This is yet another one of those “One of my Facebook friends messaged me …” stories.  You’ve probably realized by now that my Facebook friends don’t actually like me.  They throw horrible notes up on my wall such as “I heard that The Beautiful Life might be coming back on the air” and then they go hide behind their Farmville application for days at a time.

It’s not official and when I say “not official” you should know that I’m referring to “my last ray of hope.”  Because if this shit comes back on the air, I’ll have to go back to watching it.  The last time I was subjected to this visual massacre, I spent three days in ICU.  Not really, but I did have digestive issues for a week.  Here’s the scoop:

The show’s Facebook page indicated that the CW will be airing the remaining two episodes — it cracks me up that they only filmed four –this summer.  Though there has been no talk of renewal, those unseen episodes could possess just the right amount of magic to make that happen.

Listen, there’s only one way this show is ever going to garner interest enough to be picked up by any network.  If, in episode three (the first of the two yet-to-be-aired) Mischa’s character gets killed in the opening credits and then the rest of the characters refer to episodes one and two as having been just a bad dream, maybe, just maybe there will be enough of an audience to see a Season Two.  Or a Season One continuation.  In other words, this cannot happen.  The show can’t exist without Misch and she’s through with television.  She’s too talented for TV — she promised me she wouldn’t do another series and I’m holding her to it — and is focusing all her attention on movie scripts now.  This pledge cannot be broken, Misch.

You knew Tila Tequila wasn’t going to let this go.  Though she was caught in lie after lie — like saying she doesn’t drink at all despite lots of photographic evidence to the contrary — she has filed a civil suit against football player Shawn Merriman stemming from the September incident in which she alleged abuse.

The bruises were no sooner washed off healed than she started Tweeting again about every single personal detail of her life.  Some of my Facebook friends have tried to turn me on to her blog — she blocked me from her Twitter account after she called me a dumb ass hoe — but I just can’t get into it.

So, it begs the question:  Why didn’t she just file a civil suit right away?  Oddly enough, she announced just today that she’s going on tour — doing what I have no fucking idea — but don’t you find the timing to be positively ironic?

Postscript:  Ah, she’s going to be performing her song “I Like to Fuck” and says in her blog “So get ready Germany & Istanbul, Turkey cuz I’m coming to your town …”  Ahem.

It’s a damn good thing that those “Funny or Die” skits aren’t literal, because we’d all be a pile of rotting carcass right about now.  But I love being able to work “Zach Galifianakis” into any conversation such as “I’ll feed you as soon as I’m done posting this really unfunny bit starring Zach Galifianakis” or “I’m not sure what the right decision is.  What would Zach Galifianakis do?” or “I hurt my ankle.  I can’t remember how, but I know Zach Galifianakis was somehow involved.”  I love typing it and I love saying it.

So, this bit with Andy Richter, Andy Dick, Conan O’Brien and Zach Galifianakis isn’t great, but, you know … Zach Galifianakis.

Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima and her husband, pro basketball player Marko Jaric are the proud parents of a baby girl named Valentina Lima Jaric.

The notoriously virginal until married model gave birth on Sunday, which is nine months and one day after her Valentine’s Day wedding.  No word on the baby’s stats such has length or weight, but rumor has it that Adriana should be weighing in at her normal 101.2 lbs. by the first of the month.

Congrats to the happy couple on their new family addition!

Oh, Lindsay.  Stupid, stupid little powder nose Lindsay.  When will you learn?  You really just aren’t relevant enough anymore to be acting like an A-lister.  Hell, another six months and you’ll be lucky to get a guest spot on celebrity Extreme Home Makeover.  (Linds, stop huffing the house paint!)

We all know that LL has a penchant for taking things that aren’t hers.  Jewels and fur coats and people’s hard-earned sobriety all disappear in the wake of Lindsay.  On November 6th, the “actress” was drinking at Crown Bar in L.A. and threw a bitchfit when asked to pay for her drinks.

It all started when she stormed, uninvited, into the kitchen to help herself to two bottles of very expensive champagne.  She and a friend finished them off and then were presented with a bill.  Lohan started making a scene.  A source who witnessed the mayhem at 2:30 a.m. said  ”She was yelling at him and screaming profanities at everyone. The bar insisted she pay, so she had to call a friend with her credit-card information.  She was crying and wanted to go home. She kept saying ‘I don’t pay for drinks! This is ridiculous! I’m freaking out!’ ”

God, I know lots of celebs have a sense of entitlement, but can you imagine just going where you want, when you want and not bringing any money because you’re just that sure that your food/drink will be comped?  Truly, Lindsay, you need to get a job so you can pay your bar tabs.  A really well-paying job, I might add.

Brooke Shields has been pretty open about her struggles with severe depression following the birth of her children.  She wrote the book Down Came The Rain: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression, fought publicly with Tom Cruise and appeared Sunday night at the Hope for Depression Research Foundation in New York City.

Shields spoke candidly about that time in 2003 and just how close she came to ending it all:

“We think and we feel that we should just be able to handle it on our own,” said the actress, who is mom to two girls, Rowan, 6, and Grier, 3. “I’ve always been strong enough to get through every single difficult situation in my life. I grew up in an addictive household. My mother [Teri] had acute alcoholism. It’s in my blood. I was never going to be the one to succumb to it.”

After a miscarriage and seven IVF attempts, she gave birth to daughter Rowan in 2003 with her husband, TV writer Chris Henchy. “I finally had a healthy beautiful baby girl and I couldn’t look at her,” she said of the depression she felt. “I couldn’t hold her and I couldn’t sing to her and I couldn’t smile at her … All I wanted to do was disappear and die.”

In her deepest moments of despair she said, that the disease led her to believe, “I should not exist. The baby would be better off without me. Life was never going to get better – so I better just go.”

Brooke went to her doctor and ended up on meds.  Like many depressed people, she then decided that she didn’t need medication and stopped taking it.  It was a mistake that led to “the week I almost did not resist driving my car straight into a wall on the side of the freeway.  My baby was in the back seat and that even pissed me off because I thought she’s even ruining this for me. I just wanted to drive into the wall and my friend stayed on the phone with me and made me safely get home.”

After more talks with her doctor, the actress was able to realize that she had a true chemical imbalance that needed to be treated.  ”I learned what was going on inside my body and what was going on inside my brain.  I learned I wasn’t doing anything wrong to feel that way. That it was actually out of my control.  If I had been diagnosed with any other disease, I would have run to get help. I would have worn it like a badge … I didn’t at first – but finally I did fight. I survived.”

I applaud Brooke for throwing the cloak off the stigma surrounding mental illness that still seems to exist.  Hell, I applaud all celebrities when they use their status to help others, and I imagine that Brooke’s admissions will.