Imagine someone asking your dad how you are doing.  Imagine your dad exclaiming that you’re well and that your boobs look great.  Now silently thank the universe that Mitch Winehouse is not your dad.

Amy Winehouse’s father has been one chatty chap this week.  Earlier in the week, he testified to Parliament that he feels rehab is a waste when it is offered to addicts that are facing criminal charges.  It’s an ironic viewpoint since rehab is exactly what has kept his own darling daughter out of the clink.

A British telly programme (sorry, but you should expect this sort of thing from me) asked Mitch how his daughter was.  He replied “Fantastic, fantastic. Her boobs are great as well.  I shouldn’t have said that should I? She looks absolutely fantastic.”

If there is any consolation, at least Daddy Winehouse doesn’t know how much the operation cost the singer.  The reporter mentioned rumors of the augmentation costing $56,000, but Mitch was unaware.  ”I don’t know. I didn’t have to pay for it – that’s all I know. Whenever I see her, she says, ‘Dad can you give me a couple of hundred.’ [But] I didn’t have to pay for the boobs. I don’t know.”

And isn’t that just the one sentence we all hope to never hear our fathers utter?  ”I didn’t have to pay for the boobs.”  Shudder.

I may be a bit ahead of myself.  According to Rosie O’Donnell, things aren’t “over” exactly, but wife Kelli Carpenter O’Donnell and Rosie are having some problems that they’re trying to work out.

Confession time:  I read Rosie’s blog just about every day.  She answers fan questions and for months now, there hasn’t been a whole lot of mention of Kelli.  And in the instances where someone has outright asked her about the status of her marriage, she has been veeeeeerrrrrryyyyyy vague.  Back in the spring, columnist Cindy Adams insisted that the couple had split — a rumor denied by O’Donnell.

Though Ro wouldn’t confirm or deny an actual change of address of either party, she insisted that they would always be a family, raising kids together.

“We’re a family, we remain a family and we’re working on the issues,” O’Donnell reiterated, noting that there are four children whose well-being comes before anything.  The couple married in San Francisco in 2004 and have three adopted children — Parker, 14, Chelsea, 12 and Blake, 9, as well as Vivienne (“Vivi”), 6, whom Carpenter carried.

“They’re adorable and wonderful and they are by far a priority,” O’Donnell said. “Kelli and I love each other very much and we are working on our issues. Those are the only words I am ever going to say. Ever. And that is something that has been agreed upon by all parties,” she said, tears collecting in her eyes. “But everything’s fine and everybody’s good and we’re still both raising them together. We will both continue to parent them and we’re friendly and everything’s all right.”

Oh, I am just so bummed out by this news.  You know what bummed me out even more?  When I went to the wire in search of a picture of these two, there was such a common and noticeable element in the entire history of photos of this couple.  I just think Rosie is so loving and has such a big heart and it kind of hurt my heart to see such a consistently non-reciprocal, arms by side, stance from her wife.

Good luck to Rosie and Kelli.  I hope they can work it out if that’s the goal.

I wanted to name this piece “Carnie Wilson:  Whored On For One More Day” but I didn’t know if you’d all get my Wilson Phillips lyric reference.  OMG, how completely condescending and infantilizing of me!  I didn’t know if you’d get it?  That was such an Oprah moment and I’m so, so sorry.

Anyway, Carnie is appearing in a new reality show for GSN that’s going by the unfortunate title of Carnie Wilson:  Unstapled.  It will be a documentary-style program that will follow Carnie on her journey to lose 50 pounds.  Might I suggest that she could get halfway to goal by lopping off that Duggar-do?

Okay, this is the ironic part:  Carnie said, “This is definitely the most exposed I’ve ever been.”  Isn’t this the same chick who flashed her duodenum for all the world to see whilst her gastric bypass surgery was streamed on the Internet?  And she thinks that being filmed declining a can of Pringles is the most exposed she’s ever been?  Bitch, please.

Sad news today!  Former Grey’s Anatomy dude T.R. Knight has parted ways with his boyfriend Mark Cornelsen.  No reason was given — it never is — but it may have been related to their 16-year age difference.  T.R. recently told Ellen DeGeneres that he wanted to have a family.

According to the actor’s rep, the two-year relationship just “came to a natural end.”  It looks like 2009 is a real year of change for Knight.

“We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth. He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, ‘You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?’ I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, ‘It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.’ Very, very strange. Years and years later when people started to torment him with that, I used to think ‘God, that’s really fitting, because he tormented a lot of people as a 20-year-old.’ He made such a big deal about it. Same thing with Eddie Murphy—I remember somebody calling and saying, ‘You’ll never guess who was just caught with a transvestite!’ [Laughs.] And I remember thinking that seemed fitting, because there are certain people in showbiz who make it an agenda, every third sentence has to have something knocking that life choice, and you think, ‘What are you doing?‘”

Bronson Pinchot, outing Tom Cruise as the homophobic that we’ve always known he is.

Last month Suzanne Somers was flapping her over-inflated lips — and speaking of huge lips, nice jeans Suzanne! — about Patrick Swayze and how chemotherapy basically killed him.  It’s no surprise that she has a book out this month (her 19th), “Knockout”, which is about seeking alternative methods to treating cancer.

It’s great that Suzanne Somers wants to explore non-traditional approaches to deal with her own health.  But she also claims that chemotherapy isn’t effective in treating lung and breast cancer.  Somers survived breast cancer after a lumpectomy and radiation.

The American Cancer Society is concerned.

“I am very afraid that people are going to listen to her message and follow what she says and be harmed by it,” says Dr. Otis Brawley, the organization’s chief medical officer. “We use current treatments because they’ve been proven to prolong life. They’ve gone through a logical, scientific method of evaluation. I don’t know if Suzanne Somers even knows there IS a logical, scientific method.”

More broadly, Brawley is concerned that in the United States, celebrities or sports stars feel they can use their fame to dispense medical advice. “There’s a tendency to oversimplify medical messages,” he says. “Well, oversimplification can kill.”

Suzanne Somers needs to shut her mouth.  She’s certainly entitled to an opinion, but she’s a celebrity and there are some whackos out there who will make medical decisions based on what Suzanne Somers has to say.  Frightening, but true.  Saying that chemo isn’t effective in the battle against cancer is wholly irresponsible.  People’s lives have been saved by that poison.

And regarding the whole Swayze snafu, Somers issued your basic, insincere apology to his family:  ”I shouldn’t have said anything.  I apologized to his family.  We all know that chemotherapy does nothing for pancreatic cancer.”