Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz kept their baby Bronx alive for an entire year and yesterday they celebrated their glorious achievement by throwing their little boy a Sponge Bob themed birthday party.

You’d think that they’d do something Jungle Book related because the two are so obsessed with the Kipling book-turned Disney Classic that they got their son’s middle name from the main character (Mowgli– ew.), but they went with the Square Pants thing per the babies (kind of) request. “[Bronx] likes Bob and he likes guitar – which he calls ‘itar,’ so we’re going to have a SpongeBob party for him,” Pete told People. I would think that’d mean a Bob Marley themed birthday party, but I guess “special cake” would be lost on a one year old. Or kill him. I’m not suggesting people give their kids cake laced with marijuana, I’m just sayin’.

Perhaps my favorite part of this story is the nearly illiterate Tweets by the Simpson sisters made to commemorate the special day:

From Ashlee: “BX’s 1st bday tomorrow! My angel is going to be a year!! The greatest year of my life :)”

And Jessica: “Happy Birthday to my precious angel on earth!!! Bronx is 1 today!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! I can’t believe it has been a year already.”

I’m going to be really sad when I have to write up a post next summer about how that poor baby got napped from Joe and Tina Simpson’s backyard by a coyote.

Three of my faves, Beck, Devendra Banhart and MGMT have gotten together on this track “Video Master”, which is about as perfect as a song gets for me. The video is cool too, but if you like any one of these bands sounds, imagine it melded together and blown up with two other amazing bands. I know, I know, that sentence was unintelligible, but you have to understand that I can barely even wrap my head around how rad this song is. I mean, this is why I can forgive Beck for being a Scientologist. It’s because of stuff like this.

Excuse me, I have to go have a dance party.

Jon and Kate Gosselin finally got together today… for an arbitration meeting. Yeah. They’ll definitely never be getting back together. Jon Gosselin, I am pretty sure, is on something. He showed up, smoked a cig, flashed off the copy of GQ he was reading for the paps and took an interview with Entertainment Tonight. Kate, who seems to have done something about “the hair”, kept to herself, looked professional and ready to get this whole ordeal settled. If there was anyone left on Team Jon, check out these pictures. (Oh, and some really good news? The divorce could be finalized by the end of the year. What a present for those eight kids.)

Reflections – Episode 1 from Tegan and Sara on Vimeo.

My favorite lesbians, Tegan and Sara have just launched their own web show called “Reflections” and this first episode picks up when the band has just arrived in Sweden. Even if you’re not a fan of the band, take a gander. Backstage life of a touring rock band is always interesting, but in when you factor in that these ladies are bilingual, gorgeous and spunky, well then you might just have found yourself a favorite new band and/or time killer.

Toddler and fashion plate Suri Cruise was skipping around NYC yesterday in a pair of heels like Carrie Goddamn Bradshaw, which is only more evidence that this little girl is secretly a 20-something woman. The clothes, the heels, the way she works a camera. I’m telling you, Suri Cruise has more game than most of the women I know. That heel may only be an inch, but I don’t think I rocked anything like that until I was at least fourteen, and even then I wobbled my way up on stage to accept my diploma at my eighth grade graduation. She even looks like she’s got her Naomi Campbell walk down in that photo above.

Readers, I present to you a challenge: find me a photo in which Suri Cruise looks closer to a toddler than a fierce fashionista and I will give you a gold star and a thumbs up.

“Luke and I are engaged and we’ll get married when I want to. But he isn’t even 21 yet, so he can’t drink in America, so what’s the point in getting married until he can?”

– Kelly Osbourne, on how she’s decided to postpone her nuptials until her fiance, Luke Worrall is old enough to drink in the US. He’s currently 19.

While it would be lovely to sip a glass of champagne on your wedding night with your new husband, shouldn’t the rehabbed daughter of Ozzy be less worried about being able to get legally trashed with her husband at their wedding and more worried about settling in to a life-long relationship with someone who’s still a teenager?