Half a dead animal (wearing a suit made of people skin) arrived at London’s Heathrow airport today with half a dead animal hanging out of its handbag.

Ugh. I am so sick of writing about this bitch. I actually put her on a list of people I was NOT going to write about this weekend; a list which also included the Gosselins and the Lohans. But if I don’t write about this new stuff, some douchebag will come up in here all self-righteous talking about how I dropped the ball, and Evilbeet sucks now, and he’s not going to read it any more (except every day so he can comment about how much it sucks). So here you go. Tired of reading about her? Thank that douche.

Radaronline is reporting that a chuckwagon full of new sex tapes and nude Prejean photos have surfaced. All of the sex tapes are solo performances of Prejean dj’ing her own “private” party while the photos are mostly topless pictures she took in a mirror.

There, that’s it. This woman sucks, we all know she sucks, and I can’t think of very much she could do to warrant any further attention. If you can all come to a consensus,  I will promise you won’t ever see another article from me about Carrie Prejean, unless she actually dies on one of my weekends.

Cosmo and razor-maker Gillete headed to Camps Bay Beach in Capetown, South Africa to hold the World’s Largest Bikini Photo shoot (there’s a record for everything). The mag holds one of these events each year at a different location. Previous locations included South Beach and Sydney.

Although the magazine says the event is about getting women together to “feel comfortable about their bodies,” I’m sure it’s also designed to promote the magazine and the Gillette Venus Breeze, a women’s razor that couldn’t shave the hair off a baby’s ass if it’s anything like the regular Venus razor. (I hope we’re not sponsored by them.)

Anyhoos, you might be wondering why I’m writing about random broads in bikinis since I’m obviously not doing it as a backdoor way to advertise one of our sponsors. Well, I just really appreciated the fact that the photo shoot included lots of different kinds of women with different body types, complexions, and styles– including the chica up above with the sweetest pair of knockers these eyes have ever seen.

Plus, it’s random chicks in bikinis. Who would complain?

Although 99% of the participants were “real” women, Cosmo still felt it necessary to sprinkle a few of their own models in the mix, and it’s amazing how absolutely ridiculous these women look next to the other women. I don’t think you’ll have any trouble spotting them in the gallery.

Clubgoers at Las Vegas nightclub Enclave reported that a plastered Brooke Hogan showed up last night in what one guy described as “an utter state of hot drunkenness,” which is also now my knew favorite way to describe that phase of consciousness. At about two in the morning she hopped up on stage and stumbled all over herself to give an impromptu performance that included slurred lyrics and terrible, clumsy dancing, which is actually no different from any other Brooke Hogan performance.

So, she embarrassed herself– again, how is that any different from a normal Brooke Hogan musical performance– but she’s 21, so there wasn’t anything illegal about it.  I just hope for the sake of her daddy that she’s not going to start down the Lohan expressway to nowhere. Judging from the premature aging in the picture above (Brooke is on the right) she’s been putting some things in her system on a regular basis that aren’t good for her.

That whole family should probably go to rehab together.  Last week on the Joy Behar show, The Hulk talked about popping a few Xanax, staring at a bottle of booze with a gun in his hand, and contemplating suicide after his wife filed for divorce. He also commented that he could “understand” where O.J. Simpson was “coming from” and thought about “turning everything into a crime scene” and “slitting everybody’s throats.”

You guys, I think I just spontaneously got pregnant. These photos of Jen Garner running errands with Violet and Seraphina are pretty much as effective as actual semen when it comes to knocking up a 20-something woman. I can’t tell if I have morning sickness or I’m just nauseous from the cuteness overdose.

Either way, I’m going to name my unborn child Gigli.

It would seem unlikely for Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, The Pussycat Dolls and the LA Lakers to all be going down for the same crime, but believe it or not, all four are involved in a lawsuit with an electronics company that says they had their design ripped off by the artists and team.

Large Audience Display System has filed suit against these parties for using screens too similar to the ones they have patented in their shows and at their games. Britney just used hers on the Circus tour, but Justin has been using the ripped off design since FutureSex/LoveShow days.

While the suit may seem petty, the company that originated the design is screwed if major artists and venues keep using knock-offs of their design without receiving any credit. If using these fake designs continues to be a trend, the company will lose all their hard work and flounder.

Let’s hope that this just goes away and a settlement is quickly made. I really don’t want to be writing posts about Britney testifying in court over a projection screen. That might just push me over the edge.