Chris Brown isn’t too happy that Rihanna went on 20/20 to talk to Diane Sawyer about the abuse between the former couple, but why would he be? Sadly, it seems that Chris thinks that not talking about what happened the night that he beat her face in in Hancock Park will make the incident eventually disappear from the public’s mind, but we all know that as long as anyone’s talking about Christ Brown, “abuser” is going to be the first word that comes to mind.

Chris went to MTV News to talk about his ex’s interview and expressed that even though he understood her reasons for going, he wishes she had just kept quiet. “While I respect Rihanna’s right to discuss the specific events of February 8, I maintain my position that all of the details should remain a private matter between us,” Brown told the network. Of course you would, sweetie, but unfortunately, your lackluster interview with Larry King and the months of silence that Rihanna graciously gave you still left us with questions.

And while we may always think of Chris Brown as a woman-beater, Rihanna wants to make sure that she can move on from this as well. What Chris has to realize when saying that he’d like for this incident to remain private is that he, by nature of his career, cannot be a private person. Once news hits that you’ve beaten your girlfriend, everyone wants to know why. In fact, Rihanna’s reasons for doing the interview was to kind of clear both of their names, “I knew I had to do this in order to move on for me and in order for my fans to move on . . . I don’t want that five years from now every time they see Rihanna, they think of Chris Brown beating me. That’s not who I am.” Perhaps instead of coming across guilt-free in his actions, Chris should take Rihanna’s approach and address the issues head on so that we can all move along.

Rolling Stone cover girl Megan Fox took part in a smoking hot photo shoot for the magazine, and of course, only the very best shots were used. Now several of the outtakes from the shoot have been released and trust me when I say that if this is this chick’s “bad work”, then it really doesn’t matter that she’s borderline retarded. Megan Fox cooking bacon in her undies, seductively chewing on her finger, hanging out all spread-legged and laughing wickedly… Does any of that appeal to you? Check out the gallery below…

It’s Friday and I’m sick of Hollywood.  Enjoy this clip of America’s Got Talent’s judge Sharon Osbourne appearing on the Opie and Anthony radio show, calling Britain’s Got Talent contestant Susan Boyle “a hairy arsehole.”  Of course, she made sure to cushion all her bitchy comments with proclamations of “God love her.”

S.O. is such a twat.

Oprah doesn’t like sharing her magazine cover.  It’s not one of her favorite things.  She’s only ever shared with Michelle Obama before this December’s issue.  After Ellen Degeneres’ aggressive campaigning, she appears with Big O on not one, but two covers.

I love Ellen, even if I don’t understand her love of all things O.  You know what else I don’t love?  Oprah’s constant yammering about living her authentic self.  Just how many whacks of Photoshop’s warp brush tool do you think O’s saddlebags were treated to?  Even in discussing the shoot, Oprah said “When Ellen arrived at the photo shoot for our cover, I didn’t have to ask her how she was doing: it showed on her face.  She radiated the kind of peace and satisfaction that comes only when you’re living at your highest potential.”  I wish I could get five minutes with Oprah to ask if she’s living at her highest potential or is she just edited to appear that way.

I’m just going to stop talking about the Lohan battle of the written word after today, because they have definitely entered Gosselin territory.  Michael Lohan released random, recorded phone call tapes to Radar Online and RO has deftly crafted a major “Exclusive Breaking News” type of story out of them.  Every.  Day.

If you’ve been smart enough to avoid all the updates, let me get you up to speed.  Michael wants Linds in rehab.  Linds doesn’t want to go.  Dina tried to get Linds to go.  Linds punched Dina in the face.  Michael thinks that cocaine God is punishing Linds, stripping her of her career, as retribution for all the lies she tells.  Lies that include Linds’ Twitter account of all the gory details of her parent’s marriage.  All of America doesn’t give a crapness about any of it and is actually craving a Gosselin brawl right about now.

In other words, the Lohans are fucking nuts.  Hollywood needs to capture this in a new reality show.  Like, they could lock all the Lohans in the Dr. Phil house for a long weekend — Gah!  Dr. Phil would love to get a piece of that action — and let them have at it (in front of cameras, of course) until a winner is declared.  And I think we all know who that winner would be:  Linds’ brother, Michael Lohan Jr. who is absolutely the sanest of that bunch.

“I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm liked a baked good. I love the smell of Balmex. Love it.”

Sarah Jessica Parker grossing me the fuck out in an Elle magazine interview in which she compares pee to brioche.