Martha Stewart is having a little trouble with one of her employees.  And by “trouble” I mean “getting sued”.

Kiki Paris was a successful sales manager at Body and Soul magazine which is owned by Stewart.  Things all changed in May of 2008 when she was struck by a car.  Her spine and elbow were fractured in multiple places and she had to wear a seven-pound halo on her skull.

Apparently, Martha told Paris to get her lazy ass back to work almost immediately.  Fuck disability time off!  She was also instructed to tell potential advertisers about her injuries to boost sympathy sales.

Can you guess what happened next?  When Kiki couldn’t return to work as quickly as Martha would have liked, she was let go.  Demanding bitch wants money and her job back.  Hey, if you let some metal skull contraption affect your ability to sell some ads, you shouldn’t be working for Martha.  That machine was knitting scarves even when she was in prison.

Someone needs to hose down the cougar — God, I hate that expression — that is Meredith Viera.  About a week ago, I was watching the Today Show and it seemed so clear to me that Meredith is fucking Matt Lauer.  You know that unmistakable body language that exists between two people who have exchanged body fluids?  They have it — big time!  I’m sure their respective spouses (Meredith’s has suffered with MS for over 35 years and Matt’s has filed for divorce a couple of times) are very appreciative.

Now Viera appears to be trying to sink her fangs into an attractive, young pilot.  I was so embarassed for this Who Wants to be a Millionaire? contestant.  How about, Who Wants Some Mace?

Seriously, Meredith, keep it in your pants.  ’Kay?

Thanks, Diane!

Listen, motherhood is hard (feel free to check out my personal site to see just how bad I am at it).  I try really hard not to criticize celebrities for their parenting choices (I don’t always succeed, *cough*JennyMcCarthy*cough*) because raising human beings ranks up there with not gouging my eyes out while watching The Beautiful Life — in other words, nearly impossible.

It’s been building up for awhile, but I always figure that there are some sort of extenuating circumstances.  I can stay silent no longer.  I live in the Boston area.  Yesterday, the weather was so cold and blustery that a tree fell on a 12 year old who was walking home from school.  People lost electricity.  Did I mention cold and blustery?  Then why, oh why must Katie Holmes insist on letting her three year old walk around Faneuil Hall with no coat and bare legs?  I see pictures of this all the time.  Last week, she was barefoot in Boston.  It’s cold here and the Cruises have the bucks to afford a coat and shoes, so, uh … what the fuck?

Harry Connick Jr. was a guest judge on the Australian show Hey Hey It’s Saturday and took it as an opportunity to speak out against racism.

A team of men doctors, educated men, took to the stage in blackface and afro wigs to do a skit of the Jackson Five.  The audience seemed to enjoy the performance and the host clearly thought it was hi-larious, but Connick wasn’t so impressed.

During judging, Harry scored the performance as a zero and told the audience that an act like that would never make it past television censors in the United States.  After the commercial break, the host gave Connick a chance to explain why this would be considered offensive in the United States.

Some Aussies have stated that they feel Harry was being too politically correct and I am just amazed by this response.  I know we have a big readership from Australia and I’d really love to hear your thoughts on this.  Is blackface considered a socially acceptable act in Australia?

I think Kate Gosselin has found her calling if she can’t get Kate Plus 8 back on track.  If you ask me, it’s only a matter of time before she’ll be approached about filming a sitcom pilot.  Ooohhh … wouldn’t it be great if she did a sitcom with fellow reality mom Michelle Duggar?  They could call it The Mullets Plus Many.

I know, I know, everyone’s going to be making that joke today. It’s okay. It’s funny. And I’m just delighted to hear that Levi Johnston is going to pose for Playgirl. I totally thought Playgirl had folded. What a fantastic way to make porn for “women” relevant again. To prepare, Levi is training three hours a day, six nights a week at an Anchorage gym with a local body builder. (That local body builder is not Sarah Palin.) He hasn’t reached a formal agreement with Playgirl, but his attorney says that it’s “a foregone conclusion.” Which may mean he’s bullshitting this whole thing for publicity, or to strong-arm Playgirl into paying him more money. Which, again, is totally okay with me.

I have to admit, I love Levi Johnston. I mean, the poor guy was just trying to fuck the hottest girl at his high school without a rubber — a common teenage pursuit — and then her mother had to go and run for Vice President of the fucking United States and drag him into a national spotlight, force him to propose to the aforementioned hot girl (whom he was just trying to fuck without a rubber, not freakin’ marry), and then the whole family treats him like shit and nobody will even let him see his baby. He got dealt a fairly crappy hand here, and I love that he’s dealing with it by making every possible exploitative penny and attempting to muddy the Palin name in the process. It’s how I like to think I’d behave in similar circumstances.

I have to admit something else. The AP’s headline for this story is “Father of Palin’s grandson to pose for Playgirl.” I read that like ten times wondering to myself who the hell was posing for Playgirl. “Father of Palin’s grandson” is just way too much dot-connecting for me. I didn’t understand it was Levi until I read the article. I’m still laughing to myself about that one.