My father sends me an email about four times a year. He has fully embraced texting, oddly enough, but this newfangled Internet contraption is still not really his thing. On the other hand, my mother belongs to like 8000 Google groups and probably sends more emails daily than I do, but she refuses to use text messaging. (“Don’t send me one of those things! It costs money!”) Parents are really a laugh a minute.

The point is, when I see an email from my father, I always know it’s going to be good, and the one I got today was no exception. It came in with the subject line “How Pumpkin Pies Are Made” and the message contained only this photo. I laughed so hard; I had to share. It’s the best pumpkin ever. (Although have you seen my Buck-Toothed Hick pumpkin? It’s a close second.)

We’re taking a break from regular posting around here until the weekend. There will be a few posts here and there, but we’re all going to take time to enjoy the holiday with our loved ones. I am actually going to attempt to cook tomorrow, and also my dog has a Santa costume (with a hat!), so, at the very least, there will be funny photos. Enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday, and try not to think about this photo when you’re eating pumpkin pie!

I genuinely didn’t think it was possible. Literally the way I found it was by obsessively going through like 50 photos of her at the press call for her new movie, Brothers, thinking to myself, “I wonder if any of these photos of her are bad. Can Natalie Portman take a bad photo? It may not be physically possible.” And then I stumbled on this one and I was like, “Oh, okay, that’s a kind of bad photo.” Don’t worry, though, all the rest of them in the gallery below are freakin’ perfect. Sigh.

Here it is, kids! After watching the entire thing, I’m mostly disappointed that nobody simulated oral sex.

In seriousness, though, this is going to be a rough and fascinating road. I’ve heard the whole album — I’ve been listening to it for a week, actually — and it’s brilliant. But this country’s never really had an openly gay pop star, and Adam is making calculated choices to push the door wide open; he’s being a flamboyant openly gay pop star, so that people can come in later and be milder openly gay pop stars and take considerably less heat for it. He’s going to make unpopular and perhaps even uncouth decisions, and he’s going to take unending amounts of shit for it, and it’s going to be a rocky road. Thus far — and it’s early still — he’s maneuvered through it with a lot of grace. But make no mistake about it — he’s made a conscious decision to put himself way, way out there as a target, so this country can exhaust its “righteous” ammo on him and, in the future, be more comfortable with a gay pop star who, perhaps, doesn’t thrust his backup dancer’s face against his penis on live national television. It takes a hell of a lot of guts to do that, to put yourself out there as that person and to take that heat day in and day out, but I have a feeling it will be worth it in the end. Thank you, Adam.

Sorry, y’all, I didn’t mean for this to be J&K day around here, but I posted on my Twitter and my Facebook about my thoughts when I finally watched (part of) the Jon & Kate Plus Eight finale from Monday night, and I got a billion responses like “You better put that clip on your website!” So, here it is.

I mean, is it slander to say Jon Gosselin is on a shitload of cocaine during this interview when it’s clearly the truth? It would be funny if it weren’t so damn sad. I like the part around 4:15 where he’s twitching and rambling about how he stupidly moved to the Upper West Side when everyone knows the best blow is on the Lower East Side, and that’s a mistake he certainly won’t make again. But it’s nice that he can escape to his “country house.” I get that he and TLC are at war right now, but that’s not a very good reason to show up to his final interview snowplowed out of his gourd. That’s just like biting off your nose to spite your face. He’s gonna have to live with this for the rest of his life, and so are his children.

The whole thing is totally hilarious and worth a viewing if you can just push out of your mind the reality that this man is a father of eight.

Jon Gosselin is about to be a free man, but don’t let Octomom Nadya Suleman know!  She’s already confessed that she’s got a little crush on the father of many, but this newest revelation should turn your blood cold.

Octomom is open to the idea of having more kids.  Fourteen kids is not enough for this clown car.   When asked about future babies, the psycho replied “If I wanted to do it the traditional way and get married.  That’s like another chapter.”  Beyond the fact that Suleman would ever agree to being pregnant again, I cannot believe that she is publicly admitting this.  Also, who is the man that would take on this brood?

If you think you can tolerate it, watch the video of her discussing, gulp, more kids:  here.

Speaking of turkeys, I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I’m pretty sure you’ll all be enjoying the gifted Molls over the next couple of days and I’ll be back for more abuse love on Monday.  I’m thankful for you.

“What if I had a booth on the street and I said, ‘Attention, everybody who hates me: If you have a problem with me, I’m ready to hear your gripes! I will be outside the Barneys store on 60th Street from two to four this afternoon. I will not be speaking to fans. I will only be speaking to people who do not like me. Come out and let me have it. I will not speak back.’ 

“How many people do you think would be standing there? I’m talking about people getting the chance to tell me directly, ‘I think you’re a douchebag.’ You know how many people would do it? Ze-ro. You know what they’d do? They’d walk up and say, ‘I’m just messin’ with ya.’ And you know what I’d say? I’d say, ‘You’re a douchebag!’”

John Mayer in a Details interview, really just tempting me.  Please let this booth be built, John.  I will be first in line to prove your little theory wrong.  Who’s with me?