Last night Pete Wentz got drunk at some Nokia event and made a bet with Cobra Starship dude, Gabriel Saporta. What the bet was is probably going to remain secret, but what we do know is this: Pete Wentz lost and had to tattoo this Gabe dude’s face on his body. Hmmm. I’m sure Ashlee is thrilled that her husband went to a cell phone party and came home with another man’s face tattooed on leg. That must really be the (literally) crazy glue that keeps their whacky union sealed.

Even though her soon to be ex-husband has long since moved on to a 22-year old woman, Kate Gosselin has to be a little more guarded when it comes to dating. As the remaining responsible parent, Kate can’t help but think what a disaster dating other men would be for both herself and her kiddies. Yesterday on Ellen, Kate said the following about the topic of finding herself a new man, “I’m not thinking about it, but the thought has crossed my mind at some point [that] it’s going to be scrutinized. Let’s not talk about it.”

Kate’s attitude makes sense, as at this point she’s still constantly flanked by paparazzi and has the emotional well-being of her children to look after. Still, Kate is thirty-four years old and deserves to find someone she can actually spend her life with. However, these days, she’s still working on making the transition from a semi-happy two parent family to just mom the kids. Even approaching the topic of taking off her ring was something that required a lot of care. “At some point, I talked to the kids it came up very naturally and I said I’m not going to be wearing this ring very much longer. They said, ‘Oh, why?’ I said, ‘Because I’m not going to be married to Daddy anymore,’ which, of course, hearing that I don’t think was fun for them.”

Really? That wasn’t fun? I would think they’d react like you were building them their own McDonald’s Playplace in the yard! Yeesh! Guess that’s why I don’t have kids…

I cannot lie.  I have a thing for James Franco; I’ve been trying to avoid it because a few people told me that they thought my oldest son looks like James Franco.  So I’m having my fantasies, my Francosies, and all of a sudden my kid’s face pops up out of the blue.  Absolutely.  Horrible.

Anyway, I’ve decided that I don’t think my spawn looks anything like Franco, which frees me up to lick my laptop screen during all four-and-a-half minutes of this video from Funny or Die.  Do I think the video is funny?  Who knows?  Who cares?  It’s James Franco, people!  My attentions are focused elsewhere.

According to Gatecrasher, audiences who attended Monday’s preview performance of Matthew Broderick’s new play were ready to shoot “The Starry Messenger.”

When a Broadway-bound show does a preview,  you can expect that there will still be some kinks to work out, however Broderick’s performance was plagued from the beginning.  The actor didn’t know his lines and had to ask for a prompt ten times in the first act.  It could be a loooooong week for the actor, as shows are scheduled through Friday.

“Broderick should be fined for this sort of thing,” one angry user wrote. “The theater, the producers, Kenneth Lonergan (the director) and Broderick should be ashamed to have let an audience in for this.”

Another Broadway fan who hadn’t even seen the show chimed in: “For God’s sake, they are charging good money for this, and it is indeed unconscionable to use these as rehearsals. I only hope they do cancel this week of performances because I, too, have a ticket, and I don’t want to endure this either.”

Perhaps audience members were being a bit harsh. It was just a preview, after all, and a source close to the show says that a recent casting change may have led to the play’s rocky start. Merwin Goldsmith replaced Jonathan Hadary just this past weekend.

But our insider says Broderick’s flubs were more than just a few butchered lines. “It was an overall mess,” said the source. “He kept apologizing under his breath after he forgot a line, and everyone in the audience started to feel awkward.”

It’s a bad start for Broderick and his “Starry Messenger” run, which comes right after some unkind critical notices for Sarah Jessica Parker’s hubby. Several outlets panned his performance in “The Philanthropist,” which ran from April to June. While one review commented on his “dullness,” others even got a little personal, dissing the sideburns he grew for the part.

Audiences can be so harsh.  He was probably too busy taking care of the newborn twins he shares with SJP to be studying lines.  Cut a dork a break.  The producers of the show obviously agree that there’s lots of work yet to be done.  The show’s release date has been bumped a week to November 23rd.

As expected, last night turned out a huge amount of celebs attending the This Is It L.A. premiere.  (Lionel Richie actually attended the premiere in Japan, but who can resist a picture like that?)

I know Michael Jackson’s premature and unexpected death was tragic, but is there anything more tragic than Paris Hilton’s Paula Abdul’s cleavage?  I’ll just answer my own question:  Yes.  The status of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy’s relationship is the most tragic as evidenced by last night’s body language.

Also there:  Adam Lambert, Ashley Tisdale, Macy Gray, Mickey Rooney (can never look at him and his wife without thinking of their Garden State Life Insurance commercials), Anne Heche, Mario Lopez, Nia Long, and Will Smith.

I already knew that the people over at Microsoft were idiots.  That fact has been confirmed to me every single time that I’ve powered up my Vista-platform PC.  One day, after Vista/Internet Explorer had me trying to fashion a noose with my power cord, I smartened up and went Mac.  But that isn’t really the point.  The point is that the people at Microsoft are idiots.

The software company committed to single-handedly sponsoring a Family Guy special due to air on November 8th.  Apparently, they just heard the title of the show and thought that it was a modern-day, souped up spinoff of the Waltons.  They didn’t know about the tampon references or incest jokes.  Microsoft doesn’t approve of Holocaust humor.  Now they’ve pulled their support with proclamations that the show “was not a fit with the Windows brand.”  And if Microsoft doesn’t think that Vista and the Holocaust have a few common elements, they’re kidding themselves.