WARNING: If you play the above video, you may immediately experience feelings of nausea, dizziness and nostalgia for the one time you had a tooth drilled to this song.
All these decade-end wrap ups are coming our way, and man are they depressing. You won’t even believe some of the crap the last decade has pumped out. Upon reading and then re-reading Billboard Magazine’s Top One Hit Wonders of the 2000s-list to be sure that I read correctly the first time, I realize now why the majority of my iPod is filled with 90s jams and the few bands that have made it past the one-or-two hit wonder mark this decade. Check out this list (videos here) and try not to start crying for humanity at your desk:
1. Daniel Powter
Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” was used as the kiss-off song for the 5th season of “American Idol,” which gave the song enough juice to become the biggest single of 2006. The song went to No. 1 in April and stayed at the top for five weeks. But Powter’s good fortune didn’t last long; he hasn’t visited the Hot 100 since.
2. Terror Squad
Terror Squad, the hip-hop collective led by Fat Joe, tore up the charts in August 2004 with “Lean Back,” giving the world a new dance craze in the process. The Squad fell back hard after that, only reaching as high as No. 62 with a subsequent single: “Take Me Home,” at the end of 2004.
3. Crazy Town
L.A. rap-rockers Crazy Town flew to the top of the charts with the Red Hot Chili Peppers infused track “Butterfly” in March 2001, and hovered there for two weeks. The band’s wings were clipped after reaching that peak; they never saw the Hot 100 again
THIS IS WHY I’M HOT
MIMS told the world “This Is Why I’m Hot,” and sizzled at the no. 1 spot for two weeks in March 2007. The Jamaican rapper’s next single, July 2007′s “Like This,” only went as high as No. 32. Not quite as hot.
Atlanta’s D4L hit a sweet spot with “Laffy Taffy” in January 2006, when the song peaked at no. 1. The foursome only made it to no. 72 with their next single “Betcha Can’t Do It Like Me.”
6. James Blunt
James Blunt sweet-talked his way to No. 1 with the inescapable ballad “You’re Beautiful” in March 2006. But fans dropped him soon after; his appropriately titled next single, “Goodbye My Lover,” only reached No. 66.
7. Gnarls Barkley
“Crazy” was such a gargantuan smash, it felt like Gnarls Barkley’s spell would never wear off. But after peaking at No. 2 in July 2006, Ceee-Lo and Dangermouse haven’t made it past No. 88 with their subsequent singles. Crazy, indeed.
HIT ‘EM UP STYLE (OOPS!)
Blu Cantrell struck gold with “Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops!),” which reached the No. 2 position in July 2001. Since then, she’s only climbed as high as No. 70, with “Breathe” in 2003. Oops!
9. Bo Bice
INSIDE YOUR HEAVEN
Bo Bice won the hearts of “American Idol” viewers with “Inside Your Heaven” in July 2005. After the cameras turned off, voters quickly tuned out. His next highest-charting single, “The Real Thing,” peaked at No. 56 in May 2006.
HE LOVES U NOT
Dream lived up to their name with “He Loves U Not,” which climbed to No. 2 in December 2000. After that, the manufactured girl group woke up and only rose to No. 39 with their next single, “This Is Me,” in the summer of 2001.
J-Kwon intoxicated the airwaves with “Tipsy,” scoring him the No. 2 spot in April 2004. He hasn’t stumbled as high on his own since, but he did ride Bow Wow’s coattails to No. 23 in April 2006 with the collaboration “Fresh Azimiz.”
ME & U
Cassie strutted to No. 3 with “Me & U” in July 2006, but she floundered with “Long Way 2 Go,” which only peaked at No. 97. She’s been a no-show on the charts ever since.
MAMBO NO. 5 (A LITTLE BIT OF…)
Lou Bega’s ubiquitous “Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of)” climbed to No. 3 in November 1999, and stuck around for months after peaking. But Bega hasn’t flirted with the charts much since; his next-highest charting single, “Tricky, Tricky,” only reached no. 74 in February 2000.
14. Lil’ Romeo
Cute and cuddle Lil Romero skipped all the way to No. 3 in June 2001 with “My Baby.” But puberty didn’t do the pint-sized rapper well; none of his solo singles have even touched the Hot 100 since</b>
NEVER LEAVE YOU – UH OOH, UH OOOH!
Lumidee promised to “Never Leave You” with her first single in August 2003. She didn’t keep her word. Outside of a No. 43 appearance in April 2007 with “She’s Like The Wind” featuring Tony Sunshine, she hasn’t visited the chart since.
LIPS OF AN ANGEL
With “Lips of an Angel,” Hinder soared to the No. 3 spot in October 2006. The band fell from grace shortly thereafter, only soaring as high as No. 31 with “Better Than Me” in May 2007.
17. Kevin Lyttle feat. Spragga Benz
TURN ME ON
In August 2004, Kevin Lyttle, with help from Spragga Benz, lit up the charts with “Turn Me On.” The airwaves have since turned him off, and the Caribbean crooner has yet to return to the Hot 100.
18. Youngbloodz feat. Lil Jon
Youngbloodz teamed up with Lil Jon on “Damn!,” which rose to No. 4 in November 2003. The Hotlanta duo had much to curse about after that; they didn’t go nearly as high with their next biggest hit; “Presidential” peaked at No. 81 in November 2005.
19. Fort Minor feat. Holly Brook
WHERE’D YOU GO
It’s a good thing Mike Shinoda has Linkin Park to fall back on. Fort Minor, his musical side project, started big, reaching No. 2 with “Where’d You Go” in June 2006. Fans have been asking the same question since then; the band’s next biggest hit, “Remember the Name,” peaked at No. 66. three months later.
20. Samantha Mumba
GOTTA TELL YOU
Irish singer Samantha Mumba rose to No. 4 on the Hot 100 with “Gotta Tell You” in December 2000. The airwaves refused to listen after that; her next-biggest single, “Baby, Come Over (This Is Our Night)” only climbed to No. 49 in June 2001.
21. Cassidy feat. R. Kelly
Cassidy went all the way to No. 4 in March 2004 with “Hotel,” featuring R. Kelly. But the Philly rapper checked out of the chart shortly thereafter, only making it as high as No. 33 with “My Drink N’ My 2 Step” three years later.
22. Macy Gray
Macy Gray blew up in May 2000 when her debut single, “I Try,” went to No. 5. But believe it or not, the husky-voiced diva has not appeared on the Hot 100 since!
23. The Calling
WHEREVER YOU WILL GO
In March 2002, L.A. rockers the Calling reached their highest high when their single “Wherever You Will Go” peaked at No. 5. The band has not come calling back to the charts since.
24. Vanessa Carlton
A THOUSAND MILES
Vanessa Carlton wooed listeners in May 2002, when her piano ballad “A Thousand Miles” hit No. 5. Five months later, she was back on the Hot 100 with “Ordinary Day,” but the song — her second-biggest single — barely cracked the Top 30.
25. Ruff Endz
Baltimore R&B duo Ruff Endz went all the way to No. 5 with “No More” in September 2000. But the group never saw the top 10 again after that; they only reached No. 49 with “Someone to Love You” in June 2002.
26. Eiffel 65
BLUE (DA BA DEE)
Italian dance trio Eiffel 65, whose name was generated at random by a computer program, peaked at No. 6 with the über-catchy “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” in January 2000. They’ve been blue ever since, as they did not see the Hot 100 for the rest of the decade, even as Flo Rida took his “Blue”-sampling hit “Sugar” all the way to No. 5.
27. Rich Boy feat. Polow Da Don
THROW SOME D’s
Alabama rapper Rich Boy went all the way to No. 6 on March 31, 2007 with “Throw Some D’s.” He ran out of steam after reaching that peak, and hasn’t returned to the chart since.
28. Nick Lachey
WHAT’S LEFT OF ME
In May 2006, sympathetic fans helped Nick Lachey go to No. 6 with his post-98 Degrees solo single, “What’s Left of Me,” a song about his dissolved relationship with Jessica Simpson. But when the drama cooled, fans stopped caring; later that year his next song, “I Can’t Hate You Anymore” — his second-biggest — only climbed to No. 87.
OOPS (OH MY)
In May 2002, Missy Elliott and Timbaland introduced the airwaves to Tweet, whose song “Oops (Oh My)” peaked at No. 7. But Tweet only made a peep on the charts after that with “Call Me,” which limped to No. 31 a month later.
30. Hurricane Chris
A BAY BAY
Louisiana’s Hurricane Chris climbed to No. 7 on the Hot 100 with “A Bay Bay” in July 2007. He specifically cat-called “Halle Berry” on his next-biggest single with far less success; the song only went to No. 52 in June 2009.
CHAIN HANG LOW
Jibbs’ ode to bling climbed all the way to No. 7 in October 2006. But the shine didn’t last long; the rapper only made it as high as No. 54 with his next tune, “King Kong,” five months later.
IT FEELS SO GOOD
In April 2000, Sonique went to No. 8 with her upbeat jam, “It Feels So Good.” But the British pop diva hasn’t felt so great since; nearly 10 years later, she has yet to appear on the chart again.
33. DJ Sammy & Yanou feat. Do
Spanish producer DJ Sammy floated to No. 8 on the Hot 100 in August 2002 with his remake of Bryan Adams’ “Heaven.” He continued to chart in other countries with his remakes of songs like “Everybody Hurts” and “The Boys of Summer,” but none of them cracked the U.S. Hot 100.
34. Eden’s Crush
GET OVER YOURSELF
Eden’s Crush, featuring a young Nicole Scherzinger, peaked at No. 8 in March 2001 with “Get Over Yourself,” after the girl group’s formation was chronicled on the WB reality series “Popstars.” But the Crush were no Pussycat Dolls — the gals never made it back on the charts.
LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
Belgian dance act D.H.T. debuted at No. 8 on the Hot 100 in August 2005 with their remake of Roxette’s “Listen to Your Heart.” People stopped listening after that, and they have not been seen on the charts since.
36. Truth Hurts Feat. Rakim
Truth Hurts began her career with the help of rap legend Dr. Dre, and “Addictive,” her single with Rakim, peaked at No. 9 in June 2002. But not even those heavyweights could give the St. Louis singer a lasting career: she hasn’t charted on the Hot 100 since then.
37. Kevon Edmonds
Kevon Edmonds, brother of Babyface, peaked at No. 10 with his single “24/7″ in December 1999. But unlike his famous little bro, Kevon stayed absent from the chart for the entirety of the 2000s
38. S Club 7
NEVER HAD A DREAM COME TRUE
S Club 7, the British pop group created by Simon Fuller of “American Idol” fame, crashed onto the U.S. chart with “Never Had a Dream Come True” in May 2001. Though wildly successful in other parts of the world, they never made a blip on the American charts again.
39. Young Dro feat. T.I.
T.I. protégé Young Dro reached No. 10 in August 2006 with “Shoulder Lean.” Sadly, none of the solo singles that followed cause as much of a craze.
Daniel Powter?!? Number one!?!?! What!? Where is that “Fuck you you ho, I don’t want you back” song that that dude Eamon sang? I could use a little of that on this list. And why is Tweet so low? Surly that masturbation anthem should be higher on the list. I mean, Tweet used to hang out with Missy E. Who has Daniel Powter ever hung out with? His parents? Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles”? I feel like I still hear that song every single day at some point. How is she so low on the list and “Had a Bad Day” is number one?
Look, no 9/11 jokes, but it’s really clear to me after looking at this list that we, as a people, MUST have gone through SOMETHING in order to warrant this kind of horrible taste in music. Let’s take the next decade a lot more seriously, folks. This is DIRE.