me or is a woman in her mid-to-late 20s posing for the camera with her mouth open in a Sexy Santa costume just about the last thing you thing you find attractive?

Ed and I were clearly on a little drug called “single parent children with a chronic need for attention” last night when we made this week’s Friday Fun video for you all. Not only were we covering the entire week’s worth of news (more or less), but I also was feeling a little parched in the face and Ed had some things he had to get off his chest in relation to feeling like a Large Marge at times.

Let me just beat you to it, commenters. “It puts the lotion on its skin.” There. Is that what you were thinking? That’s what I was thinking.