Ashlee Simpson — oh, excuse me … Ashlee Simpson-Wentz — has been kicked off of Melrose Place.  Executive producer Todd Slavkin says that Simpson’s departure as well as that of co-star Colin Egglesfield was always the original plan. “We felt that once the murder mystery [involving their characters] was resolved, the tone of the show was going to shift … and [Simpson-Wentz's] character would move on.”

Now that ASW has been told to back up her boxes and go, she has released a statement:  “Having the chance to play Violet on Melrose Place has been a thrill. Although I always knew her story would come to a final, insanely unpredictable end, playing a creepy, unstable character was something I always wanted to do, so I jumped at the chance. Thanks to the CW and the entire cast and crew of Melrose Place for allowing me this opportunity.”

I’m sure no one thought this show was going to be on air long enough for Ashlee to get fired … uh, I mean released from her contract as was the original plan.

Oh. My. God. Jodie Sweetin is bananas. I don’t even know if I’m ready to get in to this with you guys right now, but it has to be done.

We all know by now that Jodie Sweetin suffered with meth addiction and generally went hella craycray for a minute after Full House was done taping. Then she cleaned up and hosted that Pants Off Dance Off show for a bit. Well, in addition to having a baby and a crazy estranged husband, it turns out that Jodie has been busy penning a memoir. A memoir that will likely be off the chain.

The book, Unsweetined (God, that title), delves in to all the madness that was really going on in Jodie’s life after the hit show she was on ended right before she started high school. Like a lot of young stars, Jodie eased her pain by hitting the bottle. The first time she ever got drunk? At her co-star Candace Cameron’s wedding back in 1994, before Full House even ended. Ahhhmazing and horrible at the same time. Who knew little Stephanie was a booze hound?

Jodie says that from there she started drinking all the time and eventually experimented with every drug out there until she finally got hooked on our nation’s drug of choice: crystal meth. “I wanted to prove that I wasn’t the girl from Full House, that I could get more trashed than everyone else.”

Wowza. This book is going to be the best thing ever.

No wonder the prenup took so long!  I didn’t realize this, but Khloe Kardashian married into royalty, y’all!

Last night the newly-minted couple appeared at a Kitson event, and Lamar was asked if he wanted more kids.  I’d like to take this moment to mention that Khloe hasn’t even met Lamar’s pre-existing little princes and princesses.  And how the hell do you marry someone when you haven’t even observed how they interact with your kids?  Okay, so about having kids with Khloe, Lamar replied “That’s what kings and queens are put on the earth for, to have offspring.”

Kings and queens?  Really Lamar?  Because I’m already sick of you both and seriously considering a way to overthrow you and your kingdom.

The Veronicas have released a video for their new song, “This Love”.  I’m hanging around listening to it with my daughter who is known on my blog as Veruca (for obvious reasons).  As you know, I have no ear for music.  Veruca says “It’s a beautiful song, but how is she going to give up even if she isn’t there?  That doesn’t make sense!”  So, there you have it, straight from the mouth of my babe.

Rumor has it that after a seemingly flirty encounter in NYC, Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler are dating. Well, apparently that rumor’s a crock.

Here’s the set up: Jessica and Gerard were out together, but not “together”. They have mutual friends, including Jessica’s BFF Ken Paves (her long time hair stylist), and they were out as a big group at Soho House. They apparently touched elbows and batted eyes at one another and that’s about it in terms of “rumor fuel”. Not to mention Gerard is kind of a ladies man and with his star rising, he’s in no rush to settle down. A friend close to Gerard seemed pretty certain that there was no way Jessica’s about to be his main squeeze, “I’m never surprised to hear that Gerard is with someone new. None of those relationships last. Certainly he’s not planning on settling down with Jessica Simpson … Gerard plays the field … and Jessica is lonely … and she lost weight and is looking good.”

So basically: don’t worry, ladies! Gerard Butler is still single and he’s probably going to want to start dating you any. day. now.

As Wendie already told you today, Dennis Quaid was let off the hook on a DUI charge by some cops who must have liked his work in The Rookie or something. The story goes like this: Quaid and his lady had too many drinks at their fancy pants dinner, Quaid assumes he’s sober enough to drive, but his drunkenness is visible enough because two cops rolled up next to him in a car and suggested that he take a cab. Quaid took their kind adviced and ditched his wheels for a taxi. And now? Now we’ve got the photos to illustrate the incident: