“The critics can say whatever they want, but Lindsay is a genius.”

- Dina Lohan to the New York Post on her incredibly brilliant daughter whose father says she could be heading to rehab for the third time in the near future.

FunnyOrDie.com has been running a series of videos called “Death Panels Are Real” and in this third installment there’s a special guest: Melrose Place star Jessica Lucas! Yeah, I have no idea who this chick is and Death only kinda-sorta does, but her IMDB page indicates that she’s actually kind of a big deal. This video is pretty funny and Lucas seems to be a good sport, so check it out and let me know what you think in the comments.

Mickey Rourke got pissed at a photog leaving Hollywood club Hyde the other night and pulled a Perez Hilton. Mickey called the guy a faggot, a completely gross word that it’s hard to believe a man who dresses as flamboyantly as he does would use, and now, of course, GLAAD is super pissed and calling him out for it.

The president of GLAAD personally issued this statement to the press calling Rourke out on his bad behavior, calling him “painfully ignorant”, amongst other things:

“This is a slur that, regardless of what Mickey Rourke has convinced himself that it means, is often the last word that gay people, and gay youth in particular, hear before they’re bullied, harassed or assaulted.  Rourke is showing himself to be painfully ignorant of how this vulgar, abusive slur feeds a climate of anti-gay hatred, intolerance and violence.  Rourke either needs to figure this out, or media needs to stop giving him a platform for promoting these kinds of slurs.” -Jarrett Barrios

Well, it’s officially t-minus two hours until Rourke drops some sort of official apology on us. He chalked up his actions last night by saying that he didn’t mean any offense to the gay community and that it was a term passed around on his high school football team with abandon, but I think we all know that that’s just another way of saying “Sorry if you were offended, but get over it.” Ohhhh, Mickey. America was loving you so hard.

Two extras from that show Cougar Town must have taken their SAG day rates and sunk them in to some tickets to Paris because these lovely ladies were seen cruising the streets of the City of Love yesterday. Who are they? They’re the Lohan sisters? Surely these handbag faces can’t be Lindsay and Ali Lohan? Isn’t one of them supposed to be a teenager? And the other one, the more less-famous one? Isn’t she like, 22 years old? What in God’s name has happened to their faces? And why is the brunette one wearing a jacket that implies she just came from chaperoning her 12 year old’s trip to Dave & Busters? I don’t understand…

Throughout this entire Gosselin divorce/feud between J + K about whether or not their kids should keep being filmed for their reality TV show, the couple has been maintaining that their kids haven’t really been effected by the whole “being pushed in to the spotlight/watching their parents fight publicly” thing. However, sources close to the family are saying that that’s not so true, and that the kids have been “acting out” for a hot minute now. The source, who spoke to Us Weekly said “They are confused and distraught and are acting out all the time in an effort to get attention from their parents.” Well, no duh.

And while everyone (including myself) has been quick to throw stones at the hunky monkey himself, J.Goss, the source is claiming that Kate is more to blame for the problems at home than she claims. “She barely talks to them. The nannies are doing 95 percent of the work. Kate has a short attention span, and everything upsets her.” It’s hard to know if this source is someone in Jon’s camp planting dirty quotes about his ex, but as someone who’s even briefly watched their show, I can tell ya that it doesn’t come as a surprise to me that ol’ Kate isn’t exactly nurturing.

But of course Jon is responsible for a lot of crappy behavior. He’s been overheard asking paparazzi what time his kids get home from school, snaps at the kids when they interrupt his phone calls and is apparently planning on throwing a “Fuck you, Kate” party once the divorce is finalized. Real mature.

One thing that Jon should double check before the party is the spelling of his ex-wife’s name. That seems to be an area of struggle for him, as he spelled his own daughter’s name wrong on her birthday cake yesterday. Yup. He told the bakery her name was spelled “Maddy”, not “Mady”. Yikes!

And that will conclude the Gosselin coverage for today. I’m going to hike up to the woods now with a gun wrapped in socks.

Image from TMZ.com

Katy Perry and Russell Brand are dating, which is just stupid. It seems far too contrived to even be real, and despite the fact that I more or less hate her, I do think that Katy Perry is a good girl deep down that won’t possibly stick around with someone as wild as Brand. But whatever. That’s their problem.

This is my problem: The two of them went to go visit Jim Morrison’s grave yesterday. On a “date”. How quaint, right? Russell Brand is teaching Katy about all sorts of things that people are normally cultured on by the time they are her age, like classic rock and Oscar Wilde, and now they’re off to “have a moment” in front of Jim Morrison’s grave. And that makes me ill. The sheer trying too hard-ness is just plain old too much.