The banking crisis is hitting so many people and not even fame can protect Toni Braxton.  Bank of America is looking to foreclose on Braxton’s shack due to $12,000 in missing mortgage payments.  Considering that the house is located in California, she’s probably one month late.

God, I hate banks and the predatory ways that they choose or chose to lend to people.  However, hasn’t Toni sold like, a billion trillion records?  I’d think that $12K would be pocket change.  Rest assured, now that this has hit the media, there will be a swift resolution followed up with the release of a blanket, “bookkeeping error, just an oversight” type of statement.

In the meantime, can someone please explain how Lindsay Lohan gets to keep her property?

Jimmy Fallon’s Late Night show might suck, but he did a pretty funny skit last night.  He dressed up as Billy Ray Cyrus and rapped a song to explain his daughter’s departure from Twitter and to reassure his fans that he is still on Twitter.  Really, it’s all just an excuse for Jimmy Fallon to publicly make an ass of himself.  And I’m okay with that.

Oh, sweet Jaysus.  Just when I think that there isn’t another possible angle for reality television, the fates prove me wrong by allowing another ridiculous premise to hit the airwaves.  Are you ready for this?

It seems that Larry Birkhead — Anna Nicole’s unlikely baby daddy — might be appearing on Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker.  You know that show — the one with the chick that looks like a dude whose trying to look like Cher is the matchmaker who charges clients thousands even though she told Oprah that she’s got her own relationship issues.  I’m a closet watcher.  Let me clarify, lest you think I’ve gone completely mad during my brief hiatus:  I’m a closet watcher of Millionaire Matchmaker, not of Oprah.  The rich dudes always want blonds who don’t object to having a greased stripper pole in the living room and any Joe Francis-produced DVD in the player.

This has been enlightening though.  I’m glad to hear that the show is becoming more open-minded, progressive and doing same sex match-ups now.  It’s refreshing!  I remain hopeful that Larry will find just what he’s — oh, wait … what?  He’s going to be fixed up with a woman?  Get the fuck out of here.

Holy shit!  Today, 2006 X Factor winner and singer Leona Lewis was in central London signing copies of her autobiography — how does she have a life story yet?  She’s 24! — when a man came up from the line and punched Lewis in the face.

The singer is okay and her assailant was apprehended and arrested at Waterstone’s bookstore.  No word yet on a motive, but the nation is astounded that no such similar assault has been committed against “author” Lauren Conrad.  Or “author” Paris Hilton.  Or “author” Nicole Richie.  Need I go on?

Pro-wrestler “Captain” Lou Albano died today at the age of 76.  People isn’t reporting an exact cause of death, but he was hospitalized earlier this week before being sent home under hospice care.

Albano was very well-known in the ’80s playing the role — unless you’re one of those people that believes wrestling is real — of an angry manager.  Really though, don’t we all truly remember Lou as Cyndi Lauper’s angry, finger-wagging father in the “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” video?

Thoughts and prayers to the family!

Last week Ralph Lauren came under fire for publishing a picture of model Filippa Hamilton looking atrociously gaunt.  It’s a clear example of abuse by Photoshop.

Now Hamilton has revealed that she was fired by Ralph Lauren for being too fat.  The model told New York Daily News that the Ralph Lauren company was like family until this spring when they kicked her fat ass — as shown in second picture above — out the door.  Does anyone see the irony in the fact that this chick is posing in front of a bunch of candy dispensers?  Yeah, she’s so not fat.

Seriously, can we call for a boycott or something against companies that are terminating employees based on 5’10″ being defined as “too heavy”?