So, for those of you who didn’t know me before EvilBeet, I’m kinda known to some people as a blogger and some people as a Twitterer and some people as a vlogger. I used to make videos every day but that’s slowed down as I’ve gained a little bit of self control.

Anyway, my best friend Ed and I are always getting together and watching Real Housewives and talking about superficial bullshit we think is funny, so last night we talked about Real Housewives of OC, Levi Johnston (Ed bought a Playgirl subscription just so he could check out the goods) and this horrible man in a Gucci fanny pack that was mean to our friend.

You may think we’re a couple of ridiculous, self-important squares who don’t need to be on camera without make up and talking about this stuff, and you’d be right. But whatever. We do what we want.

And before you start thinking of telling me that my nose looks like a whale’s dick, I’ve already been told that, so go back to the insult well and pull up something slightly more clever.

Lily Allen had a smile for her escort when she arrived in Paris this morning from London, but quickly turned shy and unhappy as the paps spotted her and began to flag her down for her photo. We see a lot of these photos, celebrities assuming they are having a normal moment only to discover that they are “back at work” again having their photo taken to be splashed all over the Internet. Then jerks like me make a photo gallery out of it and a bunch of people comment on it. Crazy world we’re living in, huh? But anyway, I felt kinda bad for Lils when I saw these pictures because I know at this point she’s just dealing with it. A few years back ago she would have assaulted the cameramen or put a cigarette out on their face or something. Now she knows this is just what she’s gotta deal with.

GQ’s Men of the Year issue is hitting stands in December, and while I usually think these sort of lists are pointless and open to much debate, I’m thinking they did a pretty good job this year, starting with the smokin’ Chris Pine. Damn. I’d like to Star his Trek, if you know what I’m saying. (I’m saying I’d like to “do it” with him.) Also given special edition covers are the Hangover boys, and anyone who’s loved Zach Galifianakis forever and a day like I have is also probably psyched to see him blow up and finally get major recognition for being the genius that he is. Also, Clint Eastwood, who I would not “do”, but with whom I would like to share a very nice dinner and conversation is mentioned, along with my man himself, Barry O. If they’d gotten Balloon Boy on a cover, I think the whole thing would be just PERFECT.

Lady Gaga, famous singer who probably has a penis, claims that her lil sis is a huge Gossip Girl fan, so I’m sure she’ll be psyched to see what it looks like when her older, transgendered sister hits the stage at some club on the show. I can’t be bothered to watch Gossip Girl. I don’t like any television shows that were made after 1997, so my opinion doesn’t really matter here, but from the sneak peak above, it sure does look like a bunch of privileged kids are really enjoying watching this hermaphrodite sing her heart out while dressed like Boy George after he’s been put in the blender. Hooray for Hollywood!

This may not seem like a big deal, but SmartWater spokesperson Jennifer Aniston was seen toting around a rival brand the other day and ooooooh, boy, does that piss off companies that spend millions to make sure their water is seen in the hands of stars.

Remember back in the day when Britney was shilling for Pepsi but kept Coke on her concert rider? She nearly lost her contract over that and had to sign papers saying that she wouldn’t be seen with any other soft drink. While I doubt these grainy paparazzi shots are going to get Aniston in too  much trouble, they hopefully will serve as a reminder to the star that once you sign a piece of paper saying you’ll rep a companies’ goods and take money for it, you sure as hell better make sure you hold up your end of the agreement. Big Bro is always watching, girl.

Remember when Tara Reid got really, really sad about five or six years ago and there was all that paparazzi footage of her being rejected from Teddy’s or some other similar club everywhere and she was the laughing stock of LA. Well, the reason why those photos/videos were so sad is because pretty much anyone knows that if you are the right person or if you know the right person, you can get in just about anywhere in LA.

Last night, however, Lindsay Lohan couldn’t make it in to an LA club with her friends and was asked to leave. There’s a lot more gallery photos where the one above came from, but for some reason the server is acting funky and I can’t get them up for you. But trust me: LA is over Lindsay Lohan. The velvet ropes have been lifted for that girl since she was 17 and look where it’s landed her? Standing outside of a bar, confronting the doorman on his refusal to let her and her pals grab a drink or “some conversation”.

Look, I’m a loser, and even I don’t have to stand in line. I want you guys to think about that.