Russell Brand started the week out in pink socks, moved quickly on to short shorts and now he’s wearing my sixth grade BFF’s favorite tank top. I have to stop looking at photos of Russell Brand. I’m 100% positive that he’s just fucking with us now and I won’t be played like that! You hear me Russell? I don’t care if you kiss your famous girlfriend good-bye dressed like a teenage girl and then go hang out with your motorcyclist friend. I don’t care a lot, anyway. I care a little bit.

Last night Jessica Simpson Tweeted the above photo with the caption, “ Sizzlin’ w my peeps, pretty boy KP (@kenpaves), lil’ cholita (Mary Phillips)…look out Yo!!”. Look out yo, indeed. It turns out that things were so “sizzlin’” that Jessica’s make up artist/lil’ cholita, Mary Phillips would up in the slammer for public drunkenness and disturbing the peace.

Now, do y’all have any idea how difficult it is to be arrested for those things when you’ve been drinking with a celebrity at a hotel bar? Being with the celebrity is a pass to get away with most bad behaviors, but then to “disturb the peace”? What peace?! This is LA. It’s never, ever quiet. There’s this one guy who walks down my street at about 3 AM and screams racial slurs at the top of his lungs for blocks and he’s never been taken in. What the hell did this Mary Phillips chick do?!

Part of me has to wonder if maybe she’s allergic to alcohol or is in some other way intolerant to the sauce, because at 8:30 this morning when Jessica went to bail her out, she was still too drunk to be released. Can you imagine!? Your friend Jessica Simpson comes to bail you out of jail and the police are like, “Sorry, Jessica Simpson. Six hours later your friend is still too trashed for us to let her out.” Embarrassing!

“Don’t kid yourself. When I’m driving to get school supplies with the kids or try on shoes . . . it always crosses my mind that I should be in the passenger seat and Jon should be driving. Every single time.”

-Kate Gosselin on the struggle of being a single mother. This quote was taken from the final episode of their show Jon and Kate Plus 8 and dug up by US Weekly in light of the Gosselin’s divorce being finalized today.

from People.com

I’ve never really been in to the whole “celebrity perfume” thing. I’ve been wearing Burberry London since I was fifteen years old, and the idea of smelling like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton never compelled me enough to make me switch. I figured that it wasn’t even really possible to market a celebrity perfume to me. I’m too old to care about Hilary Duff and maybe just a bit too young to want to wear something made by Celine Dion… but Beyonce? Ohhhhh, girl! GIRL! That is a HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR. I want to smell like Beyonce for days! And now it’s possible because her first fragrance ever, Heat, is coming out right before the holidays! Ahhhh! I hope Santa’s reading!

From People.com:

“Everything, from the bottle design to the name and the ideas for the commercials–that’s me. When I commit to something, I do it 100 percent,” she said. Beyoncé Heat, with top notes of red vanilla orchid, magnolia, neroli and blush peach, will include eaux de parfum in three sizes, as well as a sparkling body lotion, priced between $39-$59. Look for it in department and specialty stores, like Macy’s.

Mmmm. That sounds like something I could get behind, but $59 dollars?! What!? In THIS economy!? Damn. If that’s the price of smelling like greatness, then I guess I’m going to have to just cut back on my electricity use and food intake this month. I’ll make sacrifices to smell like a diva.

Any celebrity perfume wearers out there? I know you’re out there. 50 million bottles of Britney’s Curious sold can’t be wrong.

2009 was a particularly annoying year in terms of celebrities. And well, most things. But celebrities for sure. Today the SCTimes.com printed their list of the 10 most annoying celebrities of 2009 and I couldn’t agree more with their picks:

1. Jon Gosselin — This guy is so annoying that he made his wife Kate seem less annoying than usual this year. Once the couple split, which you may have heard about in the media, he made one annoying move after another. His wife, on the other hand, took the high road, assuming you believe that the “high road” is granting a series of TV interviews in which you whine about your money problems.

2. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt — This couple actually walked around in 2009 with their own video camera, hoping to sell the footage to a cable network for a reality show. These self-serving people set out to annoy the world, and they succeeded.

3. The Kardashians — Frankly, I initially couldn’t decide among sisters Kim, Kourtney or Khloe, or even their mother Kris. This reality-show family lifted annoyance to an art form. Kourtney had a baby this year, and Khloe married Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom, so we’re giving them a partial pass. Although Kris raised these three annoying young women, I’ve got to give the most annoying award to Kim. But, in the interest of fairness, let’s just call them all annoying.

4. Perez Hilton — For those of you who do not track the world of celebrity blogging, you probably assume I’m talking about someone related to Paris Hilton. This guy is not related to anyone named Hilton. His real name is Mario Armando Lavandeira, and he took the heiress’s name because he worships her. How annoying is that? Anyway, this guy has become a celebrity in his own right by mocking other celebrities on his blog. The most annoying (and despicable) thing he did in 2009 was reporting the death of former “Charlie’s Angels” actress Jaclyn Smith and, when she announced that she was very much alive, this bottom-feeder didn’t have the courtesy or class to apologize.

5. Kanye West — I’ve got news for you; even if he didn’t do that obnoxious thing to Taylor Swift on that awards show, he still would have made this list. I grind my teeth whenever this guy opens his mouth.

6. Levi Johnston — The father of Sarah Palin’s grandchild decided he wanted to be an annoying jerk when he grows up. On one TV show, he was joined on a panel by Jon Gosselin. It takes one to know one.

7. Nadya Suleman — You might know her better as “The Octomom.” I use the word “celebrity” loosely in discussing her, but I had no plans to write a list of the “Most annoying mother of 14 children,” so I had to include her here. I don’t really have to explain why she is annoying, do I?

8. Joe Jackson — The father of the late pop singer Michael Jackson transcends annoying, particularly when he seemed to be trying to benefit financially from his son’s death. He hardly belongs in what is supposed to be a lighthearted column, but his face annoys me, so how could I keep him off this list?

9. Miley Cyrus — Is she old enough to retire yet? I am so sick and tired of her and her father. She grates on me, and I thought I’d never get rid of her, but if she keeps pulling stunts like that little dance on the stripper pole at the Teen Choice Awards, I won’t have to put up with the Cyrus family much longer. Once Miley slips out of public favor, her father will soon follow.

10. Kara DioGuardi — It wasn’t her fault that the people behind the TV show “American Idol” decided to expand the judge’s table to four. The singer-songwriter probably was doomed to failure before she started because viewers didn’t like the change, but she certainly made the worst of a bad situation. Was it just me, or did she start to annoy from day one? She seemed awkward, and the more she tried to ingratiate herself with the audience, the more awkward it got. The producers tried to convince us of her musical credentials, but nobody was buying the sales job. When she wrote a lame song for the competition, she was exposed.

While I’d probably cut the Kardashians from the list (I can’t hate them. They are so harmless and dumb to me and that Khloe makes me laugh) and move Miley up a few notches, I think this is more or less a great list. However, there are plenty of other celebrities out there who grated on our last nerve this year. Tila Tequila, Mischa Barton and Lady Gaga are three people I could deal with hearing less about.

Who’s your pick for the most annoying celebrity of 2009?

I guess technically I don’t know if he’s “crazed” like the headline reads, but the man who was charged for stalking Jennifer Garner is definitely creepy looking. And stalking generally isn’t sane behavior, so I would think that it’s fair to call him crazed. I don’t want to get sued or something. He’s probably a fine guy who just happens to loiter outside of the elementary school that his favorite celebrity’s child attends. Whatever, no judgement.

From TMZ:

The L.A. District Attorney has charged Steven Burky with two counts of felony stalking and two misdemeanor counts of disobeying a court order — for allegedly breaking a restraining order the couple filed against him last year.

Garner has claimed in court documents that Burky has been stalking her since 2002. She was granted the restraining order last year after Burky sent her “packages and letters containing delusional and paranoid thoughts.”

Now, if convicted on stalking charges, Burky — who’s currently in police custody — could face up to four years in prison.

Four years seems like an awfully short period of time to spend in prison for breaking a restraining order and potentially putting the life of a child (a beautiful celebrity child, right guys!?!) in danger. Let’s hope this whackjob gets some heeee-eeelllllp.