When we first mentioned that Tiger Woods had crashed his car into a tree outside his home at 2:30 in the morning and wound up unconscious on the ground, several of you were shrewd enough to mention in the comments that, perhaps, everything was not domestic bliss in that home. It turns out there might be some truth to that rumor — before the incident, the National Enquirer had reported that Tiger was having an affair with the black-rope queen of the NYC nightclub scene, Rachel Uchitel. That’s the same publication that got the John Edwards scandal spot-on, and they’d photographed a similar hotel rendezvous between Rachel and Tiger. I guess his wife Elin smelled a little bit of the truth in it. Now, the Florida Highway Patrol is pursuing a search warrant to seize medical records in the case. Elin’s story isn’t holding up, and they’re considering pressing domestic violence charges against her. Rachel Uchitel, meanwhile, has denied the allegations and lawyered up (Gloria Allred, for realz) and is assumed to be considering pressing charges against National Enquirer for their story.

This isn’t Rachel Uchitel’s first time dodging unwanted media attention. She was an iconic image after the September 11 attacks, where her then-fiance died in the South Tower. Remember this shot?

Yeah, that’s Rachel Uchitel. Afterward, she quit her job as a news producer, suffered an emotional breakdown (duh), and spent time recovering at The Ashram in Brazil and later at the one in Los Angeles before returning to NYC and getting involved in the nightclub scene. (I got a call today from a friend who knew her during that time: “She did a 180 after the attacks. She was just this sweet little news producer, and all of a sudden she’s running the velvet ropes all over NYC and starfucking like it’s a sport.”) Several years later, she married another Wall Street trader in a giant, lavish wedding, and divorced him four months later, moving to Las Vegas to help launch the uber-successful Tao nightclub. She’s known for her uncanny ability to get A-listers to show up at clubs (uncanny, indeed). Oh, and she was also rumored to be sleeping with David Boreanaz … during his marriage.

What a cast of characters! This is about to get fun, folks.

I’m not in the U.K., so I don’t know who most of the people are who turned up to T4′s “Stars of 2009″ concert this weekend in London. Hell, I don’t even know what T4 is– I had to look it up on Wikipedia.

Nevertheless, I wanted to post some of the photos from this event, and I think you can see why. Some of you readers who live across the pond might actually recognize some of these celebrities. Those of you who have never heard of them before can just recognize their terrible, terrible fashion.

We have the Leaping Hightower Twins above, Lady Roadkill below, and Ziggy Ho-dust  in a gallery that’s punctuated by only a few bright spots, including some of the co-stars from the Harry Potter movies. Enjoy.

People reported earlier today that Reese and Jake, who have been together since 2007, had decided to call it quits, and the rumor spread quickly to several celebrity gossip sites.

But a rep for Witherspoon has released a comment contradicting the rumor, saying simply: “It’s not true. They have not split.”

At this point, no one knows what the truth is. On the one hand, you’ve got Witherspoon’s rep trying to squash the rumor, but on the other hand, People’s story was based on “a source close to the actress,” and the pair weren’t exactly forthcoming when they started dating, denying their involvement for almost a year.

Either way, I’m all for keeping our noses out of their personal business. You know how mortifying it is just to change your Facebook status from “In a Relationship” to “Single” (with the little broken heart icon) when you break up with someone. Imagine if the thousand tongues of the internet were to start wagging with unfounded rumors of a breakup every time you and your honey have a tiff.

50 year old actor comedian personality Tom Arnold proved he doesn’t know when to stop getting back on the horse when he tied the knot for the fourth time this Saturday in Maui. This time he hitched his post to Ashley Groussman, a woman who I don’t know much about except that she only has 66 folowers on Twitter and tweets things like:

“Crazy when my vision board keeps coming true…Going to see OPRAH!!!!! Dream come true.”

Tom’s best man was comedian Dax Shephard and the entertainment for the rehearsal dinner was karaoke, led by Tom himself. Residents of Maui and the surrounding islands have been advised to move to higher ground under threat of a possible douche-nami caused by Tom Arnold singing karaoke in such close proximity to the Pacific Ocean.

If you’re supposed to be in prison, you probably shouldn’t Tweet about it. Prisoners in full-time custody aren’t supposed to have internet access or cell phones, so tweeting daily about your “prison” experiences is a dead giveaway that you’re not where you’re supposed to be.

Pulp Fiction screenwriter Roger Avary is in the middle of a prison sentence for vehicular manslaughter, following a fatal DUI car crash he caused in January. He fucked the sun when he provided the followers of his @avary Twitter account with daily updates of his prison experiences.

Tweets like the one above led  author Neil Gaiman, one of Avary’s followers, to comment “My friend @AVARY is tweeting from the inside. It’s riveting, horrible strange. Jail in 140 character lumps.”

Gaiman wasn’t the only person who found the tweets interesting. The Ventura County penal system was also enthralled, mostly because Avary was supposed to be in full-time custody and should not have had access to anything that would have allowed him to Tweet.

According to the L.A. Times, Avary mistakenly ended upon a work furlough program that allowed him to leave custody every day from 8am-5pm to work a job, only returning to jail at night to bunk up with his fellow furlough inmates. Avary’s daily Twiiter updates caught the attention of Times writer Mark Milian, who wrote an article about Avary’s mysterious internet access. That article in turn caught the attention of the authorities.

The account has since been locked, and Avary has been transferred to a full-time “pound-me-in-the-ass” facility, but if he had refrained from daily forays into 140-character solipsism, he might not have ever been discovered.

Whorin’ don’t come easy to Fergie. When she auditioned for the role of prostitute Saraghina in Nine– the film adaptation of the musical based on Frederico Fellini’s 8 1/2 that’s due out on December 19th– she claims she studied hours of footage of Italy’s “leading ladies” to learn how to act like a prostitute.

“I watched all the Fellini films and studied Italian actresses; how they walked and how they spoke with their hands. Whenever I would sit down, I would never cross my legs because that’s not how Saraghina would sit; she wasn’t a lady. I would walk in a different physicality than I use myself. I tried to become Italian, I tried to become Saraghina.”

I’m not sure that not crossing your legs when you sit down is what it takes to “become Itallian.” I’m also not sure that’s an appropriate use of the word “physicality,” but who am I to argue with someone who’s such a good speller. (Tastey).

The film (that I never heard of until today) also stars Daniel “you can drink my milkshake any” Day Lewis, Nicole Kidman, and Sophia Loren.