This is the mess Halle chose to wear to the Keep a Child Alive ball in NYC last night. Not only is it a terrible material and a stupid cut, it doesn’t fit her. Her boobs are way too big; they’re falling out. And that’s not fair, because I believe Meghan McCain called a monopoly on boobs falling out of a top this week.

Also there: Padma Lakshmi, who looks like she got a really bad perm and then crimped it. Plus: Estelle, Iman, Adrian Grenier, John Mayer, Usher and Mary J. Blige.

It’s possible that you were one of the hundreds of thousands of people who followed the unfolding saga yesterday of Balloon Boy.  It all started out when the media was reporting that a boy climbed into the basket of a hot air balloon, untethered it, and floated off into the sky.

As facts were clarified, it ended up being a helium balloon.  I felt so bad for this drifting six year old until I saw that this aircraft was basically a package of Jiffy Pop floating around.  There is no way that something that equates to being a Mylar beret would be able to lift a first grader.

Then it was revealed that this ironically-named child, Falcon — when my mother first heard a news reporter refer to him as “Falcon”, she just thought he was making a tasteless joke — belonged to a crazy family that was on an episode of Wife Swap.  I had never seen the show but actually did watch a rerun a couple weeks ago and it was of this family.  They sleep in their clothes so they are prepared to jump out of bed and chase storms at any time.  They. Are. Nuts.

The cynic in me started thinking hoax.  Falcon was eventually found safe and sound in the garage.  When CNN asked Falcon if he heard his parents calling for him, he looked at his dad and replied, “You guys said that … we did this for the show.”  Aw, shizzle.

Back in July, Limp Bizkit’s frontman Fred Durst was scheduled to be married.  He called it off at the last minute, claiming “cold feet”.  Then he went crawling back to his jilted girlfriend, she took him back and they tied the knot.  Listen, if your man heads for the hills at the thought of your wedding day, do not marry him!  You cannot enter into a (hopefully!) lifelong union feeling hesitant.  Carrie Bradshaw, are you listening?

Anyway, Fred married Esther Nazarov in July and last month made his Twitter announcement that they “fell apart” and their relationship could not be fixed.  Yesterday, Durst filed for divorce in Los Angeles, thus legally calling for an end to a ninety-day union that just didn’t have the strength to go on.

I’d wish Esther good luck and a huge settlement, but since Durst hasn’t sold an album since George W. Bush’s first year of presidency, I’m not feeling too optimistic.

LL will be in court today.  She’s still on probation from her DUIs and coke charges if you can fathom it.  She still manages to be a train wreck both domestically and abroad, but she’s on probation (after she spent that harrowing 84 minutes in jail).  Ah, celebrity privilege.

Anyway, the judge is checking up on her compliance with probation terms surrounding her required substance abuse program.  Lohan is in a program?  Unless it’s called “The Art of Prescription Pills” I find that hard to believe.  Basically, the court is looking for a progress report on Linds which should be clearly evident just by looking at her.  Unwashed hair plus overuse of tanner, black leggings and face filler multiplied by the amount of times her Twitter account has been hijacked equals “Save This Girl From Herself”.  It’s simple math.

Meghan McCain has the Twitterverse up in arms over a picture she posted last night of her cleavage.  Actually, I think she was just posing with a book and maybe, possible, sorta, kinda didn’t realize that people would only notice her tits and nothing else.

Last night, after being taken off-guard by the public reaction, McCain alluded to deleting her Twitter account — that is all the rage right now.  Today she Tweeted:  “I do want to apologize to anyone that was offended by my twitpic, I have clearly made a huge mistake and am sorry 2 those that are offended.”

Do we really live in a world where a liberal Republican can’t publish photos of her boobies without everyone having kittens?

Taylor Swift is set to host Saturday Night Live on November 7th and she already has some ideas for skits.  She told AP, “I’ve been thinking about skit ideas for a long time.  There are definitely some hilarious things that have happened to me over the past couple of months that I think will be pretty substantial skits.”

Obviously, she’s referring to her run in with Kanye at last month’s VMAs.  I think that the show execs believe the skits will be funny, but I wonder if it won’t just look like Taylor Swift doesn’t know how to move on.