I swear, if I have to hear one more thing about her and Adam Duritz, I’m just going to explode. MINE MINE MINE. Back the fuck off, Emmy!

I was having a conversation with a co-worker about threesomes today (because pretty much what I do when I am in the office is wander around and distract other people from doing actual work by bringing up topics like threesomes), and I was all like, “I don’t think I could ever be in a threesome. I’m not a good sharer,” and she was like, “Yeah, you don’t strike me as a very good sharer.” Ha! It’s so true! I didn’t share well in kindergarten, and I don’t share well now. And I CERTAINLY don’t share Adam Duritz well. He has been my man since I was in fifth grade. I get so upset whenever I read about him and Emmy.

For Emmy Rossum, her relationship with Counting Crows singer Adam Duritz began with a Tweet.

“I was on tour with the band this summer. They invited me actually on Twitter,” Rossum said Thursday on the radio show Valentine in the Morning. “That’s how we met – on a dare. They dared me to come sing with them a song that I’d never sung before … So I ended up on tour with the band, and it was very, very fun.”

Their relationship came to light this fall after they’d been spotted together multiple times. Rossum, 23, split from husband Justin Siegel in August – though her marriage was not widely known about.

Asked why she kept the fact that she was married a secret from the public, the actress says, “It’s hard to have a private life and keep it private and hope that people don’t pick you apart.”

As for the divorce, Rossum says, “I’m not asking for anything except freedom so that I can move on to another chapter in my life, and find happiness.”

This just makes me even angrier, because I’m on Twitter. (Hey! Follow me!) Why is Adam Duritz not daring me to do stuff on Twitter?? I will do way freakier stuff than sing a song I don’t know, Adam, if you would only ask. Try me!

If the shit didn’t hit the fan some time ago for Jon Gosselin, it definitely is now.

A former bodyguard of the “reality star” has been subpoenaed in TLC’s case against him and his testimony is going to be less than helpful in helping Jon gain custody of his kids.

The bodyguard is claiming that not only has he seen Jon do cocaine many times (no surprise there. His face has been looking like it’s been stung by bees for a minute now) and that he’s also seen Jon’s secret sex tape. Supposedly Jon made the tape while in LA back in October and some of his friends paid a girl to have sex with him while a hidden camera was running. Sounds like Jon is surrounding himself with a lot of savory people. Sounds like he’s on the right track.

It’s hard to tell if the bodyguard’s story is true, as it IS being reported by the Enquirer, but when it comes down to his legal testimony, he could do jail time for lying on the stand. Ahhh! This is all so exciting! I can’t handle it.

So, I’m watching this video I found on ONTD that’s a promo for a new MTV reality show called Jersey Shore. I’m trapped in a place between wondering if this is an excellent parody, or if MTV is just the lowest-quality producer of entertainment in the universe. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some True Life and Made and I could watch original Real World for DAYS, but this? I feel like I’ve gotten crabs just from watching it.

For those of you who have been watching Big Love from the jump, you probably couldn’t help but notice that there’s always been some sexual tension/weird flirty thing going on between Margene and Bill’s youngest son Ben. Nothing’s ever happened between the two (because, well, that’s just really so many different kinds of uncomfortable, but according to series co-creator, this new season something finally is going to happen between the two. “We have flirted for three years with [that] relationship. And this year we finally decided to pay it off,” Olsen said in an interview with Entertainment Weekly.

What this is going to mean for the family is up in the air. Par of me is convinced it would ruin everything, but another part of me can’t help but wonder if they’d for whatever reason be OK with Bill kind of handing off Margie to Ben.

Ginnifer Goodwin, however, was completely torn about the move and said last week that her character “does something next season that in my own esteem is so horrible that I had trouble even performing it.”

Anyone else dying to see how this unfolds?

So People Magazine is reporting that the stripper who claims she slept with Fergie’s man, Josh Duhamel is doing some interview on Extra to apologize to Fergie for messing with her man. To me, that’s not so interesting because like, duh. That’s what nobody rando people who make horrible claims about celebrities do. They do the press tour, they maybe decide they want to act and wind up doing promotional parties in Grand Rapids or like, whatever. All those Z-List nobody things that attention seeking weirdos do. I don’t particularly think it matters that she’s apologizing to Fergie, who cares? But here’s what killed me when I read the story:

In fact, the media attention given to her claims have hurt her family, if anyone’s. She has two young children.

“My son, he went to a football game last Saturday and he was like, ‘Mom, you’re disgusting. I didn’t know you had sex with him,’ ” she says.

She’s even quit stripping.

“I don’t want to because of my children,” she says. “They asked that I never do it again.”

But was it all worth it? The sex definitely wasn’t, she says. “As far as the best sex? No, I don’t think that was it,” she says.

This woman is a mother?! She has children old enough to go to football games on their own and come home with information about their mother’s having a sex scandal with a major celebrity that’s been splashed all over the Internet and news? Is this really where we’re at? This kid’s life will probably never be the same. His relationship with his mother is permanently tainted by this incident. It’s one thing to know your mother is a stripper, but to know that she’s sleeping with married men on the job, essentially making her a prostitute? If these kids have a relative they can live with, they should.

Anyone who would sacrifice the emotional health of their children to gain a molecule of infamy is disgusting.

You’d think that if your daughter’s baby daddy was showing his junk for money in Playgirl and shit-talking you on national television while disclosing family secrets, you probably wouldn’t want to sit around a table with him talking about how moist this year’s turkey is, but that Sarah Palin just won’t be put in a mold!

In an interview with Oprah that’s due to air on November 16th, Palin said she’d be more than happy to have Levi Johnston at her Thanksgiving table. “It’s lovely to think that he would ever even consider such a thing… He is a part of the family and you want to bring him in the fold and kind of under your wing. And he needs that, too, Oprah. I think he needs to know that he is loved and he has the most beautiful child and this can all work out for good.”

It’s pretty clear that Palin’s not under the impression that this would ever happen, but at least publicly she’s pretending that there’s a chance they have a salvageable relationship. “We don’t have to keep going down this road of controversy and drama all the time. We’re not really into the drama. We don’t really like that. We’re more productive. We have other things to concentrate on.” Yeah, like a potential custody battle, rumors of divorce and making sure your book winds up on the best seller list, Sarah.