I’d like to play a little game with you. It’s called “Are the Paps Stupid or has Matthew McConaughey’s Face Melted?”

These photos were labeled by one of our photo services as “New dad to be Matthew McConaughey stays active in Malibu… as the sweaty actor leaves his gym.”

So, did the paps get this one right? Is that reeeeeally Matthew McConaughey, or just some sweaty, bandana-wearin’ bro who kind of looks like him and works out at the same gym?

And if it is him… what the hell happened to Matthew McConaughey?!?

If you weren’t a big fan of the wig Taylor had to wear for his role as in Jacob in Twilight and part of New Moon, you weren’t alone. Taylor himself wasn’t too fond of it.

“I would not want that hair,” he told the Boston Globe. “When I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t even recognize myself.”

I couldn’t agree more. I thought he looked like a nasty metal head who’d just rolled out of bed and into a pile of really long head pubes.

Lautner aslo revealed in a recent interview that he wasn’t much of a reader, until he picked up the Twilight books

“As a matter of fact, I was not a book reader at all. The only books I ever read were the ones I was forced to in school. But when I started reading this book series, I fell in love with the characters and started turning the pages one after another. It was crazy. I never thought I could do that. But I love this story. This franchise has everything in it: Romance, obviously, action, suspense. It has a dark side to it.”

As a fan of the series himself, he said he thought it was important to remain faithful to the source material when making New Moon.

“The fans are passionate about the book and all they want is those words on the pages brought up on the screen for them to watch. We want to stay as close to the books as possible.”

New Moon comes out November 20th, as I’m sure you already know. My local movie theater is doing a double feature for the local Twi-hards, showing Twilight at 10:00pm on November 19th, followed by New Moon, shortly after midnight.

I still don’t get all the obsession, but to each his or her own. What are your premier night plans? Any of you fanatics going to see the flick at midnight, or dressing up like the characters? I think a Kristen Stewart / Bella costume would be pretty fun to pull off. Just sleep on your couch for a few days, smoke a few bowls, and show up to the premier looking like you couldn’t give a shit about anything… except sour patch kids.

Everyone gets excited about sour patch kids.

2012 was number one at the box office this weekend, raking in $65 mil domestically and a whopping $160 million worldwide– the fifth biggest international opening weekend ever.

And while most of us probably just get a weird, self-destructive kick out of seeing apocalyptic visions of California falling off into the ocean, we don’t really believe that on December 21st two years from now, the Earth will break apart and the only survivors will be enigmatic limo drivers who also happen to be experts on the Mayan calendar, a la John Cusack in this flick. At least, I’d like to think that most of us wouldn’t believe that… but I must be wrong.

NASA, an organization responsible for such things as vacuum toilets and freeze dried beef wellington, has launched a website aimed at dispelling claims of a 2012 apocalypse. It answers such burning questions as “Is there a planet or brown dwarf called Nibiru or Planet X or Eris that is approaching the Earth and threatening our planet with widespread destruction?” I know that’s been on my mind for quite some time. It’s good to know that rocket scientists are out there, spending our tax dollars on answering all the really important questions.

Not that dispelling any possible panic incited in legions of idiots by a John Cusack movie aint important, but maybe you could get back to that whole, “Holy shit, there’s a ton of water on the moon” thing.  (It’s called “science.”)

“If I could do exciting genre films like this and be covered in blood and vomit for the rest of my life, I would be really happy. It was so cheese-tastic and so gross and so cheap, I loved it. It was so like how I used to dress when I was in high school because I had no money.”

–Megan Fox, describing how both her past and her future include cheapness and vomit.

Earlier this week, Beet reported on a creepy case in which Edis Kayalar, an acquaintance of Cindy Crawford’s ex-nanny, tried to sell TMZ and a few other celeb gossip outlets a picture of Crawford’s daughter gagged and tied to a chair that was taken during a game of cops and robbers. Well, the human cesspool that is Edis Kayalar goes even deeeper. In a March 2008 restraining order, Kayalar’s ex-wife claims that he beat her bloody and raped her several times during the course of their 3 month long marriage. The details make for some pretty disturbing reading, so continue at your own risk.

Freckmann claims her horror began a day before they wed on Nov. 15, 2007, when Kayalar confessed he was cheating.

“Talking escalated into a heated argument in which [Kayalar] kicked a hole into my wall,” Freckmann wrote.

Kayalar stormed out, but returned the next morning and the couple got married.

The next month, however, Freckmann said he got physical after she confronted him over photos “of the girl he had cheated on me with” on a trip to Germany.

“Our arguing became physical,” she said in court papers. Kayalar also taunted her and made mocking lists titled, “How to Please the Princess.”

“He has also raped me while I have been asleep and awake,” she claimed.

Freckmann said Kayalar, a native of Germany, told her, “The only reason he married her was for a green card.” She claimed he was so controlling he wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom alone.

On Feb. 12, 2008, Freckmann tried to kick Kayalar out. But she said he did not go quietly. “He pushed me up against the wall, slapped me and yelled at me,” she stated.

After a struggle, she said, she escaped and called cops. Kayalar left, but the next day “he broke into my home, stating I had stolen his fake identification,” she wrote.

“I wouldn’t speak to him so he punched, choked, restrained me, and then he continued to beat me and then rape me,” she claimed. “He said if he killed me no one would ever find out and he could just leave the country.”

Freckmann alleged she passed out after he choked her and raped her “with a foreign object.”

Prosecutors declined to press charges because of lack of evidence, a source said.

Yet another female acquaintance of Kaylar’s claims that he beat her up after she refused to have sex with him. In that case, the charges were dropped because the terrified woman didn’t show up for court after Kayalar threatened to kill her.

That title is probably a rhetorical question.

Real Housewives of Orange County star Tamra Barney embraced the spirit of the mullet at a recent reception for TV Guide Magazine’s Hot List.

Business in the front…

…party in the back.